CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE. It was with a satisfied push of the button that Jill closed the gate behind her

It was with a satisfied push of the button that Jill closed the gate behind her. Closed the gate and closed out the world, if only for a day. But a whole day at that.

She parked beside Carrie's van, unable to contain the quiet laugh as she stepped out into the sunshine, nearly giddy with the prospect of spending the day with Carrie. Angie had been barely out the door when Jill grabbed the bag she'd packed the night before. A bag stuffed with a change of clothes, two bottles of wine, her gardening gloves and a denim baseball cap Craig rarely wore. For the last several weeks, Carrie had been adding flowers to the gardens but this was the first opportunity Jill would have to play in the dirt with her.

" When you said early, you weren't lying."

Jill turned, finding Carrie walking up from the pier, hands already muddy from the garden.

" You started without me, " Jill accused.

" No, no. Planting is your chore today. I just brought the flowers down there then yanked a few weeds."

Jill laughed. " You can always be in charge of the weeds."

Carrie pointed down the winding road. " The gate? "

Jill nodded. " Closed and locked."

" Wonderful. Then the day is ours." Carrie led the way into the cottage, pausing to brush the dirt off her hands before going inside. " I took a chance you wouldn't want breakfast, " she said. " But I made up some homemade chicken salad and picked up fresh sandwich rolls at the bakery." She stopped and smiled. " Oh, and I got some of that cheese you like. Did you remember the wine? "

Jill held up her bag. " Two bottles."

Carrie laughed. " Two? Are we going to make a day of it? "

Jill walked closer and leaned forward, lightly kissing Carrie on the lips. " We're going to make a good day of it."

" Yeah, we are. And after you've had your fun playing in the dirt, we're going to go fishing."

" Fishing? Like in a canoe? "

" I was thinking more off the pier. After we've had a bottle of wine, I'm not sure we should attempt a canoe lesson."

Jill put the two wine bottles on the bar then tossed her bag on the loveseat after pulling out her gardening gloves.

" Can I go down? " she asked, her eyes bright.

Carrie smiled. " I'll be right behind you. I've made some iced tea. I'll bring out a couple of glasses."

Jill stepped out into the sunshine and looked skyward, closing her eyes for a moment of quiet reflection, conscious of the peacefulness she felt being here. It was indeed as if they'd locked the world away.

" My mother used to call that woolgathering, " Carrie said quietly from behind her.

Jill turned, finding Carrie's eyes. " Just thinking how nice it feels to be here."

Carrie nodded, her head tilted slightly. Then she raised an eyebrow. " Everything okay? "

" Oh, sure, " Jill said quickly as she averted her eyes. Then she looked back at Carrie, finding the same gentle look in her face as always. " Just... a lot of questions at home, " she finally said.

" I see. Well, let's go down to the pier. We'll talk, " she said as she walked down the path.

Jill took one of the glasses of tea and waved her gloves in the air again. " I have flowers calling my name, " she reminded her.

" Then we'll talk as we plant."

And they did, talking about everything under the sun before Carrie finally broached the subject of Jill's home life.

" It's one thing for Craig to want to discuss our marriage, quite another when my daughter does, " Jill said. She took her gloves off and wiped her forehead before sitting down cross-legged on the ground. She absently brushed at the dirt clinging to her knees. " Arlene suggested to Craig that we need to see a marriage counselor." Jill leaned forward. " Craig tells her everything. I think it's just creepy for a son to discuss his sex life with his mother."

Carrie nodded but said nothing.

" We—me and Craig—had a talk, " Jill said quietly. " He's... well, he thinks I'm having an affair."

Carrie tilted her head. " Aren't you? "

Jill slowly shook her head. " No. This doesn't feel like an affair to me."

Carrie let out her breath, a slight smile on her face. " Thank you, " she whispered.

" But I don't know what to do, " Jill said. " I can't... the thought of him touching me is nearly repulsive."

" I didn't want to know if you were sleeping with him, " Carrie admitted. " I couldn't stand the thought, actually."

Jill looked away. " You've never really said... I mean, about James, " Jill said.

Carrie shook her head. " I've not had sex with him, no. In fact, I doubt he's even noticed."

" What do you mean? "

Carrie stood, brushing the dirt from her jeans before answering. " James is a classic workaholic. He has very little down time. He sleeps only four to five hours a night." She shrugged. " It hasn't been an issue."

When Jill would have spoken, Carrie held up her hand. " I'm ready to trade this tea in for wine. What do you say? "

" Excellent."

" Good. Then let's have an early lunch." Carrie pointed at the weathered picnic table. " You want to eat out here or in the cottage? "

Jill laughed. " I want to be outside as much as you do."

