Breaking up is hard to do

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Unlike marriage, divorce shows no sign of going out of style. More than 150, 000 English and Welsh couples cut the knot in 2003-the most for seven years. For every 100 weddings that year, there were 57 divorces. But marital breakdown is not just more statistically common. It is also becoming less socially exclusive.

In fiction and gossip columns, divorce afflicts rich, ambitious people whose aversion to long-term commitment is matched only by their greed. In reality, it is increasingly the preserve of the poor. New research by Tak Wing Chan, of Oxford University, and Brendan Halpin, of the University of Limerick, shows that working-class social patterns raise the risk of divorce: youthful marriage is disastrous; so is having three or more children (which, before the 1980s, proved a reliable way of holding a marriage together). Go to university, on the other hand, and your chance of breaking up falls sharply. Other things being equal, a woman with a degree who married in the late 1960s was 32% more likely than average to divorce within ten years. Educated women who married in the late 1980s were 27% less likely to do so.

That trend is evident to those who work with middle-class couples. Carol Martin-Sperry, a London marriage counsellor, reports that her clients have become more cautious about breaking up in recent years. They are increasingly willing to tolerate adultery-a common cause of splits. " Thirty years ago, infidelity was a much bigger deal, " she says.

The sticking power of well-to-do couples puzzles some sociologists and economists, whose theories predict the opposite outcome. According to the " independence hypothesis", couples will remain married if their joint utility from marriage exceeds the sum of their utility when separated. Traditional unions divide paid work (male) from unpaid work (female), enabling greater productivity. But such a trade-off ought to appeal less to educated women, who can earn more on their own.

Mr. Chan suggests two reasons why qualifications and commitment now go together. First, modern universities facilitate romance as reliably as they guarantee future earnings. In 1970, the universities contained 416, 000 men but only 205, 000 women, who may have been not just rare but exceptionally driven. As student numbers expanded, the balance equalised. That allows better matching. Second, women's earnings have become essential to the average middle-class household. They are simply more valuable.

Religious values may play a part, too. Churchgoing has collapsed across the country, but the decline has been much less pronounced in affluent areas, according to Christian Research, an independent think-tank. Divorce has also become cheaper, at least for those who have few assets to squabble over. About half of all people who go through it receive legal aid.

Affluent men may have been spooked into better behaviour by changes in the law. A House of Lords decision in 2000 established the principle of equal division of marital property. That has had a remarkable effect on the clients of Peter Martin, the head of family law at Osmond Gaunt & Rose, a London firm. " I have noticed that the wealthier husbands are thinking a lot more seriously about the consequences of having affairs, " he says.

Put these expressions into two columns: A - For divorce, B – Against divorce and present your point of view.

Unreasonable behaviour, commit adultery, antagonisms, arguments and hostility, psychological and emotional damage, children’s need for stability, feeling of guilt, dissolution of marriage, irretrievable marriage breakdown, sanctity of marriage, to grow apart, change in civil status, communication breakdown, the couple are incompatible, marriage guidance, mutual consent, tolerance and understanding, grant a divorce, the best interests of children

Divorce proceedings in England take place in certain County Courts known as divorce county courts. Some matters are also dealt with in the Family Division of the High Court. It is necessary for one of the parties to convince the court that the marriage has broken down irretrievably-without any chance of reconciliation. To do this the person seeking, or petitioning for divorce, must prove one of five things: that the other party, or respondent, committed adultery (had sex with someone else); that the respondent's behavior has been unreasonable; that the respondent deserted the petitioner at least two years previously; that the couple has lived apart for two years and both agree to a divorce; or that they have lived apart for five years. Even if the court is satisfied that there is enough evidence of one of the above, a divorce will not be issued until satisfactory arrangements have been made for any children of the marriage, including determining who is to have custody of the children, the rights of the children to maintain contact with the other parent, and financial arrangement for the children's welfare.

The procedure is for one party to petition for divorce. А county court district judge considers the evidence and, if the grounds for divorce are proven, the judge pronounces а decree nisi which is а provisional measure. Six weeks later the petitioner can apply for а decree absolute, which is the final measure. The decree absolute has to be issued by the county court before either party can re-marry. If the case is а complex, difficult or grave оnе, it can be transferred to the High Court Family Division.

А decree of divorce must be pronounced in open court, but а procedure for most undefended cases dispenses with the need to give evidence in court and permits written evidence to be considered by the district judge.

