Chapter forty

" Are you sure takeout is okay? "

Nicole smiled. " It's fine, Jake. I've been here before. Their lasagna is wonderful." Jake just nodded, and Nicole watched her profile as they waited in line. Her face was etched with worry, and Nicole wondered if she was the cause of it. " Bad day? " she finally asked.

" Understatement, " Jake murmured. The car in front of her moved up and Jake did the same. " You know Dr. Benson, the ME? "

" I've met her, yes."

" Well, she hates me. Unfortunately, she did the post on two of our victims. And I was ten minutes late for our meeting this afternoon. Apparently, her time is much more valuable than anyone else's. She let me have it. For once, I didn't just stand there and take it. So, she called the chief who called my captain, who called my lieutenant."

" I'm sorry. She's always been... well, difficult."

" Difficult? " Jake laughed. " I was going to say a bitch."

Nicole laughed, too. " Well, there's that."

Jake turned in the seat and met Nicole's eyes. " I also have a problem with your stalker."

" What do you mean? "

" I can't find a match anywhere, Nicole. Not on our system, not on the log."

Nicole folded her arms across her waist, remembering. " When they showed up, I was in the house, of course. I saw their lights, I heard their sirens. I was in the living room, watching. The guy, the stalker, he ran toward the cars, hands held up. And then there were shots fired, and he just dropped, right there on the lawn."

" What time did all this happen? "

" I don't know. It wasn't really late. Ten maybe."

" Okay. What happened after the shooting? The cops came and talked to you? "

Nicole nodded. " One of the officers did, yes. He said that the guy wouldn't be bothering me anymore. That was about it."

" What about investigators coming to talk to you about the shooting? Internal Affairs? "

" No. No one did."

" Reporters? "

" No."

Jake moved forward again, opening her window and handing the girl some money. " Nicole, if a patrol unit is involved in a shooting, there'll be an investigation. There's an internal investigation anytime there's a shooting, regardless."

" Well, no one talked to me about it."

Jake took the bag through the window and handed it to Nicole, then took her change. " Did anyone else witness this? A neighbor? "

Nicole stared. " Are you questioning whether this really happened? Do you think I'm making this up? "

Jake drove off, getting back on the highway. " No, I don't think you're making this up. And that's what scares me. Because there's no record of it."

" My neighbor came over that night, after it happened. Mr. Reynolds is sort of a busybody in the neighborhood."

Jake turned down her street, slowing as she glanced at Nicole. " I'll talk to him. There's probably no connection whatsoever to your stalker and the murders, but it's just odd that I can't find a record of it."

Nicole watched the street as Jake drove, seeing the identical duplexes flash by until Jake turned into a driveway and cut the engine. Once again, Nicole wondered why Jake lived where she did. It was so out of character from the woman she knew.

A short time later, after Cheyenne had run inside and inspected the visitor, Nicole served portions of lasagna on the two plates Jake had produced. A bottle of wine appeared, and Nicole watched as Jake reached into a cabinet and took down two wineglasses. Nicole unfolded the garlic bread, pleased that it was still warm.

" Smells great, " Jake said. She handed Nicole a paper napkin and a fork, then sat down opposite her.

" Yes. And I'm starving, " Nicole said, taking a bite. " Delicious, " she murmured.

Jake watched her, still dressed for the office but with her sleeves unbuttoned and rolled over at the cuffs. Nicole's wrists were slender, the left one sporting a loose-fitting silver watch, the other bare.

" What? "

Jake looked up. " Hmm? "

Nicole smiled and pointed her fork at Jake's plate. " Eat before I start stealing off your plate."

" You're probably not used to such informal dinners as you've had here, huh? "

" It's not like I eat at Sullivan's every night."

" But when you go out on a date, you go someplace nice? Formal? "

Nicole nodded. " Usually."

Jake leaned forward, smiling. " So, you're really in the closet? "

Nicole nearly blushed. " Professionally, yes. Privately, not really. I mean, my family knows. Catherine obviously knows."

" Where is your family? " Jake asked after sipping from her wine.

" Grand Junction."

" Is that where you grew up? "

" Yes. I got a rather nice scholarship offer from CU and moved to Boulder the summer after graduation." Nicole added more wine to both their glasses. " I don't get back there much, but my mother and I talk often." She looked at Jake, wondering about her own family. " What about you? "

" Family? My folks retired, sold everything they owned and bought a travel trailer."

" You're kidding? "

" They love it. Don't see them much, though. They usually make it up this way in the summer."

" Siblings? "

" No, there was just me."

Nicole took another bite of lasagna, then asked the one question that had been bothering her the most. " Tell me about your dream."

Jake looked up, startled. " My dream? "

Nicole leaned her elbows on the table, resting her chin in her palms. " Up in the mountains, that night or early in the morning, I guess, you had this dream. You were talking about shooting someone, killing someone." Nicole smiled. " It freaked me out. And I'd convinced myself that you were a hired killer or something. A cop never once crossed my mind."

Jake laughed. " So that's why you cut out in such a hurry? "

Nicole felt a slight blush creep up her face and nodded. " But now... now that I know you, the dream means something else entirely. And it troubles you, " she said quietly.

