Ugly for Life

They must have forewarned the minders about her return. All the other uglies were gone, off on some unscheduled school trip. But they hadn't found out in time to save her stuff.

When Tally reached her old room, she saw that everything had been recycled. Clothes, bedding, furniture, the pictures on the wallscreen-it had all reverted back to Generic Ugly. It even looked as if somebody else had been briefly moved in, then out again, leaving a strange drink can in the fridge.

Tally sat down on the bed, too stunned to cry. She knew she would start bawling soon, probably losing it at the worst possible time and place. Now that the encounter with Dr.

Cable was over, her anger and defiance were fading, and there was nothing left to sustain her. Her stuff was gone, her future was gone, only the view out the window remained.

She sat and stared, having to remind herself every few minutes that it had all really happened: the cruel pretties, the strange buildings on the edge of town, the terrible ultimatum from Dr. Cable. Tally felt as if some wild trick had gone horribly wrong. A weird and horrible new reality had opened up, devouring the world she knew and understood.

All she had left was the small duffel bag she'd packed for the hospital. She couldn't even remember carrying it all the way back here. Tally pulled out the few clothes, which she'd shoved in at random, and found Shay's note.

She read it, looking for clues.

Take the coaster straight past the gap, until you find one that's long and flat.

Cold is the sea and watch for breaks.

At the second make the worst mistake.

Four days later take the side you despise, and look in the flowers for fire-bug eyes.

Once they're found, enjoy the flight.

Then wait on the bald head until it's light.

Hardly any of it made sense to her, only bits and pieces. Shay had obviously meant to hide the meaning from anyone else reading it, using references only the two of them would understand. Her paranoia made a lot more sense now. Having met Dr. Cable, Tally could see why David wanted to keep his city-or camp, or whatever it was-a secret.

As Tally held the note, she realized that it was what Dr. Cable had wanted. The woman had been sitting across the room from the letter the whole time, but they'd never bothered to search her. That meant that Tally had kept Shay's secret, and that she still had something to bargain with.

It also meant that Special Circumstances could make mistakes.

Tally saw the other uglies come back in before lunchtime. As they filed off the school transport, all of them craned their necks to look up at her window. A few pointed before she ducked back into the shadows. Minutes later Tally could hear kids in the hall outside, growing silent as they passed her door.

A few even giggled, as new uglies always did when tried to keep quiet.

Were they laughing at her?

Her rumbling stomach reminded Tally that she hadn't eaten breakfast, or dinner the night before. You weren't supposed to have food or water for sixteen hours before the operation. She was starving.

But she stayed in her room until lunch was over. She couldn't face a cafeteria full of uglies watching her every move, wondering what she had done to deserve her still-ugly face.

When she couldn't stand her hunger anymore, Tally stole upstairs to the roof deck, where they put out leftovers for whoever wanted them.

A few uglies saw her in the hall. They clammed up and stood aside as Tally passed, as if she were contagious. What had the minders told them? Tally wondered. That she'd pulled one too many tricks?

That she was inoperable, an ugly-for-life? Or just that she was a Special Circumstance?

Everywhere she went, eyes looked away, but it was the most visible she'd ever felt.

A plate was set out for her on the roof deck, sealed in plastic wrap, her name stuck to it.

Someone had noticed that she hadn't eaten. And, of course, everyone would realize that she was in hiding.

The sight of the plate of food, wilted and solitary, made the suppressed tears well up in her eyes. Tally's throat burned as if she'd swallowed something sharp, and it was all she could do to get back to her room before she burst into loud, jagged sobs.

When she got there, Tally found that she hadn't forgotten to bring the plate. She ate while she cried, tasting the salt of her tears in every bite.

Her parents came by about an hour later.

Ellie swept in first, gathering Tally into a hug that emptied her lungs and lifted her feet off the ground.

" Tally, my poor baby! "

" Now don't injure the girl, Ellie. She's had a tough day."

Even without oxygen, it felt good inside the crushing embrace. Ellie always smelled just right, like a mom, and Tally always felt like a littlie in her arms. Released after what was probably a solid minute, but still too soon, Tally stepped back, hoping that she wouldn't cry again. She looked at her parents sheepishly, wondering what they must be thinking.

She felt like a total failure. " I didn't know you guys were coming."

" Of course we came, " Ellie said.

Sol shook his head. " I've never heard of anything like this happening. It's ridiculous. And we'll get to the bottom of it, don't you worry! "

Tally felt a weight lift from her shoulders. Finally there was someone else on her side. Her father's middle-pretty eyes twinkled with calm certainty. There was no question that he would sort everything out.

" What did they tell you? " Tally asked.

Sol gestured, and Tally sat down on the bed. Ellie settled beside her while he paced back and forth across the small room.