The High Court or divorce county court has wide powers to order both an ex-husband and an ex-wife to make financial provisions for the other and for their children. This may include periodic payments, a lump sum of cash, transfer of property into the other spouse's name, or sale of property so that the money can be divided. In general, these orders are supposed to support the children and other spouse (usually the one taking care of the children; often the mother) until they become financially independent.

When a couple separates, whether married or unmarried, the welfare of any children and the division of any property are the most important, and often the most difficult problems, to resolve. People who once lived together happily may argue bitterly once the trust between them has dissolved. Although it is possible, and certainly much cheaper, to arrange most of the terms of a divorce privately without lawyers, many couples find that it is impossible for them to reach such an agreement.

In the case of property, the courts have to find a balance between two principles. One is that any division should fairly reflect how much each party contributed to the property they held together. In the past, some women suffered when they separated from their husband because the house they lived in was bought with his money and registered in his name. Nowadays, courts look beyond legal ownership and cash contributions. Work done in the home, time spent caring for the family, even emotional support, are all considered as giving some rights to property. In the United States, there have been cases of the lovers of famous entertainers claiming a proportion of the income earned by their partner during the time they lived together, and sometimes millions of dollars have been at issue. When Cindy Nelson separated from her girlfriend, tennis star Martina Navratilova, she produced a contract that the two women had signed when they lived together to support her huge claim for money.

The other principle which courts must consider is the needs of the parties. It is no longer assumed that a woman who was financially dependent on her husband when they were married will remain so after they are divorced, but the length of the marriage and the age and skills of the woman will be considered in deciding how soon-if at all-she is likely to become independent. There are a few cases of a court refusing to grant a divorce at all because the couple in question was elderly and would never recover from the financial shock.

b After two years of living apart a couple may get divorced, even if one of them objects

4 What are the two principles an English Court considers when dividing family property during a divorce?

6 Make a list of age limits in your country for such activities as marriage, voting, driving a car, smoking. Now conduct a survey of others in the class to find out their opinion as to whether the limits are too high or low. Record their answers.

Ex. Listen to the conversation and put the phrases in the spaces (some will be used more than once)

it is increasing we’re talking that would be very shocking it’s changing my friends actually are going develop an understanding things are changing the divorce rate is going it has changed

Katia: So, Enam, ……………. about arranged marriages, but what about the rate of divorce of arranged marriages? Is it high?

Enam: Well, actually, the rate is incredibly low. Actually, it's below ten percent and …………. but still it's really low and the reason I think is because the culture in Bangladesh on in that kind of culture, boys and girls are like grown-up in different ways, and they don't really see each other that closely, and that's why when you are married with a person, you start to know that person after different... opposite gender … quite well and that helps ………… and they both... both of them try to understand each other - their values - and in the cultural background it's normally decided that they have to be together normally without exception for the rest of their lives, so they just try to work in that way. Do you have a higher divorce rate in your country?

Katia: Actually, unfortunately …………. I really don't know the percentage but when I was young, if somebody of my friends parents would get a divorce …………. to hear. It wasn't common. But now, a lot of …………… through divorce or their parents have divorced, which it wasn't common but now it seems a little bit more common, so unfortunately ……………..in Mexico.

Enam: Why do you think that …………… up? What could be the reason behind this?

Katia: I think it's very hard to say but I think they're various reasons. For example, women didn't used to work. They used to stay home and take care of the house, the husband, the children, but now women have become more independent. They have been able to make different decisions that before they didn't have to, so I think the independence of the women has changed things and perhaps the culture itself, the culture of marriage and divorce, ………….. also so I think possibly those two reasons.

The divorce rate in Brazil has doubled over the last 20 years. People used to be shocked if someone got divorced, but now they think that if a woman is being abused then it is much better to get divorce. The majority of the divorces are initiated by women_, but the law says that a couple has to live apart for two years before it’s official.

Even though they fight all the time, my mother and father would never dream of getting divorced. On the other hand, several of my friends have gotten divorced and it seems to be a trend that is increasing in China. As more women work and become financially independent, more and more divorces happen.

A friend of mine who is a psychologist knew a couple who told him that they had been married for over 40 years. He asked them how they managed to stay together for so long. The husband replied, " We have never hated each other at the same time”.

There are definitely good points and bad points about being married. You have to give up a lot of your freedom when you are married which is probably the hardest part. Overall, I think trading your freedom for someone who is always there to support you and help you through tough rimes is worth it.

8. After a few years, relationships aren't as exciting and couples started to get boring.