Viva la Cookery Maid

There are once was a maiden to cooking school went,

On dishes delicious her mind was intent,

Her cap and her apron were both very neat,

And she really looked most distractinly sweet,

But the things she concocted a goat couldn’t eat.

She tried to make doughnuts, but they wouldn’t cook through,

She tried to make soup and they used it for glue,

They used her plum pudding to poison the rats,

Her griddle-cakes would have been good for door-mats,

With her biscuits her brother disabled four cats.

One day she made something, a pie so she said,

It was tough as sole-leather and heavy as lead,

She laid it aside and retired to her bed,

A burglar came in and upon it he fed,

When they woke in the morning the burglar was dead

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#2 Stories of Words About English Dining-Table

The Englishmen say that there are two things that always confuse foreigners when they come to Britain: cricket and British meals. However, whereas the visitor can leave without understanding cricket, it is almost impossible to survive without understanding British eating habits.

Clara has come to Britain as an au pair girl. Au pair is French word that recently entered the English vocabulary and is widely used now in its special meaning. Au pair is a young foreigner, a girl as a rule, who lives for a time with a family in order to learn the language. Au pairs usually look after the children of the family and do some of the housework, in return for a small wage.

Clara read an advertisement: “Au Pair in England. The best way for students to improve their English. We can put you in touch with good families in London and England’s countryside. Contact our employment agency.” Clara did so. And here she is in the family of the Bakers. She wants to learn about all aspects of the life of English people. She starts with meals first. Mr. Baker is a teacher, he is very patient, he likes to teach and is eager to explain to Clara everything she wants to know. Mrs. Baker is also helpful and encouraging.

#3 The Bakers at Breakfast

It’s 8 o’clock in the morning. Now the Baker family is about to eat breakfast, but they all want different things. Mr. Baker would like tea and two boiled eggs. Mrs. Baker would like coffee. Both Mr. and Mrs. Baker would like toasts, butter and marmalade. Their son Simon isn’t very hungry, so he only wants an egg and a glass of orange juice. Their daughter Sarah would like cereals with milk and sugar: cornflakes or rice flakes.

#4 Lunch at a Restaurant

At 1 p.m. Mr. and Mrs. Baker go out for lunch, they take Clara along. She is watching and leaning what people say at lunch, what are the names of dishes.

Mr. Baker: Well, I think I’ll start with soup. I’m feeling rather cold. What would you like, dear?

Mrs. Baker: Oh, I think I’ll have fruit juice and afterwards, I’ll have roast lamb or roast beef. Would you like beef too, or how about the fish?

Mr. Baker: No, I Think I’ll have pork chops today. I had fish last time we were here.

Mrs. Baker: To finish with, I’ll have some cake. No, I’ll have apple pie and coffee.

Mr. Baker: Good, let’s find the waiter and order – I’m hungry now. By the way, where did their children have lunch?

Mrs. Baker: Simon had a snack in a pub with friends, Sarah had a bite to eat at school.

#5 Mrs. Baker’s Tea-Party

On the first Thursday in every month Mrs. Baker invites her friends to have tea with her. At four o’clock Mrs. Baker asks Clara to bring in the tea. Clara knows that in England making tea is a very serious matter. Mrs. Baker teaches her how it is done. Fresh water is boiled in a kettle and when the water is hot, a little is put in the teapot to warm it. The pot is then dried and the tea put in – one spoonful for each person and “one for the pot”. When the water is quite boiling, it is poured on to the tea and the tea must be left four or five minutes before it is at its best.

Tea must be poured in cups as carefully, as it is made. Before you pour tea you should ask each person which he or she prefers: with milk or without, with sugar or without it.

Mrs. Baker is a good cook, she is rather proud of her cooking, so she always serves home-made cakes at her tea-parties.

About half past four the guests begin to leave. By five o’clock everyone has gone and Mrs. Baker can begin to get the evening meal ready for the family.

#6 Dinner or Supper?

Clara always wondered how to call the evening meal in an English family: supper or dinner. At about 5 p.m. Mrs. Baker says: “I’ve got to make supper for the kids coming home from school.” Mr. Baker returns from the office and says: “I’m tired and hungry and I want some supper.” The members of the family get together and have their supper.

But what’s dinner then? Mr. Baker explains to Clara: “Dinner is the main meal of the day. In Britain many working-class people use the word “dinner” to refer to the meal that they have at midday. Many middle-class people use the word “dinner” to refer to the meal they eat in the evening.” Clara heard Mrs. Baker say: “Tell Peter his dinner’s in the oven.” Or: “They had a quiet dinner together.”

Once Mrs. Baker tells Clara that they have invited some friends to dinner. The guests arrive at about half past seven and are shown into the sitting-room where Mr. Baker pours drinks for them. Sherry is the most popular wine in England: men usually prefer dry sherry, but women like sweet sherry. At eight o’clock Mr. Baker says that dinner is ready, and all move into the dinning-room.

Mrs. Baker does all the cooking in her house. The food is excellent. There are usually four courses: soup (or, in the summer, fruit juice), fish, meat (beef, mutton, or more often, chicken or duck) and a sweet. The sweet may be pudding, or tart, or perhaps ice-cream. Cheese and biscuits and coffee are served after the sweet, and there are different kinds of fruit also on the table. Wine (either red or white) is drunk with the meat and brandy with the coffee.

At about eleven the guests leave. Mr. and Mrs. Baker see them off at the garden gate. The guests thank their host and hostess for a pleasant evening, and drive off.

Clara realized that when the Bakers have a usual light meal in the evening, it is supper. When they have something special, when there’s wine or brandy, when guests come to eat with the Bakers, it’s dinner then.

Clara is a very inquisitive girl. One quiet evening she looks through books and dictionaries, that Mr. Baker allowed her to use, and that is what she finds out about the history of the English “meal words”

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#7 Stories of Names of the Meals.