Internet-based communications

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If you use the Internet, then you probably use Internet-based communications to contact family, friends or co-workers. From sending an instant message to a friend, to e-mailing co-workers, to placing phone calls, to conducting video conferences, the Internet offers a number of ways to communicate.

The advantages of Internet-based communications are many. Since you're already paying for an Internet account (or your employer is), you can save money on phone calls. Of course, no technology is without a downside and Internet-based communications has plenty, such as viruses, privacy issues and spam.

One of the fastest-growing forms of Internet communications is instant messaging, or IM. Think of IM as a text-based computer conference between two or more people. An IM communications service enables you to create a kind of private chat room with another individual in order to communicate in real-time over the Internet. Typically, the IM system alerts you whenever somebody on your buddy or contact list is online. You can then initiate a chat session with that particular individual.

One reason that IM has become so popular is its real-time nature. Unlike e-mail, where you will wait for the recipient to check his or her e-mail and send a reply, if a person you want to reach is online and available in your IM contact list, your message appears instantly in a window on their screen.

While IM is used by millions of Internet users to contact family and friends, it's also growing in popularity in the business world. Employees of a company can have instant access to managers and co-workers in different offices and can eliminate the need to place phone calls when information is required immediately. Overall, IM can save time for employees and help decrease the amount of money a business spends on communications.

Short for electronic mail, e-mail is the transmission of messages over communications networks. The messages can be notes entered from the keyboard or electronic files stored on disk. Most mainframes, minicomputers and computer networks have an e-mail system. Some e-mail systems are confined to a single computer system or network, but others have gateways to other computer systems, enabling you to send electronic mail anywhere in the world.

Videoconferencing is a conference between two or more participants at different sites by using computer networks to transmit audio and video data. Each participant has a video camera, microphone and speakers connected on his or her computer. As the two participants speak to one another, their voices are carried over the network and delivered to the other's speakers, and whatever images appear in front of the video camera appear in a window on the other participant's monitor.

Миттєве повідомлення, проведення відеоконференцій, рахунок, перевага, недолік, попереджувати, одержувач, виключити, відсилати відповідь, зменшити, передача повідомлень, комп’ютер звичайних розмірів, обмежений, доступ/вихід, створювати можливість, передавати, учасник.

code monkey - someone who sits and programs all day; someone who is only valued for their programming skills

early adopter (ранній послідовник) - a person who likes new things and often buys them before they are proven

EOL (end of life) - the point when something is no longer useful or relevant

fanboy (фанат) - someone obsessed or devoted to a particular item or genre

flame (“наїзд”) - to write an intentionally abusive reply to a comment or forum post

geek (комп'ютерник) - an individual with a passion for computers, to the exclusion of other normal human interests

horked (зламаний) - completely broken in some mysterious way; corrupted

killer app (неймовірна програма) - a piece of software which redefines the industry, often causing people to rush out and buy new hardware so they can use it

leading edge (передовий) - at the forefront of a new technology; also referred to as " state-of-the-art"

PHB (pointy haired boss) - t his is a derogatory reference to a stereotypical IT manager who choose their technology platforms based on the latest TV commercial and have no knowledge at all of what their employees actually do

trendsetter (законодавець моди) - someone who successfully defines a path for the rest of the industry to follow

troll - a person who writes intentionally controversial posts on a user forum in order to start a flame war.

whatever (щоб не було) - something sarcastic you can say to non-technical people when they tell repeatedly give you misguided technical instructions that are impossible, impractical, dangerous, or overly time-consuming

1. The bad software architect said, " Tell the developers to stop thinking and start typing like good little _______! " 2. A geek is a typical _______, often trying the latest and greatest technology before their peers have even heard of it. 3. Joe the sysadmin got sent to counseling because he started too many ______ wars on the company intranet. 4. The ______ did not have a girlfriend, but he did have a computer named Lisa which he programmed to sing him love songs before bedtime. 5. Email was the first ______ of the Internet. 6. Tom is such a ______ he still uses his old Commodore Amiga as his main computer. 7. Installing and configuring a Linux wireless network card can be a real ______. 8. Do you think compiled languages have reached their ______? 9. The forum's popularity among serious users went down when the system operator refused to banish the ______. 10. " ______, dude, " replied the programmer when his manager asked him to work overtime to recover his deleted files. 11. Apple is a company of _______, whom everyone else is just following like lemmings. 12. This is how the ______ is described on the Dilbert web site: " He wasn't born mean and unscrupulous, he worked hard at it." 13. The web sites crashed because the server was completely horked. 14. The lead programmer threw his hands up in the air and screamed when he saw the 10, 000 lines of ______ that management asked him to debug by tomorrow. 15. Kyle's company is so ______ they buy everyone new computers every six months.

People often use funny slang and abbreviations in chats and other social situations. Typically, there is a relaxed attitude towards the rules of grammar. The following is a chat transcript between an older grumpy senior developer and a younger intermediate developer. They are discussing a recent hardware acquisition.

*-- The Bunion --*: Did you hear what happened? We had to buy some new hardware last month to run that new killer app that management thought was so important.

*-- The Bunion --*: It was too old to be used anymore, apparently. I told them the hardware requirements for the new CRM system BEFORE they bought it. Now they need to upgrade the whole internal network as well.

*-- The Bunion --*: You won't believe it. A whole truckload of brand new Dell PowerEdge servers with Intel Xeon processors. And a 10 gbps ethernet connection hooking everything together.

*-- The Bunion --*: Whatever. We could have saved a lot of money by staying on the old software platform. It was good enough to make any CRM geek happy.

DeadlyAvenger: Let me get this straight. You're complaining about management buying new hardware? The old hardware was totally EOL.

*-- The Bunion --*: It's such a PHB move to spend so much on replacing a perfectly functioning CRM platform. The CTO probably read a shiny pamphlet at a trade show in San Francisco, had a few drinks over dinner, and then immediately signed the contract.

DeadlyAvenger: You might be stuck in the past, but the code monkeys in the developer room will be salivating over the new equipment. Now they can rewrite their spaghetti code into more object-oriented goodness.

*-- The Bunion --*: I don't mean to be a pita, but I checked out the user reviews of that new release and people say it's fundamentally horked. Newer does not always mean better. It doesn't pay to be an early adopter.

DeadlyAvenger: That may well be true. I thought maybe we should have hosted the new application in the cloud. That's what all the trendsetters are doing nowadays. And people from remote offices would like that because they would get quicker load times.

*-- The Bunion --*: The cloud? Are you serious? What about security? You are such a fanboy of every new IT fad that comes along.

DeadlyAvenger: At least I am not a troll. You are trying to start a flamewar on the company intranet discussion forum in order to show upper management how much you are trying to save money.

*-- The Bunion --*: Well, we didn't exactly have a great financial year so far. Now the whole IT department will be busy upgrading instead of solving our customers' true needs.

DeadlyAvenger: Admit it. If it were up to you, we'd all still be on mainframes programming COBOL.

*-- The Bunion --*: Hahahaha. Yeah I guess you're right. But saving the company money is the only effective way I know of proving I deserve a raise every year.

DeadlyAvenger: Or you could end up proving that you are a cranky old man and get yourself relocated to the Accounting department;)

Grumpy – сварливий; hardware acquisition – придбання технічного забезпечення; avenger – месник; truckload – вагон; salivating over – пускати слину; reviews – відгуки; in the cloud – у великій кількості; load times – час завантаження; fad – примха; cranky – примхливий.