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A hard Day's night: the script by Alun Owen
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Improvised dialog is indicated in parentheses.
Cut action or dialog is indicated with square brackets.
EXTERIOR, STREETS OUTSIDE RAILWAY TERMINAL, DAY
Song: " A Hard Day's Night"
The film opens with crowds of girls, shot in a sequence of CLOSEUPS,
chasing after GEORGE, JOHN and RINGO. The BOYS hare off just ahead of
them. They take a turn down a back alley way and the crowd of screaming
girls are after them.
EXTERIOR, TERMINAL
They rush on through the narrow cobbled passageway and into the main
station [quickly show their tickets at the barrier for the London train].
(We see various bits of byplay: Paul, in a false beard, and an old man
hide behind newspapers on a bench; George, John and Ringo vault a barrier
and hide in a photo booth.) Finally they all get onto the platform as
hordes of yelling and screaming girls reach the closed gates.
EXTERIOR, TERMINAL PLATFORM
[We see the fans rushing to the few platform ticket machines, and endless
pennies being dropped and tickets torn out in their haste to get onto the
platform to see the BOYS.]
[NORM has been waiting for the BOYS and he hurries them to where all
their baggage, instruments and the drums are waiting, piled up to be put
into the guards' van. The BOYS turn and see the oncoming stream of girls
pushing through the bar riers and descending on them with yells and
shouts. They grab their instruments, RINGO makes for the drums. NORM
plugs into a handy transformer and using their instruments like a gun
volley to stop the onrush of females, the BOYS blast fire into a number
and start to sing. This stops the girls in their tracks and they settle
down on whatever they can to listen to them playing.]
[As the BOYS are playing, we CUT BACK to the crowds. In the centre we see
PAUL struggling and pulling to fight his way through the girls to join
the other BOYS. He is dragging a very reluctant old man behind him. The
old man seems most disgruntled and we can see by his gestures how
unwilling he is to be pulled and pushed forward through all the girls.]
[At last PAUL reaches the other BOYS. He sits the old man down on a pile
of cases and joins in the number to the squeals of delight from the fans.
The old man sits aloof and proud, ignoring the whole proceedings. JOHN,
GEORGE and RINGO look enquiringly at PAUL who gives a non-committal shrug
of the shoulders as if to say " it's not my fault" and the number
proceeds.]
[SHOT of sudden horror on JOHN's face; PAUL follows his eyeline only to
see the old man has doffed his cap and is busily collecting money from a
disconcerted crowd. PAUL dives hastily into the crowd, and with suitable
apologies extracts the old man, and with a long suffering sigh, drags him
back to the group. GEORGE and PAUL hold him firmly as they finish the
number, the old man standing there between them.]
[As the number finishes and the girls scream and shout with delight, the
guard blows his whistle. NORM and SHAKE grab the instruments and the
drums, and with the rest pile the lot into the guards' van.] The BOYS
head into their reserved compartment pursued by the fans but the train
moves off. They have successfully repelled all extra boarders.
[The BOYS stand and wave to the fans until out of sight line... ] the
girls running along to the end of the platform waving and calling out.
INTERIOR, RESERVED TRAIN COMPARTMENT
The BOYS relax, sitting down on one side of the compartment. They are
about to settle down and make themselves at home when first GEORGE nudges
RINGO who in turn nudges JOHN. Opposite them is sitting the LITTLE OLD
MAN. He is holding himself stiff, erect and very aloof.
The three BOYS look at him enquiringly, but with an elaborate sniff, he
looks away from them and out the window.
PAUL catches his eye and winks at the LITTLE OLD MAN. He winks back at
PAUL, scowls at the other three then looks firmly out of the window
again. The BOYS turn on PAUL [crowding around him].
JOHN: Eh... pardon me for asking, but who's that little old man?
PAUL: What little old man?
JOHN: (pointing) That little old man.
PAUL: Oh, that one. That's me grandfather.
(GEORGE: Your grandfather?)
(PAUL: Yeah.)
GEORGE: That's not your grandfather.
PAUL: It is, y'know.
GEORGE: But I've seen your grandfather. He lives in your house.
PAUL: Oh, that's me other grandfather, but he's my grandfather as well.
JOHN: How d'you reckon that one out?
PAUL: Well... everyone's entitled to two, aren't they, and this one's
me other one.
JOHN: (long suffering) Well, we know that but what's he doing here?
PAUL: Well, me mother said the trip u'd do him good.
RINGO: How's that?
PAUL: Oh... he's nursing a broken heart.
The lads all look intently at the GRANDFATHER.
JOHN: Aah... the poor old thing. He leans across to GRANDFATHER.
JOHN: Eh, Mister, are you nursing a broken heart, then?
The GRANDFATHER glares at him, in a way that indicates yes.
JOHN: (To Paul) He's a nice old man, isn't he?
PAUL: He's very clean.
They all agree with Paul.
[PAUL: (whispering) You see, he was going to get married but she threw
him over for a butcher.]
[GEORGE: A butcher? ]
[PAUL: Yeah, she was fickle.]
[JOHN: Aye and fond of fresh meat and all.]
[PAUL: (seriously) No... it was his sweetbreads. She was dead kinky
for sweetbreads. Anyroad, me mother thought it'ud give him a change of
scenery, like.]
[JOHN: Oh, I see.]
John has been examining GRANDFATHER. He now leans forward to him (and
crosses to sit beside him).
JOHN: (in a friendly voice) Hello, grandfather!
GRANDFATHER: Hello.
JOHN: (delightedly) He can talk then, (can he?)
PAUL: (indignantly) Course he can talk. He's a human being, like. Isn't
he?
RINGO: (grinning) Well... if he's your grandfather, who knows?
The lads all laugh.
JOHN: And we're looking after him, are we?
GRANDFATHER: I'll look after meself.
PAUL: (standing up) Aye, that's what I'm afraid of!
JOHN: He's got you worried, then?
(PAUL: (combing hair) He's a villain, and a real mixer and he costs you a
fortune in breach of promise cases.)
GEORGE: (disbelieving) Gerron.
PAUL: No, straight up.
[GRANDFATHER: The lad's given you the simple truth. I'm cursed wid
irresistible charm, I'm too attractive to be let loose.]
