Chapter twelve

It was unusually quiet as Jill closed the back door and moved silently across the deck. She supposed the cold rain of earlier had chased everyone inside for the evening. She took a deep breath, smelling wood smoke from neighboring chimneys. A romantic concept, but she and Craig had yet to have one this winter. Of course, a cheery fire burning warmly inside usually meant someone was there to enjoy it. And on this evening, like so many others, she was alone. Craig and Angie were at the basketball game. To their credit, they had invited her. It was an afterthought on Craig's part, she knew, but nonetheless, he'd offered and she declined.

She moved to the porch swing, sinking down heavily as she put it in motion. Her fingers were cold on the wineglass and she pulled her robe tighter around her.

The cold... the quiet. A year ago, loneliness would have settled upon her by now. A feeling of... well, not quite depression, just an aloneness, a feeling she lived with, grew to recognize, grew to accept.

But tonight, as she sat in the swing and quietly rocked back and forth, she couldn't quite conjure up that feeling. She felt at peace. She felt... connected.

She tilted her head back, her eyes searching through the bare trees to the sky, finding only a handful of stars that escaped from behind the clouds. It was enough. She smiled, letting her eyes slip closed as she thought of Carrie, a woman she'd known barely six weeks.

Again, a sense of peace settled over her. She was past trying to figure out why she felt so drawn to Carrie. It didn't matter. She simply was.

She suspected the feeling was mutual.

And that scared her a little.

How long she sat out in the cold, she had no idea. Long enough for the wine bottle to be nearly empty, long enough for the neighbor's lights to go out. She knew she should go inside but she couldn't seem to find the energy to move. But only minutes later, she saw headlights flash across the trees, then the sound of the garage door opening.

She sighed, knowing her peace was over. She swallowed the last of the wine in her glass then bent over to pick up the bottle. She heard Craig calling for her and it was only then she realized she hadn't left any lights on inside. Before she could get up, Craig opened the back door, seeing her in the shadows.

" Jill? What are you doing? "

" Just... just sitting."

" But it's freezing out here."

She pulled her robe tighter around her. " I hadn't noticed."

He surprised her by coming out onto the deck and joining her on the porch swing. Putting an arm around her shoulders, he drew her closer to him.

" Good game? " she asked, trying not to stiffen in his arms.

" Oh, yeah. We killed them, babe. You should come sometime. I really think this is the year we go to State. We're that damn good."

" I'll make a game, I promise."

" Yeah, you always say that."

" I just felt like being alone tonight."

He put the swing in motion then squeezed her shoulder again.

" You've felt like being alone a lot lately, " he said quietly.

" You think so? Just because I didn't want to go to your game? "

" No. It's just, you know, you come out here a lot. Sit out here by yourself. What's going on, Jill? "

" Nothing. Nothing's going on."

" You sure? I mean is there something I need to worry about? "

She smiled. " What are you asking, Craig? "

" You just haven't seemed very happy lately. Makes me think you're not happy with me."

She sighed. " I don't know what's wrong, Craig." She shrugged. " I just feel like being alone is all." She laughed nervously. " I'll be forty in a few months. Maybe it's that."

" But it's not... it's not another man? "

She pulled away slightly, staring at him. " Another man? No, it's not another man." She poked him with her elbow. " In this town? Are you kidding me? "

His laugh was filled with relief she noted as he pulled her closer and kissed her quickly on the lips.

" Okay then. Good. And we have a lunch date tomorrow, " he said.

She frowned. " A date? "

" Yeah. No school. Teacher's workday. I promised Angie I'd take the two of you for pizza. I still owe you, you know."

" But—"

" No buts. I'll swing by here and pick up Angie and then we'll pick you up." He grinned. " I can't remember the last time we went to lunch together. It'll be fun."

Fun? She took a deep breath, trying to shake off the panic that was threatening. Tomorrow was Friday. Her last chance to see Carrie before the weekend.