After they washed up, they hauled their lunch down to the pier in a huge picnic basket, wineglasses and all. Carrie tossed a blue cloth across the picnic table and Jill opened the wine.

For the next hour, they sat in the sun trading stories, leisurely munching on chicken salad sandwiches, cheese and fruit and fighting over the last of the wine.

" Do you realize how thoroughly I enjoy your company? " Carrie said as she set the empty wine bottle aside.

Jill reached across the table and squeezed her hand. " Yes, " she said without question.

Carrie laughed.

" I didn't mean that to sound quite so conceited, " Jill said. " I feel absolutely the same way." She twisted her napkin between her fingers, finally looking up, meeting Carrie's eyes. " You know, we can talk about anything, everything. We do talk about everything?, she said. " Except us. We never talk about us."

Carrie held her eyes for a moment then looked away. " That's because I'm afraid of the answers."

" What do you mean? "

" We want more time together but there is no more time. We both have husbands, kids."

Jill cleared her throat, again twisting her napkin nervously. " How long can we do this? " She looked up into the clear sky above. " How long can I go on pretending to have a marriage when I just want to be with you? "

" Don't you think I feel the same? But you have a fourteen-year-old daughter whose relationship with you is tenuous at best. Are you willing to lose her? " Carrie took her hand, rubbing lightly against the palm. " My boys... it's different, " she said. " They're older, for one thing. And Josh, well, Josh is my son. And Aaron worships the ground his father walks on. I'm sure their loyalties would lie there as well. And James, well, James has been too busy to notice anything out of the ordinary. He would be completely blown away, yes. But it's not me I'm worried about. It's you, Jill."

" I know. Angie would never forgive me, would never understand. Craig would be devastated." She squeezed Carrie's hand. " But I'm not sure how much weight all of that holds. I'm miserable at home. And they both know it, they just don't know why."

Carrie leaned her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her hands, staring at Jill. " At night when I'm in bed, you have no idea how much I long for it to be you beside me. I long to sleep with you, to wake up with you." She leaned back again and idly twirled her empty wineglass. " But we're not afforded that luxury."

Jill stared at the woman who had become so important to her, wondering what thoughts were racing through her mind. Dare she bring up the one word that had not been uttered? After knowing each other barely five months, dare she mention divorce? Was she ready to sever her ties with Craig? Was she ready to cause a rift with Angie? But perhaps she was premature. Had divorce even crossed Carrie's mind? Jill stared, waiting for the pale blue eyes to look up, waiting for them to look into her very soul.

And they did. And as always—when those eyes held her—she was convinced she'd stared into them many lifetimes ago.

Carrie finally smiled, releasing her. " I think I threatened you with fishing, didn't I? "

Jill relaxed, sensing Carrie had tired of their talk. So she let it go with a wave of her hand. " And threatened is the appropriate word, " Jill agreed.

" By the middle of summer, I'll have you begging to go fishing. And in the canoe, no less." Carrie stood and motioned to the table. " If you'll pack all this back into the basket, I'll go get the fishing poles and worms."

Jill's eyes widened. " Worms? "

Carrie just grinned as she walked back toward the garage. Jill cleaned up from their lunch, her mind still locked on a dirty, wiggly worm.

" Surely she doesn't expect me to touch them, " she muttered.

" It's just a worm, " Carrie said patiently.

Jill shook her head. " Not doing it."

" Why not? "

" Well, gross and disgusting come to mind."

" I suppose if you catch a fish you'll want me to take it off of the hook for you too? "

" Trust me, I will not catch a fish."

" Don't be so sure. I always catch fish here off the pier, " Carrie said and Jill watched in revulsion as she weaved the nasty worm around the hook.

" That has got to be one of the grossest things I've seen in awhile, " Jill murmured.

" You never went fishing as a kid? "

Jill shook her head. " City girl."

" Ah. Well, my grandfather loved it. Whenever I'd go stay with them, he'd take me out fishing. I was the only grandkid for the longest time so it was just me and him."

" Your boys? "

Carrie shook her head. " No. They never seemed to care for it. And part of that is James. When they were little, he never took the time to do things like that with them." She handed Jill the pole. " Now, just gently toss the line out."

" And if the yellow thing goes under, that's good, right? "

Carrie laughed. " Bobber. And yeah, that's good. Unless, of course, you're the fish, " she added.

Jill sat quietly, patiently watching the bobber as it floated harmlessly on the water, part of her wishing the damn thing would go under so she could say she caught a fish. Of course the sane part of her prayed for no such thing. But a few minutes later when Carrie's bobber plunged under water, Jill stared excitedly as Carrie gripped the pole with both hands and lifted it up. Out of the water came what Jill assumed was a nice-sized fish, but before Carrie could get a net under it, the fish flipped in the air and dove back into the water.