At this moment, SHAKE, a tall man who works with the BOYS, pulls open the
door of the compartment.
(SHAKE: Hi, yer.)
BOYS: Hi, Shake.
SHAKE: You got on alright then?
(JOHN: No.)
SHAKE: We're here. Norm'll be along in a mo' with the tickets.
He sees GRANDFATHER.
SHAKE: [Morning! ] (whispers)Who's that little old man?
GEORGE: It's Paul's grandfather.
SHAKE: Oh aye, but I thought...
JOHN: (cutting in) No, that's his other one.
SHAKE: That's alright then.
JOHN: (displaying Grandfather) Clean though, isn't he?
SHAKE: Oh yes, he's very clean.
NORM the road manager appears behind SHAKE.
NORM: Morning, lads.
BOYS: Morning... Hi, Norm.
NORM: (checking them quickly) Well, thank God you're all here. Now,
listen, I've had this marvellous idea... now just for a change, let's
all behave like ordinary responsible citizens. Let's not cause any
trouble, pull any strokes or do anything I'm going to be sorry for,
especially to- morrow at the television theatre, because...
He looks sharply at JOHN who is [polishing his nails.] (sniffing a
bottle of Coke). Are you listening to me, Lennon?
JOHN: (off-hand) You're a swine, isn't he George?
GEORGE: (disinterested) Yeah... a swine.
NORM: (just as indifferent) Thanks. He sees the GRANDFATHER.
NORM: Eh...
BOYS IN CHORUS:...Who's that little old man?
NORM: Well, who is he?
RINGO: He belongs to Paul.
NORM: (accepting the situation) Ah well, there you go. Look, I'm going
down the diner for a cup of coffee, are you coming?
PAUL: We'll follow you down.
GRANDFATHER rises.
GRANDFATHER: I want me coffee.
NORM: He can come with Shake and me if you like?
PAUL: Well, look after him. I don't want to find you've lost him.
NORM: Don't be cheeky, I'll bind him to me with promises.
GRANDFATHER joins SHAKE and NORM.
NORM: (over Grandfather's head) He's very clean, isn't he? Come on
Grandad.
SHAKE and NORM collect GRANDFATHER and are in the process of leaving the
compartment when an upper class city Englishman, JOHNSON, attempts to
enter. There is a bit of confusion and they get tangled up with each
other.
JOHNSON: Make up your minds, will you!
At last SHAKE, NORM and GRANDFATHER sort themselves out and JOHNSON
enters with his case. The other three go to coffee. JOHNSON puts his case
up on the luggage rack, then sits down. All his movements are
disgruntled... he finally picks up his copy of the Financial Times and
burying himself behind it, starts to read.
(PAUL: Morning.)
(RINGO: Morning.)
After a moment he looks up, notices the compartment window is open. He
gets up and without so much as a " by your leave" he closes it, glares at
the BOYS and sits down again. The BOYS exchange looks as if to say...
" Hello, Saucy!! "
(RINGO: Woah!)
PAUL: (politely) Do you mind if we have it opened?
JOHNSON: (briefly) Yes, I do.
JOHN: Yeah, but there are four of us, like, and we like it open, if it's
all the same to you, that is.
JOHNSON: (rudely) Well, it isn't. I travel on this train regularly twice
a week, so I suppose I've some rights.
RINGO: Aye, well, so have we.
He disappears behind his paper before the BOYS can say another word.
RINGO pulls a face at the raised paper and switches on his portable
radio. A pop number is playing.
JOHNSON puts down his paper firmly.
JOHNSON: And we'll have that thing off as well, thank you.
RINGO: But I...
JOHNSON leans over and switches it off.
JOHNSON: An elementary knowledge of the Railway Acts would tell you I'm
perfectly within my rights.
He smiles frostily.
PAUL: Yeah, but we want to hear it and there's more of us than you. We're
a community, like, a majority vote. Up the workers and all that stuff!
JOHNSON: Then I suggest you take that damned thing into the corridor or
some other part of the train where you obviously belong.
JOHN: (leaning forward to him) Gie's a kiss!
PAUL: [Shurrup! ] Look, Mister, we've paid for our seats too, you know.
JOHNSON: I travel on this train regularly, twice a week.
JOHN: Knock it off, Paul, y' can't win with his sort. After all, it's his
train, isn't it, Mister?
JOHNSON: And don't you take that tone with me, young man!
[GEORGE: But...]
JOHNSON: (accusingly) I fought the war for your sort.
RINGO: Bet you're sorry you won!
JOHNSON: I'll call the guard!
PAUL: Aye... but what? They don't take kindly to insults. Ah, come on,
you lot. Let's have a cup of coffee and leave [Toby the manger] (the
kennel to Lassie).
The BOYS troop out of the door into the corridor. JOHNSON smiles
triumphantly. He is about to settle down to his paper when there is a tap
on the corridor window. He looks up and we see pressed against the window
a collection of hideous Beatle faces.
PAUL: Eh, Mister... can we have our ball back!
[The man jumps to his feet.]
(Surreal shot of the BOYS running alongside the train, banging on the
window.)
(BOYS: Hey Mister... can we have our ball back!)
(BOYS carry RINGO past the interior compartment window as if he is
wounded.)
[(BOYS: Hey Mister... can we have our ball back!)]
[INTERIOR, OF THE CORRIDOR]
[The BOYS run away like a pack of school boys and disappear round the
corner.]
[INTERIOR, OF THE CORRIDOR]
[From the P.O.V. of the door leading to the restaurant car.]
[The BOYS come down the corridor in full flight, laughing away like happy
idiots. GEORGE and PAUL pull open the sliding doors. The BOYS look
inside.]
INTERIOR, RESTAURANT CAR
From their P.O.V. we see the car is half empty and at a table in the
centre SHAKE and NORM and GRANDFATHER are sitting. On the table is a pile
of photos of the BOYS. NORM and SHAKE are arguing. NORM is being very
aggressive, much to SHAKE's discomfort.
NORM: Yeah, you want to watch it.
SHAKE: (unhappily) It's not my fault.
NORM: Well, you stick to that story, son.
SHAKE: I can't help it, I'm just taller than you are.
GRANDFATHER: (to NORM slyly) They always say that.
NORM: Yeah, well I got me eye on you.
