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Chapter twenty. Sloan emerged from her bedroom barefoot, her hair wet from the shower, in a clean shirt and jeans






SLOAN EMERGED FROM her bedroom barefoot, her hair wet from the shower, in a clean shirt and jeans. Michael was just opening the pizza, which she had placed on the table in the seating area. She looked up with a smile.

" You're just in time."

" God, that smells great, " Sloan exclaimed, flopping down gratefully on one end of a large leather sectional facing the windows. " I didn't realize before how hungry I was."

Michael handed her a plate, sat beside her, and they both attacked the food with enthusiasm. Michael had poured a glass of wine for each of them, and neither of them spoke until the box was nearly empty.

" That was terrific, " Sloan said eventually as she leaned back contentedly.

" I know I promised you dinner, and I didn't have pizza in mind, " Michael said with a laugh. " But I'm hardly dressed for anything elegant tonight, " she finished, indicating her borrowed clothing.

" I think you look incredible, " Sloan said appreciatively. Though Sarah's jeans and blouse were slightly big on Michael's taller more slender form, she nevertheless looked casually lovely. " Besides, the company more than makes up for the decor."

Michael blushed and looked away. After a moment she said softly, " Are you always this charming with every woman? "

Sloan stared at her in astonishment. " Oh, Michael! Don't you know that you are very beautiful and so incredibly sexy that it's heart stopping? "

Michael looked at her steadily, then said, " Then what is it? Is there something here I'm missing? Something I'm supposed to do or say? "

" It's not you, " Sloan said vehemently.

Michael's disbelief and lingering hurt shadowed her blue eyes, but she said nothing.

" I'm sorry, " Sloan said bitterly. " It's never been because of you."

She got up abruptly and went to the windows, her back to the room and Michael. Though she gazed out, she was not seeing the waterfront, or the lights flickering like stars fallen to earth; she was remembering the sounds and sights of the nation's capital. It seemed like only yesterday, the pain was still so fresh. Finally she turned, leaning against the window casement, and began to speak.

" When my tour in Thailand was over, I came back to Washington and was assigned to the Justice Department. I had a lot more experience than most of the other people working in computer crimes at that time. They moved me up fairly quickly even though I was young, and pretty soon I was heading a new unit that was similar to an Internal Affairs Division in a police department. I was testing our own internal security measures, looking for leaks. I answered directly to a member of the Justice Department - a special prosecutor assigned to deal with computer crimes. That included prosecuting members of government agencies as well. It was publicly very low profile, because obviously evidence of security leaks within the government does not produce confidence in the administration. By the same token, any government employee found to be responsible for, or even remotely connected to, breaches in security was dealt with swiftly. Since it was a fairly new area of investigation and prosecution, there tended to be a lot of overreaction when it came to dealing with individuals suspected of a crime. The prosecutors often brought charges first and got the details later."

Sloan returned to the sitting area and poured herself more wine. With effort, she controlled her agitation enough to sit down on a portion of the sectional adjoining Michael's. For a moment, she stared into the wine, aimlessly turning the glass between her long fingers. God, she hadn't thought about it, not consciously, in so long! But it was still so raw her mind reeled from the memories.

" And then I fell in love with the Special Prosecutor, " she continued, her voice harsh with anger. " She was twelve years older than me, and a career government attorney. I think she had already set her sights on the Attorney General's position. She was very paranoid about anyone discovering our relationship, although I'm not convinced it would have made a difference. Nevertheless, I was young enough, and naive enough, to accept her disavowal of me whenever it suited her. I believed her when she said she loved me. "

She drained her glass, and set it carefully on the glass-topped coffee table next to the pizza box. She searched Michael's face for a reaction. What she found was the compassionate warmth that always welcomed her and reached some deep place in her that longed to be comforted.

" I wasn't completely inexperienced. I'd had affairs, but nothing really serious, and I was still foolish enough to believe in the power of love. I would have done anything she wanted. She actually pretended in public to have a long-standing relationship with a male attorney and she attended official functions with him now and then. She said she never slept with him, but I guess I'll never know. At the time, I trusted her."

She smiled bitterly, casting Michael an apologetic glance. " I'm sorry. This sounds like every other relationship-gone-bad story I've ever heard. I didn't mean to subject you to this."