" Oh, no, " she said. " He was right there."

" Yeah. He was a good one too, " Carrie said. Then she pointed at Jill's own line. " Look. See how it's moving? You probably have a perch or something nibbling at the worm."

Jill tensed, her grip tightening on the pole. " What does that mean? " But before Carrie could answer, her yellow bobber disappeared. " Oh my God! "

" Pull it up, pull it up, " Carrie said as she stood beside her. " Easy."

But Jill jerked the line, sending her sprawling backward as the fish was flung over their heads and behind them. Carrie grabbed the line, holding the fish off the ground, a huge grin on her face.

" See? I told you you'd catch something."

Jill stared at the tiny fish then looked at Carrie. " Now what? "

Carrie moved the fish closer. " Now you take it off the hook."

Jill's eyes widened and she shook her head. " No way."

" But that's part of fishing, my dear. You catch something, you take it off the hook."

" Okay, not that I have anything against fish—I prefer them grilled—but I'm not touching that slimy little thing."

" And so you want me to? "

" Uh-huh, " Jill nodded.

" You want to at least watch? "

" Nope."

But she did, staring as Carrie wrapped a hand around the fish to hold him still, then with the other hand, pulled and twisted the hook, trying to dislodge it.

" You're hurting him, aren't you? "

" I'll tell you what every fisherman would tell you. They don't feel a thing." Then she grinned. " I'm sure it hurts less than if you grilled him."

Finally the fish was free and Carrie dropped the line, walking slowly to the edge of the pier, kneeling down and gently placing the fish back in the water. Jill watched in fascination as the tiny fish flipped his tail and swam away.

" Oh, that was so sweet, " she said seriously. " You didn't hurt him. That's why I love you—" she stopped, her eyes wide. She slowly shook her head. " I'm sorry. I didn't mean that like... well, I didn't mean—"

Carrie walked closer, her eyes pinning Jill.

" You love me? " she whispered.

Jill swallowed nervously, her mind racing. " I—I—"

Carrie tilted her head but said nothing, waiting.

Jill shrugged. " Is that what this is, Carrie? " Jill asked quietly. " Is this love? "

" We both know, don't we? " Carrie took her hands, holding them tight. " We're... we're connected somehow. It's beyond friendship, beyond this physical attraction we have. And Jill, it's so, so different than what we both have now. Isn't it? " She bent closer, lightly brushing Jill's lips with her own. " I can't explain it any more than you can." She took Jill's hand and placed it over her heart. " But I know it. I feel it."

" Yes." Jill closed her eyes briefly. " Yes, I feel it."

" Is it love? "

Jill nodded, her smile soft, sure. " Yes. Yes it is."

And she didn't hesitate the slightest bit when Carrie pulled on her hand, leading her up the walk and to the cottage. They both tugged at clothing, dropping it where they may. But it wasn't the bedroom Carrie pulled her into. It was the bathroom, with its bright red walls and huge walk-in shower.

" Gardening and fish, " Carrie reminded her as she turned the water on full blast.

" Wouldn't have cared, " Jill murmured as she pulled Carrie into the shower with her, wet skin sliding together as they embraced. Jill tasted the hint of wine on Carrie's tongue as she drew it into her mouth. Her hands wouldn't still as they moved across Carrie's skin, sliding along her spine to cup her buttocks and pull her flush against her. Carrie's hands, full of liquid soap, moved between them, lightly caressing Jill's breasts with soapy bubbles before moving lower. Jill's legs parted, an audible gasp left her when Carrie's fingers touched her. Their eyes held, fused together by a passion neither could explain. Jill's mouth opened as she struggled to draw breath, Carrie's fingers were relentless as they moved against her.

Jill's knees weakened and she braced herself, both arms spread out, holding herself upright against the shower walls as Carrie's mouth moved to her breast, her tongue hard against her nipple.

" I love when you do that, " Jill whispered.

Carrie raised her head, her pale blue eyes dark with desire, her short salt-and-pepper hair damp from the spray. Her hands stilled, pulling away before grasping Jill's hips and turning her around. Carrie came up behind her, pressing hard against her buttocks as her hands reached around Jill to pull her firmly against her.

Jill moaned, feeling Carrie's breasts pressed against her back. Carrie's hands moved lower, spreading Jill's thighs again, her fingers moving leisurely through her wetness, brushing against her clit, causing Jill to groan deep in her throat. Her hips moved, rocking slowly, feeling the brush of Carrie's fingers as she pitched against her.

" Please, " she whimpered.