SHAKE: I'm sorry Norm, but I can't help being taller than you.
NORM: Well, you don't have to rub me nose in it. I've a good mind to...
(He is about to thump SHAKE.)
JOHN: (enjoying himself) If you're going to have a barney I'll hold your
coats.
NORM: He started it.
SHAKE: No, I didn't you did...
GEORGE: Well, what happened?
SHAKE: The old fella wanted these pictures and Norm said he couldn't have
'em, all I said was " aw go on, be big about it."
PAUL: And?
NORM: Your grandfather pointed out Shake was always being taller than me
to spite me.
PAUL: I knew it, he started it, I should have known.
NORM: Y'what?
PAUL: You two have never had a quarrel in your life and in two minutes
flat he's got you at it. He's a king mixer. [Adam and Eve, meet the
serpent. Anthony and Cleopatra, there's your asp. Divide and Conquer,
that's this one's motto.] He hates group unity so he gets everyone at it.
The BOYS, i.e. JOHN, GEORGE and RINGO, look at each other then at PAUL.
[PAUL: Aye and we'll have to watch it and all.]
GEORGE: I suggest you give him the photos and have done with it.
NORM: You're right, here you are old devil.
GRANDFATHER grins triumphantly and collects them, then with a sweet smile
he turns to PAUL.
GRANDFATHER: Would you ever sign this one for us, Pauly?
(NORM: Oh, come on Shake.) SHAKE and NORM leave.
PAUL does so automatically but in the middle of signing he gets
suspicious. GRANDFATHER smiles at him charmingly so PAUL finishes
signing.
[JOHN: Come on let's get this coffee.]
[GRANDFATHER: Before you go, I think it's only fair to warn you about me
grandson... don't let our Paul have his own way all the time, 'cos if
you do he won't respect you! ]
[JOHN, RINGO and GEORGE take this up straight away. They all pretend to
be girls, RINGO jumps into PAUL's arms.]
[GEORGE: (coyly) Oh, Paul, you can't have your own way! ] [JOHN:
(invitingly, in a Marlene Dietrich voice) If I let you have your own way,
you little rascal, will you respect me? ]
[PAUL: (choked) I'll murder you, Grandfather! ]
[JOHN waltzes PAUL down to an empty table and the lads sit down.]
GEORGE: Eh, look at that talent.
They all gaze across the aisle. From their P.O.V. we see two very
attractive young girls, RITA and JEAN, having coffee.
JOHN: Give 'em a pull.
PAUL: Shall I?
GEORGE: Aye, but don't rush. None of your five bar gate jumps and over
sort of stuff.
PAUL: Now what's that mean?
GEORGE: (grinning) I don't really know, but it sounded distinguished,
like, didn't it?
JOHN: George Harrison, The Scouse of Distinction.
We follow PAUL as he crosses over to the two girls. He places a bowler on
his head.
PAUL: (Excuse me, madame.) (in posh accent) Excuse me, but these young
men I'm sitting with wondered if two of us could join you; I'd ask you
meself only I'm shy.
The two girls giggle together. JOHN and GEORGE are about to move over
when GRANDFATHER suddenly appears by their sides.
GRANDFATHER: (sternly) I'm sorry, Miss, but you mustn't fraternise with
my prisoners.
JEAN: Prisoners!!
GRANDFATHER: Convicts in transit to Wormwood Scrubs. Typical old lags,
the lot of 'em.
THE BOYS: Y'what!!!
[GRANDFATHER: Quiet, you lot, or I'll give you a touch of me truncheon.
(He points at Ringo.) That little one's the worst. If we don't keep him
on tablets he has fits.]
[RINGO: (protesting) Now look here!! ]
[GRANDFATHER grabs two lumps of sugar from the table and forces them into
RINGO's mouth.]
GRANDFATHER: Get out while you can, ladies, [his time's coming round for
one of his turns.]
The girls scurry out of the restaurant car. We are not sure if they
recognised the BOYS who look in amazement and horror at GRANDFATHER. They
are completely flabbergasted. [GRANDFATHER smiles at them benignly.]
INTERIOR OF RAILWAY COMPARTMENT
SHAKE and NORM are seated. SHAKE is buried in a [science fiction book]
Mad Magazine. NORM looks at his watch, slightly worried.
NORM: He's been gone a long time.
SHAKE: (without looking up) Who?
NORM: Paul's grandfather.
SHAKE: Oh, I didn't notice, where'd he go?
NORM: Down the.. er...
SHAKE: Oh, down the... er...?
NORM: Yeah, down the... er...
SHAKE: Well, give a couple of minutes...
He resumes reading. But NORM goes on worrying.
[INTERIOR OF ANOTHER RAILWAY COMPARTMENT]
[GRANDFATHER is in full flight of conversation with a charming elderly
lady, AUDREY, who is listening intently.]
[GRANDFATHER: (proudly) Yes, I'm their manager, I discovered them.]
[AUDREY: Did you indeed, Mr. McCartney? ]
[GRANDFATHER: Now, Audrey, I told you, the name's John. We show biz
people are a friendly lot.]
[AUDREY: Of course.]
[GRANDFATHER: Yes, they were playing the queues outside the picture
palaces of Liverpool. Scruffy young lads, lacking even the price of a jam
roll. Orphans, every Paddy's son of 'em. I saw their potential at once
although I had me doubts about the little fella, a savage primitive, that
Ringo, but it was him what gave in first. He picked up a brick and heaved
it at me and I quelled him wid one fierce flash of me eyes. " Mister, can
you spare us a penny copper? " he said. I was disarmed by the grubby
little outstretched mauler... So, I took them under me managerial
banner.]
[AUDREY: The usual ten per cent? ]
[GRANDFATHER: Oh, not at all, I let them have twenty-five; sure aren't
there four of them? ]
[AUDREY: (her eyes lighting up) How fascinating. Do go on...
(pause)... John.]
[GRANDFATHER: Oh, I'm all heart, Ma'am, all heart... Well, I let...]
INTERIOR CORRIDOR OF TRAIN
NORM and SHAKE meet with the BOYS as they are returning from coffee.
NORM: Eh, have you got Paul's grandfather?
JOHN: Of course, he's concealed about me person.
NORM: No... he's slipped off somewhere.