" No, " Michael said quickly and firmly. " I want to know. Please."

Sloan nodded and steeled herself for the rest of it. " We'd been together almost two years, and for the last six months of that I had been spearheading an investigation of a division of the National Security Agency attached to the Joint Chiefs. There was a lot of highly sensitive information lying around, so to speak, as well as a 'locked room' with classified military armament codes, all stored on a number of hard drives. My people didn't actually have access to those areas, but we were trying to determine precisely who did. To make a long story short, an independent internal audit came up two hard drives short, and when the information leaked to the press, someone needed to take the fall. My lover knew that I had no direct or even indirect responsibility for that particular area, but my name was the most identifiable. She cut a deal with someone, probably a senator on one of the powerful subcommittees who promised to advance her career in exchange for avoiding public embarrassment of the NSA, and she offered them me as part of the bargain."

Sloan shrugged. " End of story. I trusted her; she wanted a career perk more."

Michael studied her thoughtfully. She could hear the pain and betrayal in Sloan's voice, and her heart ached for her. But there was something else she saw in her eyes, something that went far beyond the pain of an imperfect love. There was something bitter and hard in their depths.

" Tell me the rest, " Michael said gently.

Sloan jerked in surprise, staring at her. After a moment's deliberation, she continued. " They came to my office at Justice in the middle of the day and took me away in handcuffs. News of the impending arrest had been leaked to the press. They were waiting when the police brought me out of the building. Cameras, news teams, people surrounding me, shouting at me. I had no idea what was happening." She grimaced briefly at the memory. " She let them do that to me, when an internal review board should have handled it before charges were even delineated. It was Friday afternoon, and I couldn't get an arraignment until Monday morning. I spent the weekend in a city lock up. I was the next best thing to having a cop in jail. It was a very unpleasant weekend."

Michael struggled not to let her horror show. She swallowed painfully, nearly choking on her anguish. " Did they hurt you? "

" No, " Sloan said quickly. " Not that way. Oh, they pushed me around a little bit, but nothing serious. It was more the humiliation of being strip searched and treated like an animal. You lose your sense of humanity pretty quickly in there. The justice system is not kind to the accused."

" I'm so sorry, " Michael whispered.

Sloan saw no reason to tell her of the deep sense of loss and self-doubt she had suffered when she realized the woman she loved, who she trusted with all her soul, had abandoned her in such a heartless way. Worse perhaps, she had lost faith in her own judgment along with her dignity during those seventy-two interminable hours. She had been partly responsible for what had happened every time she let her lover deny her in public and lie to her in private. She was ashamed, and now, she didn't even trust herself.

" By Monday morning my attorney had talked to the Justice Department, and it was clear that there was no evidence to indict me. They apologized, expunged the record, and offered me a transfer. I didn't resign until a few weeks later, just after I heard what had happened to Jason with the sexual harassment suit. We both left, and six months later we started the business here."

" And there's been no one serious since her? "

Sloan shook her head. " No." She couldn't imagine being that vulnerable to anyone again. With love came too much potential for pain, and she could not pay that price again.

Michael was silent, wondering if Sloan loved this woman still. That would explain her affairs, and her unwillingness to make a commitment. She did not ask. She was afraid of how she would feel if Sloan admitted it were true.

Sloan finally broke the silence. " Would you like me to take you back to your hotel? "

" No, " Michael said very quietly. " I would like you to take me into the bedroom."

" Michael, " Sloan began, " I don't thi…."

" Wait, Sloan, " Michael interrupted. " I don't need you to explain or make promises or reassure me. I know what I'm saying. I've been going out of my mind today. I just need to feel you. Tonight, right now. Tomorrow is another lifetime away. Please."

As she spoke, Michael moved the few feet to stand in front of Sloan. Sloan rose, putting her hands on Michael's waist. She held Michael tenderly, aware of the fine trembling in Michael's slender body as she rested her head against Sloan's shoulder with a soft sigh. Sloan pressed her face gently to Michael's hair, breathing in that faint spring scent she remembered from the night in Michael's hotel.

" God, I want you, " Sloan whispered hoarsely. " I want you."

Michael turned her cheek, pressing her lips to Sloan's neck. " Yes."

 






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