Jake swallowed. " And professionally, you want to hear about it? "

Nicole met her eyes. " Professionally--and personally."

Jake was about to refuse, but the look in Nicole's eyes was purely sincere and nothing but caring. Jake decided it might actually do her good to say the words out loud, instead of the lie she'd told the police psychologist. So, she filled her wineglass again and closed her eyes, and remembered.

" Rick and I, we were at this apartment complex, looking for an informant. He wasn't home, so we were checking with neighbors, you know. I think we were on the third floor when we heard shots." Jake shrugged. " Could have been anything, but we decided to check them out. By the time we ran down three flights of stairs, we heard sirens and figured something had been called in. Then we heard shots again, behind the building, in the alley. We ran." She looked up and met Nicole's eyes. " This guy had a little kid around the neck and had a gun pressed against his head. Another guy was running away so Rick chased after him, leaving me with this guy and this kid. I held my weapon at him, told him to release the boy, but he just laughed at me." Jake shrugged again. " A unit pulled up. One officer went after Rick, the other one, Perkins, he came with me, pulling his weapon, too."

Nicole reached across the table and took Jake's hand. " What happened? "

" We didn't have a clue as to what went down, we only knew this guy had a gun to this kid's head. He was pulling him down the alley and we followed, telling him to drop his weapon, to let the kid go. But he wouldn't. And Perkins was telling me to take a shot, but I couldn't. The boy was right there, he was too exposed. I remember thinking, if he would only do something, bite the guy's hand, kick him... anything... anything to cause a distraction, then I'd nail the guy. But this kid, he can't be more than eight, and he's scared to death."

Jake's hand trembled as she picked up her wineglass and took a sip. She took a deep breath, forcing herself to continue. " The guy came to a fence. He had his back against it. We had him. I told him to let the boy go, that there was no way out. And he started laughing at me. The next thing I know, shots are going off everywhere. I see the boy fall, I see Perkins fall... I'm firing my weapon, and I feel this fire in my leg, and I go down. And he's still standing. I shoot again and finally, he goes down, too." Jake squeezed the fingers that were still entwined with her own. " I thought that was it. I was bleeding, I couldn't stop it. That's all I remember."

" What happened? "

" Rick came back, found me. Put a tourniquet around my leg. I made it. Perkins and the boy, they were both dead. I spent two weeks in the hospital and then another week in bed. The fourth week, I was doing therapy. And the fifth week, I went to my cabin."

" Which is when we met? "

" Yes."

" And you still have dreams about it? "

Jake nodded. " Not so much anymore. It was pretty much nightly there for awhile."

Nicole raised an eyebrow. " How did you get cleared? "

" You think I've told this story before? "

" No. You told them you were fine, that you had no adverse effects, and that you were good to go back on duty."

" Just because I had a recurring dream didn't mean I wasn't ready to go back, " Jake said.

" You were having a dream, Jake, because you hadn't gotten it out, you hadn't talked it out with anyone. There's a clinical reason they make you see a doctor, you know. It's not just for kicks."

" Well, if I'd known you then, I'd have gladly bared my soul to you, " Jake said quietly.

With their fingers still entwined, Nicole pulled Jake's hand closer. " And I'd have given anything to be there for you."

Jake tucked her head and sighed. " Well, there you go, " she said.

" I know you've heard this before, but..."

" I shouldn't blame myself? "

" Well, I think that's futile to tell you not to blame yourself. It's human nature to blame yourself, Jake. It's your profession. But you have to reconcile that you did what you could do. If you'd taken other action, like trying to take the guy out, you might have hit the boy. And I don't think you could have survived that, " Nicole said quietly.

Jake nodded. " At first, I thought maybe it was me who took him down. There was so much shooting, " she whispered. " A day after my surgery, Rick told me that it wasn't my bullet." Jake tried to smile but failed. " It didn't really matter at that point."

Nicole had tons of clinical statements she could make, but the look in Jake's eyes told her that none were needed. So, instead, she squeezed Jake's hand tightly and offered what comfort she could. She was finally rewarded with a genuine smile from Jake.

" Thanks for listening."

" Anytime, " Nicole whispered.

Jake pulled her hand away from Nicole and stood, taking their plates to the sink. " If you want to shower, go ahead. I'll clean up dinner."

" Are you sure? You can go first."

" No, it's fine. Go ahead."

Jake watched Nicole walk away, wondering why she'd been compelled to talk about that day. Three months had passed, going on four, but still, the memory was vivid. But she had to admit, her feelings weren't quite as raw as they had been. She couldn't help but smile. It was a cliché, but damn, it was true. Time heals. Her emotional wound wasn't quite healed, but it was getting there. The guilt she'd shouldered at first had dissipated somewhat, but it wasn't gone entirely. She wondered if it'd ever disappear completely.

Cheyenne finally grew impatient as she leaned heavily against Jake's leg. Jake reached down and ruffled her head, knowing that Cheyenne thought it was time for her nightly snack.

" Ready for your bone? "

Cheyenne danced excitedly and followed Jake to the pantry where she kept the bucket of dog treats.