PAUL: (accusingly) Have you lost him?
NORM: Don't exaggerate.
PAUL: You've lost him.
SHAKE: Put it this way, he's mislaid him.
PAUL: You can't trust you with anything, Norm. If you've lost him, I'll
cripple you.
SHAKE: He can't be far.
[JOHN: I hope he fell off.]
[PAUL: (mildly) Don't be callous.]
(NORM: Come lads, lets look up the sharp end.)
(GEORGE: What's the matter with you, then.)
(RINGO and GEORGE are looking out a window together.)
RINGO: [He] (His grandfather) doesn't like me, honest, I can tell...
it's 'cos I'm little.
GEORGE: You've got an inferiority complex, you have.
RINGO: Yeah, I know, that's why I took up the drums. It's me active
compensatory factor.
JOHN and PAUL run down the corridor. SHAKE and NORM turn from the door
and go in the opposite direction, GEORGE and RINGO follow after the other
two BOYS.
INTERIOR CORRIDOR OF TRAIN
PAUL and JOHN look into various compartments. CLOSE SHOT of RINGO looking
into compartments in the manner of Groucho Marx. In one of the
compartments we see from RINGO's P.O.V. the occupant, a glamorous woman,
TANIA, with a small lap dog. She is beautifully and most expensively
dressed. She looks up and sees RINGO. RINGO smiles at her and she smiles
back. She then beckons him to join her. He looks around to see if she
means someone else. She nods a negative. RINGO looks back enquiringly
then points at himself as if to say: " Who, me? " TANIA smiles
enthusiastically. GEORGE has been watching all this.
GEORGE: Are you going in, then?
RINGO: No, she'll only reject me in the end and I'll be frustrated.
GEORGE: You never know, you might be lucky this time.
RINGO: No, I know the psychological pattern and it plays hell with me
drum skins.
RINGO blows her a kiss. She blows RINGO a kiss back but he then moves
sadly on.
INTERIOR, FURTHER DOWN THE CORRIDOR
PAUL enters a compartment followed by JOHN. The two girls, RITA and JEAN,
from the restaurant car are sitting there.
PAUL: Excuse me but have you seen that little old man we were with?
The girls jump up, surprised.
JOHN: We've broken out, oh, the blessed freedom of it all! (He extends
his hands as if handcuffed.) Eh, have you got a nail file, these
handcuffs are killing me.
[PAUL: Will you stop it! ]
PAUL: Sorry for disturbing you, [miss] girls.
JOHN is now by the door, he leers at the girls horribly.
JOHN: I bet you can guess what I was in for.
He cackles like a maniac before disappearing, the door closing after him.
(INTERIOR, TRAIN CORRIDOR)
A waiter carrying a tray with champagne and glasses on it passes into one
of the compartments with the blinds down.
[PAUL: How about that one? ]
PAUL moves towards the compartment.
PAUL: (to John) [to Ringo and George] [Did you} (Should we) go in here?
[GEORGE](JOHN): No. I mean, it's probably a honeymoon couple or a company
director or something.
PAUL: Well, I'm going to broaden [our] (my) outlook.
PAUL opens the door of the compartment.
INTERIOR OF COMPARTMENT
From the BOYS' P.O.V. we see GRANDFATHER and the elderly lady, AUDREY,
sipping champagne and nibbling caviar on toast.
GRANDFATHER: (looking up) Congratulate me, boys, I'm engaged.
PAUL enters and crosses over to him.
PAUL: Oh no you're not, not this time. [You've gone too far this time...
and who's paying for all this? ]
[GRANDFATHER: It's all taken care of. It's down on our bill.]
[PAUL: Oh, well that's alright (Realising) What? ]
[AUDREY: Young man, kindly moderate your tone when you address my
fianc� e.]
[PAUL: I'm sorry, Missus, but the betrothal's off. (He grabs GRANDFATHER
by the arm.) I'll refuse me consent, he's over-age! ]
[AUDREY grabs GRANDFATHER's other arm and pulls back.]
[AUDREY: Leave him alone, after all he's done for you is this the way you
repay him.]
[A tug of war now starts between PAUL and AUDREY.]
[PAUL: (pulling) Him? He's never done anything for anybody in his life.]
[AUDREY: (pulling) You dare to say that when even those ridiculous
clothes you are wearing were bought when you forced him to sell out his
gilt edged Indomitables!! ]
[JOHN and GEORGE jump on the seat egging PAUL and AUDREY on.]
[JOHN: Come on, auntie, you're winning.]
[GEORGE: Get in there, Paul, she's weakening.]
[RINGO attempts to interfere.]
[RINGO: Look, Missus, this is all a misunderstanding, you see, he's...]
[AUDREY: Keep away from me, you depraved lout, I know all about your
terrible past.]
[RINGO: Y'what? ]
[She hits RINGO with her handbag and continues struggling with PAUL for
GRANDFATHER. Then RINGO grabs her handbag to stop her from hitting him.]
[RINGO: He's given me a bad character, blackguarding me name to all and
sundry. He's got to be stopped. It's not fair.]
[RINGO pushes out into the corridor, forgetting that he is holding the
woman's handbag. A voice shouts off from outside.]
[VOICE OFF: That's one of them... stop thief! ]
[INTERIOR CORRIDOR]
[From RINGO's P.O.V. we see down to the right the city man, JOHNSON,
approaching with a GUARD. RINGO turns the other way to the left when he
is joined by three other BOYS. From their P.O.V. down the corridor we see
the two girls, autograph books in hand, followed by ten girls from the
same school.]
[Both groups are closing in on the BOYS. There's no escape.]
[RINGO: (looking down at the handbag in his hand) Oh Mother!! ]
INTERIOR, TRAIN LUGGAGE VAN
Very dark, and behind bars we see GRANDFATHER. He is sitting crouched up
on a wooden box tea chest and looks pretty miserable. He turns towards
the CAMERA, in the foreground of the SHOT we see PAUL standing. [In the
background an impassive GUARD is reading a paper which he does
throughout the scene.]
GRANDFATHER: (bitterly) And to think me own grandson would have let them
put me behind bars!
PAUL: Don't dramatise.
The CAMERA PULLS BACK and we see GRANDFATHER in the luggage compart- ment
of the guards' van. In with him are [a crate of chickens and] a dog.
