An Ideal Family Life

The Perfect Parent

1. I think parents shouldn't push a particular narrow point of view or morality on children. And I think they should encourage questioning of authority as far as possible, including parental authority. As a child I didn't like being told 'You have to do this because I'm your mother or father and I say so.' I think I would have liked to have seen reasons behind what was being asked of me. Looking back now, what I don't like so much was the strength of their religious beliefs and the way that they expected the children to share their beliefs. My parents were actually missionaries in India for five years, and my Dad worked as a doctor in a hospital there. At the time I didn't mind at all going to church every Sunday, grace before every meal, but it did lead to a rather strict disciplinary code in their way of bringing us up, and looking back now I feel like I would have had a much sort of richer childhood if we hadn't been pushed into this kind of narrow way of thinking. I think I would have had a much wider range of experiences. And I think it's led to a lack of communication with my parents which still hasn't been overcome, because all of our children have developed such a different lifestyle to my parents' lifestyle, and there's quite a lack of common ground, which causes communication problems.

2. My parents gave me a lot of free time. After dinner, during the week when I was even 15 years old they would let me go out until ten o'clock and they would never ask where I went. I would smoke cigarettes and drink beer, at 15 years old I would hang out in the local pubs and these were type of things that I don't think were too good for me at that time. I think my parents should have maybe at least showed an interest as to where I was going. They never even asked where I was going and they gave me a lot of free time, and I think that they felt that this was a thing that was being a good parent. But I think that teenagers are very naive, and I was as a teenager very naive, and I think I could have used a little more direction from them. These days a lot of parents think they should be lenient with their children, they should let them grow and experience on their own. I think that's what my parents were doing. I think there's a Biblical saying 'Spare the rod, spoil the child' and I think that really applies. And I think you need to direct especially young people. They can be thrown into such a harsh world, especially if you live in a city. I lived in a very small village and it was still a very rough crowd that I found in that village. And my parents never asked questions, and if they only knew they would be shocked.