How to be a good listener

Here is some advice if you would like to be a good conversationalist: be an attentive listener, encourage others to talk about themselves. To be interesting, be interested! Ask questions that other people will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and what they have done.

Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their problems than they are in you and your problems. A person's toothache means more to that person than a famine in China, which kills a million people. A pain in one's arm interests one more than earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a conversation.

Diogenes, the Greek philosopher, said: " The reason why we have two ears and only one mouth is so that we may listen more and talk less! " Do you know how to get on with people? Do you ever feel shy? What situations make you shy? Do you sometimes feel as if you don't know how to interest and amuse people and have conversations with them? Do you search desperately in your head for something to say? Do people find an excuse to leave you as soon as they can?

Try listening!

Show the other person that you are listening. Look at them. Smile and nod quite often, and shake your head or raise your eyebrows if you don't follow what they are saying. Don't tap your foot because this will show impatience. Don't look at your watch unless you really have to know the time, (and then you should tell the other person why you need to know the time). If you show impatience then the other person will lose their confidence and you will lose the moment or friendship, which they are offering.

A good listener has magic! A good listener has the ability to make people feel good, and is as valuable at a party as a good talker. But just listening isn't enough. One should listen intelligently by trying to find out what the other person would really like to communicate.

Of course, at some point, you have to speak. The other person will need reassurance, they will need to know whether you have understood, whether you care about what they are saying, whether you are interested, and whether you want to hear any more. One of the easiest and most helpful ways of responding is to repeat the sense of what the other person has been saying.

Repeating the main points of what the person has been saying shows that you have been listening, and the fact that you have bothered to speak about, what they have been saying shows that you care. You might help the person by giving them a particular question to answer, it will show them that you are interested and they will probably get pleasure in answering your question. However, if you express an opinion on the subjectyou will be taking a more positive part in the conversation and a shy person is then likely to say less or even stop speaking altogether. (Of course, they may enjoy a discussion or even an argument, but that is another thing.)