[The chickens peck at him, GRANDFATHER moves listlessly away.]
PAUL: Let's face it, you're lucky to be here. If they'd have had their
way you'd have been dropped off at Stafford.
[GRANDFATHER proudly turns away from PAUL who dodges round so he can
still see his face.]
PAUL: Well, you've got to admit you've upset a lot of people. (At least I
can keep my eye on you while you're stuck in here.)
[GRANDFATHER turns away again.]
[PAUL: Alright, how about Ringo? I mean... he's very upset, you know...
and as far as your girlfriend, little Audrey's concerned, she's
finished with men for the rest of her natural, and another thing...]
[GRANDFATHER: (cutting in) You're left-handed, aren't you, Paul? ]
[PAUL: Yeah... so what? ]
[GRANDFATHER: Why do you always use your left hand? ]
[PAUL: Well, don't be daft, I've got to.]
[GRANDFATHER: And I take a left-handed view of life, I've got to.]
[PAUL grins. After a moment of looking at him, PAUL opens the door of the
luggage compartment and joins GRANDFATHER on a box.]
PAUL: Shove up!
GRANDFATHER produces a penny.
GRANDFATHER: Odds or evens?
PAUL sighs.
PAUL: Odds.
GRANDFATHER flips the coin.
The guards' van door opens and JOHN, GEORGE and RINGO come in, [with them
are the girls, RITA and JEAN.]
JOHN: (as he sees PAUL behind the bars) Don't worry, son, we'll get you
the best lawyer [trading] (green) stamps can buy.
PAUL: Oh, it's a laugh a line with Lennon. (to Ringo) Anyroad up...
It's all your fault.
RINGO: Me? Why?
(PAUL: Why not?)
[GEORGE: Bag-snatcher.]
[GRANDFATHER: That's right; convict without trial... Habeus corpus.]
[JOHN: (casually) Every morning.]
JOHN has been looking around the guards' van.
JOHN: Gaw, it's depressing in here, isn't it? Funny... (he pats the
dog.) 'cos they usually reckon dogs more than people in England, don't
they? You'd expect something a little more palatial. (He shudders.)
[Let's have a little action.] Let's do something, then.
He produces a deck of cards.
PAUL: Like what?
[JOHN: Well, I've got me gob stopper. (He produces his mouth organ.)
Look, a genuine Stradivarius, hand tooled at Dagenham.]
(JOHN: Mmm.)
(PAUL: Okay.)
(As the BOYS begin to play cards), the GIRLS John and Paul saw earlier
arrive.
(GEORGE: God, it's the girls.)
(RINGO: I'll deal.)
(JOHN: Aye, aye, the Liverpool shuffle. Two to you, two to me, three to
him.)
Song: " I Should Have Known Better"
[And to RINGO's beat on a tea chest they are off, PAUL and GEORGE
improvising other sounds, much to the GIRLS' delight. During the number,
GRANDFATHER quietly lets the latch off the chicken crate and chickens
begin to wander through the scene.]
[EXTERIOR, TRAIN IN MOTION FROM ABOVE, NIGHT]
[While the number is progressing, the train is getting nearer and nearer
to London.]
[EXTERIOR, PLATFORM TERMINUS]
[SHOTS of the station full of GIRLS waiting for the BOYS.]
INTERIOR, GUARDS' VAN
[By the time the number finishes the train pulls up with a sharp halt
that sends all the passengers sprawling, BOYS and GIRLS.]
(JOHN: He's riding his lucky wave.)
(RINGO: All mine.)
(JOHN: It won't buy you happiness, my son.)
NORM enters the guards' van.
NORM: Don't move, any of you. They've gone potty out there. The whole
place is surging with girls.
JOHN: Please, can I have one to surge with?
[NORM: No.]
[JOHN: Ah, go on, you swine.]
NORM: No, you can't. Look, as soon as I tell you, run through this door
and into the big car that's waiting.
He points and we see a big car parked across the road. The BOYS prepare
to depart, lining up with GRANDFATHER at the door.
EXTERIOR, PLATFORM TERMINUS
Just as they are ready to go a line of taxis draws up parallel to the
train and now separates them from the big car waiting for them.
[NORM: Oh no! ]
[GRANDFATHER pushes past the BOYS, holding his coat closed.]
(NORM: Come on lads, come on.)
[GRANDFATHER: Alright, lads, follow me.]
[And before NORM can stop him, he darts out of the door, PAUL after him.
The fans further down the platform see PAUL and charge forward... in a
panic NORM and the others follow, JOHN just having time to kiss both the
GIRLS.]
[JOHN: Vive l'amour! ]
[NORM drags him away.]
EXTERIOR, RAILWAY STATION
[The BOYS manage to follow GRANDFATHER by leaping onto a motorized
luggage carrier, GEORGE driving and the other three posing as a frozen
tableau on the back. GRANDFATHER has arrived at a taxi door. He flings it
open and runs through, opening the other do or, thus making a safe bridge
to the car.]
[The BOYS follow. They run towards GRANDFATHER's taxi. The FANS have
followed the BOYS and we see streams of GIRLS piling through all the
taxis [one of which contains JOHNSON the city man, opening and shutting
the doors to get through, much to the indignation of the TAXI DRIVERS.]
[INTERIOR, BIG CAR]
[NORM is sitting in front with the DRIVER. FRANK, the four BOYS and
GRANDFATHER are squashed together in the back.]
[NORM: (to the driver) Go like the clappers, son! ]
[FRANK: (smoothly) That was my entire intention, sir.]
(SHAKE, having seen the BOYS, NORM, and GRANDFATHER successfully escape,
has been left on the baggage platform with all of the equipment. He sighs
and begins loading it up.)
EXTERIOR, STATION
The car moves off surrounded by the FANS; [from a height] we see them
converge on the car but it moves forcefully out of the station and off.
It moves into the traffic in the main road and the journey to the hotel
begins.
INTERIOR, HOTEL SUITE
There is a reception room and off it lead rooms that are presumably
bedrooms, bathroom, etc. JOHN is lying sprawled out on a settee
[listening to a transistor radio, demolishing a basket of fruit.] PAUL is
sitting at an upright piano and GRANDFATHER is mooching about the room.