" Well, they told us about this Shay girl. Sounds like she's a lot of trouble."

" Sol! " Ellie interrupted. " The poor girl's missing."

" Sounds like she wants to be missing."

Her mother pursed her lips in silence.

" It's not her fault, Sol, " Tally said. " She just didn't want to turn pretty."

" So, she's an independent thinker. Fine. But she should have had better sense than to drag someone else down with her."

" She didn't drag me anywhere. I'm right here." Tally looked out the window at the familiar view of New Pretty Town. " Where I'll be forever, apparently."

" Now, now, " Ellie said. " They said that once you've helped them find this Shay girl, everything should go ahead as normal."

" It won't make any difference if the operation happens a few days late. It'll be a great story when you're old." Sol chuckled.

Tally bit her lip. " I don't think I can help them."

" Well, you just do your best, " Ellie said.

" But I can't. I mean, I promised Shay that I wouldn't tell anyone her plans."

They were silent for a moment.

Sol sat down, taking one of her hands in his. They felt so warm and strong, almost as wrinkled as a crumbly's from days spent working in his wood shop. Tally realized that she hadn't visited her parents since the week of summer break, when she'd mostly been anxious to get back to hanging out with Shay full-time. But it was good to see them now.

" Tally, we all make promises when we're little. That's part of being an ugly-everything's exciting and intense and important, but you have to grow out of it. After all, you don't owe this girl anything. She's done nothing but cause you trouble."

Ellie took her other hand. " And you'll only be helping her, Tally. Who knows where she is now and what's happening to her? I'm surprised you let her run off like that. Don't you know how dangerous it is out there? "

Tally found herself nodding. Looking into Sol's and Ellie's faces, everything seemed so clear. Maybe cooperating with Dr. Cable would really be helping Shay, and would set things back on course for herself. But the thought of Dr. Cable made her wince. " You should have seen these people. The ones investigating Shay? They look like…"

Sol laughed. " I guess it would be a bit of a shock at your age, Tally. But of course we old folks know all about Special Circumstances. They may be tough, but they're just doing their jobs, you know. It's a tough world out there."

Tally sighed. Maybe her reluctance was just because the cruel pretties had scared her so much. " Have you ever met them? I couldn't believe the way they looked."

Ellie furrowed her brow. " Well, I can't say I've actually met one."

Sol frowned, then broke into a laugh. " Well, you wouldn't want to meet one, Ellie. And Tally, if you do the right thing now, you probably won't ever meet one again. That sort of business is something we can all do without."

Tally looked at her father, and for a moment she saw something other than wisdom and confidence in his expression. It was almost too easy the way Sol laughed off Special Circumstances, dismissing everything that went on outside the city.

For the first time in her life, Tally found herself listening to a middle pretty without being completely reassured, a realization that made her dizzy. And she couldn't shake the thought that Sol knew nothing about the outside world Shay had fled to.

Maybe most people just didn't want to know. Tally had been taught all about the Rusties and early history, but at school they never said a single thing about people living outside the cities right now, people like David. Until she'd met Shay, Tally had never thought about it either.

But she couldn't dismiss the whole thing the way her father had.

And she had made Shay a solemn promise. Even if she was just an ugly, a promise was a promise.

" Guys, I'm going to have to think about this."

For a moment, an awkward silence filled the room. She'd said something they hadn't expected.

Then Ellie laughed and patted her hand. " Well, of course you do, Tally."

Sol nodded, back in command. " We know you'll do the right thing."

" Sure. But in the meantime, " Tally said, " maybe I could come home with you? "

Her parents shared another look of surprise.

" I mean, it's really weird being here now. Everyone knows that I…I'm not scheduled for classes anymore, so it would just be like coming home for autumn break, but a little early."

Sol recovered first, and patted her shoulder. " Now, Tally, don't you think it would be even stranger for you out in Crumblyville? I mean, there's no other kids out there this time of year."

" You're much better off here with the other children, darling, " Ellie added. " You're only a few months older than some of them. And goodness, we don't have your room ready at all! "

" I don't care. Nothing could be worse than this, " Tally said.

" Oh, just order up some more clothes, and get that wallscreen back the way you want it, " Sol said.

" I didn't mean the room-" " In any case, " Ellie interrupted, " why make a fuss? This'll all be over in no time. Just have a nice chat with Special Circumstances, tell them everything, and you'll be headed where you really want to be."

They all looked out the window at the towers of New Pretty Town.

" I guess so."

" Sweetheart, " Ellie said, patting her leg, " what other choice do you have? "

Peris

During the daytime, she hid in her room.

