The man who would have to go to the camps

He never did anything for the Afghan.

It is much nicer to work for the Citizens’ Action League, as I subsequently did, than to set out to Help Afghanistan, for all that I had to do in the former case was to get a stoplight built at a dangerous intersection (which also never happened) or fill up ten pages of petitions a day with signatures; but what the Young Man wanted to do is less susceptible to being broken into necessary procedures which can be checked off (and it is certainly an American need to check things off).^a I suppose that he would have satisfied that urge had he been a happy part of some worthwhile organization which could require him to inspect so many camps, scrounge so many rounds of ammunition per time period. The only trouble is that committing oneself to any organization requires faith without knowledge, for as long as you are snooping around trying to learn which group, which side is the right one (before going to Afghanistan, as I said, he was willing to entertain the idea that the Soviet Union might be doing something progressive in Afghanistan), all organizations will be like closed clams. And why not?

They are as vulnerable as you. — The International Rescue Committee would not hire the Young Man or let him work as a volunteer because it was not his intention to go into relief work for its own sake, but to “help the Afghans” (and, not yet having seen Afghans or relief work, he could not be certain to what extent the two were compatible. If you think this prissy, think again). Understandably, the I.R.C. was not thrilled by his attitude — which perhaps they sensed from his ré sumé, for they canceled the interview — but then of course there were not any positions open even for unpaid work: Pakistan had strict limits on employed foreigners. He was able to visit the camps, in fact, only because Aid for Afghan Refugees (A.F.A.R.), a fine fund-raising organization in San Francisco, sent word that the Young Man belonged to their group. This was generous of them, it not being strictly true, since the Young Man had come to several A.F.A.R. meetings but neither he nor A.F.A.R. had ever suggested that he become a member. It is my guess that A.F.A.R., like I.R.C., felt slightly uneasy about him. A.F.A.R., like Joan Baez’s Humanitas International or Dr. Joseph Pace’s Direct Relief in San Jose, could not officially support violence or other forms of politics; and the Young Man was considering going into Afghanistan with the Mujahideen, whom it was important for A.F.A.R. to dissociate itself from. The members of A.F.A.R. — mainly Peace Corps volunteers who had served in Afghanistan — could not quite fathom the Young Man’s connection with their issue. Nor were they all that interested. The Young Man was callow, babyfaced, unproven. A.F.A.R.’S president felt sorry for him, though, and very kindly made the telephone call to I.R.C. That made all the difference. So in the end A.F.A.R. committed itself to him through a kind of faith without knowledge. — Or rather, A.F.A.R.’S president did. No one helped the Young Man out for any reason connected with what he thought and hoped he was: he was a megalomaniac. Even the Afghanistan National Liberation Front took him into the war zone as their guest only because they respected the General and he asked them to (and because he paid them). Only the desperate Afghans that he met in the streets had any illusions that the Young Man could accomplish anything. After all, what could he have done? — A book, maybe, or a slide show, or a radio show, or sale of his photographs on the street, or mailing campaigns to libraries and churches, or fund-raising booths? — Later, he tried every single one of these.^b

And, anyhow, when you’re walking among the largest refugee caseload in the world, and here they all are begging you to help them with tears in their eyes, what can you do? First you meet one of them in Peshawar (come to think of it, why not begin counting with the Pakistani beggars in Karachi, or the whores in San Francisco? — the General was always saying that do-gooders must put their own houses in order first), and then you meet a family of them, and then several thousand in a camp (thank God he didn’t have the money to go to the Northern Territory, where supposedly it was even worse, with homeless people as far as the eye could see along the margins of muddy mountain roads, selling their possessions at bargain prices to rug and curio importers — but he had only heard about it; I’m sure it wasn’t quite that bad); so you give something to the first person who touches you, and maybe the second if you have more to spare, and then your quota is expended (whenever I hear of a church’s sponsoring some starving child in an African village, I, being basically a cheerless fellow, think about the ten others beneath that same roof); and you say to the third person, “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you, ” and he and his three sisters cannot understand why you, who have so much, cannot help them, unless somehow they offended you or did not treat you with sufficient hospitality or else maybe the fact that the sisters put on their best dresses to ask you was unredeeming because the dresses had become shabby, so that they were not worthy of you; but surely once you explain to them what they did wrong they can make amends so that their souls can this time purely beseech your soul and then you, being a god, will grant what is after all a pro forma gesture on your part? — and you (if you are decent) are cut inside with guilt and pain, so maybe you forget your quota and give them what they need, for it does mean so little to you compared to what it means for them, ^c and they all embrace you and go away happy, but now here is case number four, whom you really are going to have to turn away, because the consulate has told you that one can sponsor only so many refugees; and he has in his eyes that same astonished look: “ You are going to let me fall! ”—which is not reproach because you are not reproachable, so how can he reproach you without reproaching the entire world? (and he couldn’t possibly be doing that). The Afghans were among the lucky, for their case was one of mere invasion, not genocide, and, as you had already learned, in helping people one has to draw the line somewhere. Of course helping them would be delicious, the line drawn considerately to avoid them, since their distress had been brought about by our international enemy; this was why working with them made more sense to an American of utilitarian bent than aiding Soviet war widows: other Americans would surely back you. — Cases number five and six, however, come at you simultaneously with ruthless aggression; if you gave something to five you’d have to give to six, too, so to hell with them. (The population of Peshawar had doubled since the refugees came.) Here’s case number fifty speaking: “But United States is a very good country for me; it’s a very big country; if I found someone to send me a visa …” —This fellow bears an interesting resemblance to case two, but differs from case seventeen in ways x, y and z; and now, safe on the High Ledge of Generalizations, the Young Man has become me, who is quite satisfied to raise enough money here in Oakland to maybe send the Mujahideen one machine gun, ^d and then let’s call it quits and go on to some other project.

“A VERY GOOD COUNTRY FOR ME, ” or, HAPPINESS [3]