One of the doors opens and GEORGE ente rs followed by RINGO, none of the
BOYS are wearing coats.
RINGO: I don't snore.
GEORGE: You do - repeatedly.
RINGO: (to John) Do I snore?
JOHN: (eating a banana) You're a window rattler, son.
RINGO: Well, that's just your opinion. Do I snore, Paul?
PAUL: (stopping playing) With a trombone hooter like yours it 'ud be
unnatural if you didn't.
GRANDFATHER: Don't mock the afflicted, Pauly.
PAUL: Oh for Pete's sake, it's only a joke.
GRANDFATHER: Well, it may be a joke, but it's his nose. He can't help
having a [horrible] hideous great hooter [nose], it's the only one he's
got. And his poor little head's trembling under the weight of it.
NORM enters with three piles of fan mail and places them in front of JOHN
on a table. RINGO is almost in tears, examining his nose in a mirror.
NORM: Paul, John, George - get at it.
JOHN: Hello the income tax have caught up with us at last.
PAUL and GEORGE gather round the low table. RINGO is left out of it.
RINGO: None for me, then?
NORM: Sorry.
John hands RINGO a single envelope.
JOHN: That'll keep you busy.
GRANDFATHER: It's your nose, y'see. Fans are funny that way. Take a
dislike to things. They'll pick on a nose...
RINGO: You go and pick on your own.
SHAKE enters with a stack of mail about three times larger than all the
others put together.
(SHAKE: Hey, here.)
JOHN: Is that yours?
SHAKE: For Ringo.
He dumps it in RINGO's arms who staggers into an armchair. The BOYS send
him up.
JOHN: That must have cost you a fortune in stamps, Ringo.
GEORGE: He comes from a large family.
RINGO: (dumping the letters) Well.
RINGO opens his letter and reads it. It contains a large embossed card.
RINGO: Eh, what's [Boyd's Club] (Le Circle Club?)
The lads gather round him and PAUL takes the card from him and reads.
PAUL: " The Management of [Boyd's] Le Circle Club takes pleasure in
requesting the company of Mr. Richard Starkey, that's you, in their
recently refinished gaming rooms. Chemin de Fer. Baccarat, Roulette, and
Champagne Buffet." [Blimey! ]
RINGO: (surprised) And they want me?
JOHN: Oh it's got round that you're a [heavy punter] big spender.
NORM: (snatching the card) Well you're not going.
RINGO: Ah.
GRANDFATHER: (taking card from Norm) Quite right, invites to gambling
dens full of easy money and fast women, chicken sandwiches and cornets of
caviar, disgusting!
He pockets the card himself.
RINGO: That's mine.
NORM: Have done, and you lot get your pens out.
BOYS: Why?
NORM: It's homework time for all you college puddings. I want this lot
(he indicates the fan letters) all answered tonight.
The BOYS all protest.
(RINGO: I want to go out.)
NORM: I'll brook no denial!
JOHN: It's all right for you, you couldn't get a pen in your foot, you
swine.
NORM: [Come on, Shake, we'll leave 'em to their penmanship.] (Chatter on,
chatter on, but a touch of the writer's cramp will soon sort you out.
Come on Shake.)
(SHAKE: Ta, then.)
He goes followed by SHAKE. There is a pause and JOHN deliberately rises
slowly and crosses to his coat. He puts it on and walks to the door.
(GEORGE: Where are you going?)
JOHN: [While the swine's away the piglets can play. What are we waiting
for? ] (He told us to stay here, didn't he?) Come on.
With a whoop PAUL, GEORGE and RINGO collect their coats and head for the
door.
[GRANDFATHER: What about all these letters? ]
[BOYS: Read 'em! ]
They disappear. After a moment GRANDFATHER takes out RINGO's card.
C.U. GRANDFATHER: [And a free champagne buffet.] He grins to himself.
At this moment a WAITER enters with a tray.
(WAITER: I'll clean up, sir.)
He is clad in tails and GRANDFATHER eyes them longingly, measuring
himself the while alongside the startled waiter. He leaves us with no
doubt in our minds what he wants, i.e., the waiter's suit.
INTERIOR, DANCING CLUB
Song: " I Want To Be Your Man"
The club is the latest in modern decor and full of teen-agers all
enjoying themselves. The CAMERA wanders around the club till it finally
picks out JOHN, PAUL, GEORGE and RINGO all crowded around one small
table. The music is blaring away from a juke box and the BOYS join the
dancers. They are recognised and given smiles and nods of encouragement
by all the other customers. During this scene we CUT AWAY.
INTERIOR, LE CIRCLE CLUB
The whole atmosphere is of quiet elegance and loud wealth. Around the
baccarat table the rich, bored customers sit barely moving a face muscle
as they languidly murmur " suivez" and " banco" to the dealer as he
operates the shoe. The manager of the club is beaming with satisfaction
as he surveys his customers. One of these customers is clad in evening
dress and he has his back to us. The rest of the players (male) are in
suits. By each of them is standing a lush lady with a bored sophisticated
face that loo ks as if it has been painted on. From the REVERSE of the
LAST SHOT we now see the solitary evening dress player is GRANDFATHER. He
looks around him and wipes off his look of enjoyment and elaborately out-
bores everyone in the room.
DEALER: Alors, M'sieur?
GRANDFATHER: (nonchalant) Soufl� e.
He turns to the buxom BLONDE, who is dripping over him.
GRANDFATHER: I bet you're a great swimmer. My turn? Bingo!
CROUPIER: Pas " Bingo, " M'sieur... Banco.
GRANDFATHER: (taking cards) I'll take the little darlings anyway.
He takes up the cards and can't understand that they are unnumbered.
GRANDFATHER: Two and one is three, carry one is four.
The buxom BLONDE leans over him.
[BLONDE: Lay them down.]
[GRANDFATHER: (disturbed by his eyeline) Eh? ]
[BLONDE: Lay them down.]
[GRANDFATHER: We'd be thrown out.]
[BLONDE: Your cards... lay them down... face up.]
[He does so.]
CROUPIER: Huit [a la pointe]... et sept. (He pushes chips and box to
Grandfather.)
[BLONDE: You had a lovely little pair, y'see.]