Going anywhere else was pure torture. The uglies in her own dorm treated her like a walking disease, and anyone else who recognized her sooner or later asked, " Why aren't you pretty yet? "

It was strange. She'd been an ugly for four years, but a few extra days had brought home to her exactly what the word really meant. Tally peered into her mirror all day, noting every flaw, every deformity. Her thin lips pursed with unhappiness. Her hair grew even frizzier because she kept running her hands through it in frustration. A trio of zits exploded across her forehead, as if marking the days since her sixteenth birthday. Her watery, too-small eyes glared back at her, full of anger.

Only at night could she escape from the tiny room, the nervous stares, her own ugly face.

She fooled the minders and climbed out as usual, but she didn't feel much like any real tricks. There was no one to visit, no one to play a prank on, and the idea of crossing the river was too painful to consider.

She had gotten a new hoverboard, and tricked it up like Shay had taught her, so at least she could fly at night.

But flying didn't feel the same. She was alone, it was getting cold at night, and no matter how fast she flew, Tally was trapped, and she knew it.

The fourth night in ugly exile she took her board up into the greenbelt, staying at the edge of town. She whipped it back and forth past the dark columns of tree trunks, shooting through them at top speed, so fast that her hands and face collected dozens of scratches from the branches blurring by.

After a few hours' flying had worn away some of her anguish, Tally had a happy realization: This was the best she'd ever ridden; she was almost as good as Shay now.

Never once did the board dump her for getting too close to a tree, and her shoes held on to its grippy surface like they were glued there.

She worked up a sweat even in the autumn chill, riding until her legs were tired, her ankles aching, her arms sore from being spread out like wings guiding her through the dark forest. If she rode this hard all night, Tally thought, maybe tomorrow she could sleep the hideous daylight away.

She flew until exhaustion forced her home.

When she crawled back into her room at dawn, someone was waiting there.

" Peris! "

His features burst into a radiant smile, big eyes flashing beautifully in the early light. But when he looked closer, his expression changed. " What happened to your face, Squint? "

Tally blinked. " Haven't you heard? They didn't do the-" " Not that." Peris reached up and touched her cheek, which smarted under his fingertips.

" You look like you've been juggling cats all night."

" Oh, yeah." Tally ran her fingers through her hair, and rummaged through a drawer. She pulled a medspray out, closed her eyes, and squirted herself in the face.

" Ow! " she yelped in the few seconds before the anesthetic kicked in. She sprayed her scratched hands as well. " Just a little midnight hoverboarding."

" A little past midnight, don't you think? "

Out the window, the sun was just beginning to turn the towers of New Pretty Town pink.

Cat-vomit pink. She looked at Peris, exhausted and confused. " How long have you been here? "

He shifted uncomfortably in her window chair. " Long enough."

" Sorry. I didn't know you were coming."

He raised his eyebrows in beautiful anguish. " Of course I came. The moment I figured out where you were, I came."

Tally turned away, unlacing her grippy shoes as she collected herself. She'd felt so abandoned since her birthday, it had never occurred to her that Peris would want to see her, especially not here in Uglyville.

But here he was, worried, anxious, lovely.

" It's good to see you, " she said, feeling tears come into her eyes. They were red and puffy most of the time these days.

He beamed up at her. " You too."

The thought of what she must look like was too much. Tally collapsed onto the bed, covering her face with her hands and sobbing. Peris sat next to her and held her for a while as she cried, then wiped her nose and sat her up. " Look at you, Tally Youngblood."

She shook her head. " Please don't."

" You're an absolute mess."

Peris found a brush and ran it through her hair. She couldn't meet his eyes, and stared at the floor.

" So, do you always go hoverboarding in a blender? "

She shook her head, lightly touching the scratches on her face. " Just tree branches. At high speed."

" Oh, so getting yourself killed is your next brilliant trick. I guess that would just about top your current one."

" My current what? "

Peris rolled his eyes. " This whole trick where you haven't turned pretty yet. Very mysterious."

" Yeah. Some trick."

" When did you get modest, Squint? All my friends are fascinated."

She turned her puffy eyes to her friend, trying to figure out if he was kidding.

" I mean, I already told everyone about you after that fire alarm thing, but they're really dying to meet you now, " he continued. " There's even a rumor that Special Circumstances is involved."

Tally blinked. Peris was serious.

" Well, that's true, " she said. " They're the reason I'm still ugly."

Peris's big eyes widened even more. " Really? That is so bubbly! "

She sat up and frowned. " Did everyone know about them but me? "

" Well, I had no idea what anyone was talking about. Apparently, Specials are like gremlins; you blame them when anything weird happens. Some people think they're totally bogus, and no one I know has actually seen a Special."

Tally sighed. " Just my luck, I guess."