Carrie bit down gently on her shoulder, her own hips rocking, moving in rhythm with Jill.

" Slowly, " Carrie whispered into her ear.

And they did, their bodies moving as one, Jill arching forward to feel the delicious brush of Carrie's fingers against her hot center then back, meeting Carrie's thrust as Carrie ground against her. Slowly, slowly, then—as their breathing grew ragged—their motions increased, their hips working together, moving in unison, faster and faster, harder and harder until Jill was rocking back, loving the feel of Carrie as she pounded against her, loving the thrill of their dance, the tease of Carrie's fingers, the hot desire that shot through her with each stroke.

" Oh, God, Carrie... don't stop, " Jill begged. " Don't stop, don't stop, " she panted as their hips moved ferociously against each other. With eyes squeezed shut... that moment, that tiny moment between exhilaration and ecstasy, that one moment where everything stops... that moment held Jill suspended in time, stealing the breath from her, stealing the light from her eyes. That tiny moment seemed to last an eternity before releasing her, her breath expelled from deep in her gut, her body nearly convulsing as her orgasm echoed through her, touching her very soul.

When she thought she had nothing left to give, Carrie grasped her hips hard, pulling her forcibly back against her as Carrie sought her own release. Jill's fingers spread wide against the shower wall, supporting herself as Carrie thrust against her one last time before crying out Jill's name, then slumping heavily against her back as tremors shook her body.

" Oh, good God, " Carrie murmured. " That was fantastic."

Jill slowly turned around to face Carrie, gathering her close again. They stood there, holding each other—recovering—long enough for the warm water to turn tepid. Only then did they move, pulling apart slowly, hands still touching, still stroking. Carrie reached around Jill to turn the water off then led Jill from the shower. They didn't bother with towels as they walked into the bedroom.

Carrie eased Jill to the bed and knelt before her, her hands moving slowly up her legs to her thighs, parting them. Jill watched, waiting, trembling the moment those hands spread her thighs.

" I love you, " Carrie whispered. She looked up quickly, meeting Jill's eyes, holding them. " I love you."

The words echoed in Jill's brain as her eyes slid closed, Carrie's hot breath making it hard to speak, to think. She gave up her attempt at both when Carrie's arms wrapped around her legs, gathering her close, pulling her to her mouth. Jill's hands opened, her fingers gripping the sheets, trying to hold on as Carrie's tongue entered her. She moaned loudly when that same tongue circled her throbbing clit, teasing her nearly into oblivion until her mouth closed over her, suckling her, driving her to the edge in a matter of seconds.

Her hips arched, bucking uncontrollably as Carrie held on, her mouth never leaving her. Jill's scream came from deep in her throat, bursting out as she climaxed, and her legs squeezed together, trapping Carrie's head between her thighs, holding her there until the quaking in her limbs subsided.

She finally relaxed, lying limp on the bed. Her eyes flickered open, meeting Carrie's as she still lay between her legs. She attempted a weak smile but gave up.

" I think you've killed me, " she murmured as her eyes slid closed again. She heard Carrie chuckle, felt her move up the bed beside her but she still couldn't move.

" Come here, " Carrie whispered as she pulled the covers back. " We'll nap for a bit."

" I should say no, " Jill protested, but she crawled under the covers nonetheless. " I don't want to waste our time sleeping."

" Just for a little while, " Carrie said, and she gathered her close, their naked bodies meeting under the covers, legs entwining.

" I love being with you, " Jill whispered against Carrie's neck, her mouth moving sensually against her skin, her tongue coming out to tease before moving lower.

" I thought you were exhausted."

" Mmmm. Very, " she said as her mouth continued its assault on Carrie's skin. When she brushed against Carrie's breast she heard her sharp intake of breath and her mouth closed around her nipple, her tongue twirling over the taut peak. She felt Carrie's hands move across her back, felt a hand snake into her hair and hold her tight against her breast. She looked up, finding Carrie watching her at her breast. Her heart swelled at the look in Carrie's eyes—desire, love.

She lifted her head slightly, inches away from Carrie's breast. The rise and fall of Carrie's chest brought her nipple close, then away. Jill's tongue came out, lightly touching, barely caressing the peak. She heard Carrie moan, felt Carrie's fingers dig into her back. She looked up again, Carrie's mouth was parted, her eyes dark, scarcely opened.

" I'm in love with you, Carrie, " Jill whispered.

Carrie's eyes flickered open, a soft smile touching her mouth. Her hand moved through Jill's hair, touching her face, caressing her lips.

" Make love to me, " Carrie murmured. " Will you make love to me? "

" Always, " she whispered before again capturing Carrie's nipple in her mouth.