[GRANDFATHER: I did? ]
[CROUPIER taps impatiently on box shoe.]
[BLONDE: They're yours.]
[GRANDFATHER: They are? ]
[BLONDE: The cards... you're bank.]
INTERIOR, DANCING CLUB
Song: " Don't Bother Me"
The BOYS are having a rare old time and the place is really moving.
[INTERIOR, LE CIRCLE CLUB]
[GRANDFATHER is playing and a waiter is checking the requirements of the
players.]
[GRANDFATHER: Bingo! ]
[CROUPIER: (wearily) M'lord dit " bingo." ]
[WAITER: (to Grandfather) A little light refreshment.]
[GRANDFATHER: (lordly) A glass of the old chablis to wash down a gesture
of gibblets wouldn't go amiss. (He resumes his game.) Soufl� e, chop
chop.]
[The CROUPIER uses the spatula to pick up a card. GRANDFATHER grabs it
and scoops some sandwiches off a passing tray.]
INTERIOR, LE CIRCLE CLUB
GRANDFATHER is looking worried at the call of the card he loses and we
see that all his chips have gone. He notices the waiter delivering snacks
and champagne to a couple, so quick as a flash, he places a handkerchief
over his arm and writing a bill out on a piece of paper, presents it to
the couple and collects payment in chips. He then resumes playing.
GRANDFATHER: Bingo!
INTERIOR, DANCING CLUB
Song: " All My Loving"
The BOYS are at their table again laughing and enjoying themselves, when
suddenly their faces freeze. From their P.O.V. we see NORM standing
glowering down at them. With him is SHAKE. Reluctantly the BOYS rise and
follow NORM out.
INTERIOR, HOTEL ROOM
Waiter is sitting on chair in underclothes, reading. He hears a noise,
says " The manager! " and hides in outer clothes closet. NORM and the BOYS
enter saying:
NORM: Now get on with it.
JOHN: We were going to do it.
NORM: Aye, well, now! (He goes through bedroom.)
RINGO goes to hang up coat in closet. He does so, then crosses to rest.
RINGO: Any of you lot put a man in that cupboard?
ALL: A man? No.
RINGO: Well somebody did.
GEORGE goes to cupboard.
We see the WAITER from his P.O.V.
He closes door, returns to group.
GEORGE: He's right, y'know.
BOYS: (disinterested) Ah well, there you go.
SHAKE enters front door, goes to hang up coat and drags WAITER out.
SHAKE: Eh, what's all this?
PAUL: Oh, him... He's been lurking.
JOHN: Aye, he looks a right lurker.
SHAKE: (to WAITER) You're undressed. Where are your clothes?
WAITER: The old gentlemen borrowed them to go gambling at Le Circle.
[PAUL: No! ]
RINGO: Oh, he's gone to my club, has he?
PAUL: (turning on Ringo) Yeah, it's all your fault, getting invites to
gambling clubs. He's probably in the middle of an orgy by now.
JOHN: Well, what are we waiting for?
[SHAKE: Aye, come on, honest, that grandfather of yours is worse than any
of you lot.]
(WAITER: What about me?)
(JOHN: Too old.)
INTERIOR, LE CIRCLE CLUB
GRANDFATHER is drinking champagne [in locked arms] with BLONDE.
WAITER: Encore de champagne, Monsieur?
GRANDFATHER: Yes, and I'll have some more champagne as well. He takes
another swig of his glass.
MANAGER: (beaming) Lord John McCartney, he's the millionaire Irish Peer,
filthy rich of course.
CUSTOMER: Oh I don't know, looks [rather] (quite) clean to me.
[The MANAGER comes to GRANDFATHER's side.]
[MANAGER: Play is about to resume, m'lord.]
[GRANDFATHER: (handing him a chip) Lead me to it, I've a winning itch
that only success can pacify.]
[He takes his place at the table. The MANAGER watches for a moment then
moves away from the table towards the club reception desk.]
INTERIOR, LE CIRCLE CLUB RECEPTION DESK
JOHN, PAUL, GEORGE, RINGO, NORM and SHAKE are trying to gain entrance.
(NORM: Come ahead you lot. Try to act with a bit of decorum - this is a
posh place.)
(JOHN. We know how to behave, we've had lessons.)
ATTENDANT: I'm sorry sir, members and invited guests only.
[PAUL, GEORGE, RINGO, JOHN: I've got to get in. It's urgent and
important. I've had an invite. Take me to your leader.]
[NORM: Shurrup.]
[The boys do.]
(NORM: Well, uh...)
(ATTENDANT: (letting them in) Oh, yes.)
(SHAKE: I'm with them, I'm Ringo's sister.)
The BOYS enter and meanwhile the MANAGER has walked into SHOT. He
recognises the BOYS and welcomes them with false enthusiasm. They all
start to enter the main room.
NORM: [All we want to know is] Have you got a little old man in there?
MANAGER: (pleasantly) Do you mean Lord McCartney?
C.U. PAUL: He's at it again, look, I'm his grandfather... I mean...
BLONDE: (standing next to Grandfather) Oh, it must be the dolly floor
show.
[JOHN: Stay where you are everybody this is a raid and we want him.]
GRANDFATHER: Who are these ruffians?... I've never seen them before in
my life!..
They grab the protesting GRANDFATHER and drag him into the reception
area. He keeps trying to return to BLONDE and table. [GEORGE and RINGO
each take an end of the velvet cord hanging between the two stanchions.
They exchange ends and rehook it, thus encircling GRANDFATHER by the
entrance desk.] They then go to settle up.
MANAGER: (with false charm) Before you go, gentlemen, there's the small
matter of the bill.
[He snaps his fingers and a waiter hands him the bill.]
NORM: (taking it) I'll settle that.
He glances at it.
NORM: A hundred and eighty pounds!
MANAGER: (icily) I beg your pardon, guineas.
At that moment a WAITER appears with a tray full of pound notes.
WAITER: Your winnings, my lord, one hundred and ninety pounds.
The MANAGER tears up the bill and takes the money.
GRANDFATHER: How about me change?
MANAGER: Cloak room charge.
He hands GRANDFATHER his old mackintosh.
RINGO: (brightly) Ah well, easy come, easy go. (The others glower at
him.) Well.