" So they're real? " Peris lowered his voice to a whisper. " Do they really look different?

You know, not pretty."

" It's not that they're not pretty, Peris. But they're really…" Tally looked at him, gorgeous and hanging on every word. It felt so perfect to be sitting next to him, talking and touching, as if they'd never been apart. She smiled. " They're just not as pretty as you."

He laughed. " You'll have to tell me all about it. But don't you dare tell anyone else. Not yet. Everyone's going to be so intrigued. We can throw a big party when you get yourself prettied up."

She tried to smile. " Peris…"

" I know, you're probably not supposed to talk about it. But once you're across the river, just drop a few hints about Special-you-know-what and you'll get invited to all the parties!

Just make sure you take me with you." He leaned closer. " There's even a rumor that all the bubbly jobs go to people who had tricky records as kids. But that's years from now.

The main thing is to get you pretty already."

" But, Peris, " she said, her stomach starting to hurt. " I don't think I'll…" " You'll love it, Tally. Being pretty's the best thing ever. And I'll enjoy it about a million times more once you're there with me."

" I can't."

He frowned. " Can't what? "

Tally looked up at Peris, clutching his hand. " You see, they want me to tattle on a friend of mine. Someone I got to know really well. After you left."

" Tattle? Don't tell me this is all about some ugly-trick."

" Sort of."

" So, tattle away. How big a deal can it be? "

Tally turned away. " It's important, Peris. It's more than a trick. I made my friend a promise that I'd keep a secret for her."

His eyes narrowed, and for a moment he looked like the old Peris: serious, thoughtful, even a little bit unhappy. " Tally, you made me a promise too."

She swallowed and stared back at him. His eyes shone with tears.

" You promised you wouldn't do anything stupid, Tally. That you'd be with me soon. That we'd be pretty together."

She touched the scar on her palm, still there, even though Peris's had been rubbed away.

He reached over and held her hand. " Best friends forever, Tally."

She knew that if she looked into his eyes again, it would be all over. One glance, and her resistance would evaporate. " Best friends forever? " she said.

" Forever."

She took a deep breath and let herself stare into his eyes. He looked so sad, so vulnerable and wounded. So perfect. Tally imagined herself by his side, just as beautiful, spending every day doing nothing but talking and laughing and having fun.

" You'll keep your promise, Tally? "

A shudder of exhaustion and relief went through her. She had it now, an excuse to break her vow. She'd made that promise to Peris, just as real, before she'd ever met Shay. She had known him for years, and Shay for only a few months.

And Peris was right here, not out in some strange wilderness, and was looking at her with those eyes…

" Of course."

" Really? " He smiled, and it was as bright as the daybreak outside.

" Yeah." The words came out so easily. " I'll be there as soon as I can. I promise."

He sighed and hugged her tight, rocking her softly. Tears rose up in her again.

Peris finally released her, and looked out at the sunny day.

" I should go." He waved at the door. " You know, before the…thingies…all wake up."

" Of course."

" It's almost past my bedtime, and you've got a big day ahead of you."

Tally nodded. She'd never felt so exhausted. Her muscles ached, and her face and hands had started stinging again. But she was overwhelmed with relief. This nightmare had begun three months ago, when Peris went across the river. And soon it would end.

" Okay, Peris. I'll see you soon. As soon as possible."

He hugged her again, kissed her salty, scratched cheeks, and whispered, " Maybe in just a couple of days. I'm so excited! "

He said good-bye and left, checking both ways down the corridor before departing. Tally looked out the window for another glance at Peris, and realized that a hovercar was waiting for him below. Pretties really did get whatever they wanted.

Tally wanted nothing more than to fall asleep, but acting on her decision couldn't wait.

She knew that with Peris gone, the doubts would come back again and haunt her. She couldn't stand another day like this, not knowing if her ugly purgatory would ever end.

And she'd promised Peris she'd be with him as soon as possible.

" I'm sorry, Shay, " Tally said quietly.

Then she picked up her interface ring from where it had lain on the bedside table all night, and slipped it on. " Message to Dr. Cable, or whomever, " she said to it. " I'll do what you want. Just let me sleep for a while. Message over."

Tally sighed, and let herself fall back onto the bed. She knew she should spray her scratches again before passing out, but the thought of moving made her whole body ache.

A few dozen scratches wouldn't keep her from sleeping today. Nothing would.

Seconds later, the room spoke. " Reply from Dr. Cable: A car will be sent for you, arriving in twenty minutes."

" No, " she mumbled, but realized that it would be useless to argue. Special Circumstances would come, they would wake her up, they would take her.

Tally decided to try for a few minutes of sleep. It would be better than nothing.

But for the next twenty minutes, she never once shut her eyes.