INTERIOR, LARGE HOTEL BATHROOM, DAY
{Though this scene was written by Alun Owen and not improvised, it was
not a part of the original script. It was added later as a way to give
George Harrison more to do in the film.}
The bath is full of bubbles and the bubbles are high over the top
of the bath. After a moment, JOHN's head appears out of the bubbles; he
is wearing his leather cap and in his hands are a toy merchant ship and a
toy submarine. He begins to play an elaborate game of U-Boat hunting of
British ships; he conducts the game in pig German, barking orders. GEORGE
now enters, he is dressed in his undervest and trousers, and he is
carrying a sponge bag and hand towel. Behind lumbers SHAKE.
JOHN: Guten morgan, mein Herr. Konnen Sie nach ein tea haben? Ah, the
filthy Englander, gootey morgee.
SHAKE: (off hand)(Keep Britain tidy.) (Pleadingly)Aw, go on George.
GEORGE: Don't be ridiculous.
SHAKE: You said I could.
GEORGE: Honest, me mind boggles at the very idea. A grown man, and you've
never shaved with a safety razor.
SHAKE: It's not my fault, I'm from a long line of electricians.
GEORGE: Well, you're not practising on me.
SHAKE: All right. Well, show us then.
GEORGE: (long suffering) Oh, come on then.
GEORGE has unpacked his razor and can of lather. He now has an idea, and
instead of lathering his face, he lathers SHAKE's image in the mirror and
to demonstrate shaving, he shaves the image. [He, however, pulls all the
appropriate faces of shaving on his own face followed closely by SHAKE.]
In the background JOHN continues the North Atlantic sea-war.
JOHN: Rule Britannia, Britannia rule the...
GEORGE: Put that tongue away, it looks disgusting hanging there all pink
and naked - one slip of the razor and...
[CLOSE UP SHAKE as he hastily withdraws his tongue with a gulp.] At this
moment there is a loud sound from JOHN, then a cry of:
JOHN: Hilf ich, uns hilfen. Help!
[SHAKE AND GEORGE rush to the bath side just in time to see JOHN
disappear below the surface of the bubbles.]
GEORGE: (to Shake) Torpedoed again.
They are about to resume the shaving lesson when NORM enters.
NORM: [And what's all this? Do you know there's a dirty great car waiting
to take you lot to the television place? (He bundles SHAKE and GEORGE out
of bathroom.) Where's John? ] Come on lads, there's a car waiting to take
you to the studio. Where's John?
GEORGE: (as he exits) In the bath.
NORM crosses to the bath.
[NORM: Right you are Lennon.]
NORM: All right, Lennon, let's have you.
CLOSE UP NORM looking smug. There is no response so NORM goes to the top
of the bath and pulls out the plug.
NORM: Come on John, stop larking about.
NORM waits a moment then turns to the bath, a look of horror comes over
his face and we see the bath is empty.
NORM: John! John!
We CUT from bath to NORM, still amazed, and JOHN's head comes into frame.
JOHN: [I wonder how I did it! ] What are you messing around with that boat
for - there's a car waiting, come on!
[INTERIOR, BIG CAR MOVING ON WAY TO STUDIOS]
[The BOYS have settled down.]
[JOHN: Should I say it? ]
[GEORGE: Follow your impulse.]
[RINGO: It'll only get you into trouble.]
[JOHN: (to RINGO) Aah, shurrup, misery! ]
[JOHN slouches forward.]
[JOHN: (urgently) O.K. Driver, follow that car! ]
[The driver is an urbane man in a handsome grey uniform.]
[FRANK: (indicating the traffic) Would you like to be a little more
precise, sir? ]
[JOHN: Well, that's the wrong line for a start.]
[FRANK: Sorry? (meaning: " I beg your pardon.")]
[GEORGE: Oh, don't pay any attention to him, he was just fulfilling a
life-long ambition.]
[FRANK: I see.]
[JOHN: Yeah, you know, " O.K. Buster, follow that car, there's a sawbuck
in it for you if you get real close! " ]
[FRANK: Oh, yes, now I'm with you. But, gee, Mister, I've got my license
to think of... we're doing a hundred now...]
[The car is stopped in traffic behind a bus. JOHN gets out of car and
walks to the front JOHN leans in window delightedly, he flashes his
wallet. The car starts again.]
[JOHN: (walking alongside) Ever seen one of these before? ]
[FRANK: Ah... a shamus, eh? ]
[JOHN: I see you go to the night court.]
[FRANK: I've made the scene.]
[JOHN: (jumping into car) Well, remem- ber, it's Leathery Magee up ahead
in that convertible, so cover me in the stake out.]
[GEORGE: I don't think that bit's right.]
[JOHN: What do you expect from an ad lib... Raymond Chandler? ]
[EXTERIOR, STREET]
[As the big car overtakes a company director's Rolls, JOHN lowers his
window and the BOYS let out an imaginary hail of bullets at the executive
in the back. He re- acts violently and starts to shout at them. As he
does so, he presses the button of his win - dow so that we hear only part
of it. But what we do hear is unpleasant. He immediately presses the
button and the window rises.]
[RINGO and PAUL jump out of the car. RINGO takes two drumsticks from his
coat pocket and using them as bandilleros, inserts them with style into
the radiator grill (V.O. " Ole" from the BOYS). PAUL then using his coat
as a matador's cloak, does a butterfly pass at the car which has just
started up, narrowly missing him but he keeps in the matador position.]
[INTERIOR, CAR]
[NORM: Will you all stop it, you're like a gang of school kids. I knew
this was going to happen one day.]
[JOHN: (as Ringo and Paul climb in) Well, you shouldn't have had bacon
for your breakfast, you cannibal.]
[FRANK: (to Norm) We're nearly there, sir.]
[JOHN: Eh... don't call him sir, he's got enough delusions of power as
it is.]
[CLOSE SHOT of a long suffering NORM.]
[NORM: And I was happy in the bakery. I'll never know why I left.]
EXTERIOR, OLD VICTORIAN MUSIC HALL THEATRE
Which has been converted to the T.V. studios. There are a few groups of
GIRL FANS standing outside the front of the theatre, but against the curb
of the pavement is a night-watchman's canvas hut and brazier. The car
approaches.
INTERIOR, CAR
NORM: Get ready John,
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