Chapter nineteen. When Michael returned to her office shortly after five o'clock, she discovered Sloan stretched out on her back on the sofa

WHEN MICHAEL RETURNED to her office shortly after five o'clock, she discovered Sloan stretched out on her back on the sofa, eyes closed, a leg dangling part way over the edge, one hand resting on her thigh and the other open palm-up by her side. Michael knew she should simply turn away and let her rest, but she found she could not avert her gaze. It seemed as if every facet of Sloan's face and body were miraculous discoveries, precious details to savor again and again. She had never noticed before how sensuous the slight rise of a woman's breast beneath a cotton tee shirt could appear, nor how alluring faded denim might look stretched over a long, lean thigh, nor how the flat planes of the abdomen and gentle slope of hip begged for a hand to brush along them. She stepped closer, one hand lifting as if to stroke the sleeping woman, her breath suspended in anticipation. That was when she realized that she needed to escape, because any second she was going to do something very embarrassing.

Before she could move, Sloan's eyes opened, caught hers, and held. Shimmering violet embers merged into swirling blue flames, bringing Sloan to a sitting position as Michael leaned down, a force beyond volition or even thought drawing them near. Before their lips could meet, somewhere in the deep reaches of Michael's consciousness, she heard Sloan's quick intake of breath, almost a moan. At the same time she remembered Sloan's words from only a week ago, We'll both regret this tomorrow.

" Sloan", Michael whispered, her voice so thick with need she did not recognize herself, " please tell me that it's all right to kiss you, please. I don't think I can stop."

Sloan blinked, appeared to come fully awake, and collapsed back into the cushions. " Fuck, Michael, I don't know."

They stared at one another, breathing hard, skin flushed, bodies shuddering with strain. The air between them hummed with tension.

Michael closed her eyes, hands clenched at her side. She couldn't look at her, not without touching her. She was stunned and a little frightened by what she had almost done. She knew she had never wanted anyone so much - so badly, in fact, that she scarcely knew what she was doing. This was not her, and yet she had never felt more alive. She sat down on the corner of the adjoining chair, letting her hands fall into her lap. " Well, it seems like we've been here before, " she said, her voice quivering. " This time, it was clearly I who was responsible. I'm sorry."

Maybe it was the forlorn regret in Michael's voice, or perhaps it was only because Sloan had wanted her since the first time she saw her, but Sloan's resistance finally crumbled. She moved swiftly, knelt before Michael, and kissed her. Firmly, surely, thoroughly. She kissed her the way she had wanted to kiss her for far too many days, the way she had dreamed of kissing her for countless nights, the way she had always known it should be. She thrilled to the soft brush of Michael's lips against hers, shivering when Michael's tongue searched gently for her own. She kept her hands securely pressed to the chair on either side of Michael, knowing that if she moved them to Michael's body, she would be lost. Already her heart was pounding and her head was light. There was a roaring in her ears that threatened to drown all reason. Every fiber of her being wanted to feel Michael's skin under her fingers, to delight in Michael's body yielding to her hands, to exult in Michael's cries rising to her touch.

Her fingers cramped from holding them tightly closed. She would not do that now, not here, not like this. A kiss was just a kiss and she just needed this one simple kiss, just this one kiss to assuage the fire of longing that had been consuming her whole. She ignored the demanding ache that tightened like a fist in her gut, so heavy she could barely breathe. When she could no longer bear the tender sweetness of Michael's mouth, nor contain the searing pressure that streamed down her thighs, spiraled into her spine, and hammered into her belly, she drew away.

" Well, " Michael breathed, her eyes hazy, " that was nice."

" Yeah, " Sloan grinned shakily. She too was having trouble focusing.

Neither of them moved, lest the spell be broken. Sloan leaned forward, still on her knees, her outstretched arms braced on either side of Michael’s body. Michael slowly brought her fingers to Sloan's wrist, and Sloan turned her hand until they touched. The light pressure of Michael's fingertips circling in her palm was enough to make Sloan's stomach clench. When Michael caressed her arm, then her neck and shoulder, finally bringing her palm against Sloan's chest, Sloan gritted her teeth to hold back a moan. She feared she might orgasm without even being touched.

Michael was oblivious to Sloan's plight. She was mesmerized by the feel of Sloan's muscles under her hand, and the soft promise of breast just beyond. Her thumb brushed unintentionally against Sloan's painfully taut nipple.

Sloan groaned. A pulse beat between her legs -- once, twice. She was losing it.

" Michael, " she exclaimed, " Stop! "

Michael froze. Oh god, not again.

Had she been more certain of the signs, and less hurt by the recent rejection, Michael would have done what her instincts were crying out for her to do. She would have taken Sloan's face in both hands and kissed her with all the abandon of fifteen lonely years; she would have driven a possessive hand down that long flat abdomen with all the ferocity of a hunter claiming its prey; and she would have answered the simmering want between Sloan's thighs until she satisfied both their hungers. Even as she forced herself to be still, she could see the liquid need in Sloan's eyes. She could almost taste her desire.

" My god, what is it? " Michael cried. " Sloan! Tell me! "

" Please, " Sloan whispered urgently, " I can't take it. You're killing me. Just -- give me a second." When she could control her unsteady legs, she forced herself to stand, took a step away, jammed her hands into her pockets to hide their trembling. " Sorry. I – sorry."

" Are you always this hard to seduce? " Michael said softly. Her own hands were shaking.

" My god, Michael, you could seduce me with a smile! In fact, you did seduce me with a smile, that very first day in the office. I've done nothing except think about you since then! "

" Then what? " Michael persisted, confused and hurt.

Michael's pain was palpable, and Sloan hated knowing that she was to blame. She spoke without thinking. " Christ, I practically came just from you kissing me! "

Secretly pleased, Michael nevertheless responded just as heatedly. " Is that supposed to make me feel better? "

" Yes! No -- oh, hell, I don't know! " Sloan grimaced in frustration, sweeping her arm in a circle to indicate the rest of the room, " I'm supposed to be working here, not bedding you! "

Michael ignored the edge of anger in Sloan's voice. Whatever the cause, she knew that she wasn't the target. " But that's not it, is it? "

Sloan was silent. She needed to clear her head, make some sense of what was happening. She needed to tell her. Jesus, tell her what? That I'm scared to death?

" Just give me a few more hours to get on top of this, and then we'll take a walk, talk, " Sloan finally said. Something, anything, as long you don't touch me again right now.

" Deal, " Michael nodded wearily, still reeling from the staggering realization of how much she wanted her. She had never dreamed it possible. She longed to say, as long as you don't go away, but she didn't dare. She didn't have the right. She would simply have to trust Sloan to come back to her.

" I'm going to find Jason and see how he's doing with the data retrieval. I might be awhile, " Sloan said hesitantly. She didn't want to leave her.

" I understand, " Michael said reasonably, though she was loathe to let her out of her sight.

When Sloan returned just a few moments later, Michael looked up from her desk in surprise. " Did you find him? "

" No, " Sloan said with an odd expression. " Not exactly."

Sloan was still trying to dispel the image of Sarah and Jason entwined on the sofa in the lounge, very unaware of her presence. She was well beyond the point in her life when any form of sexuality could disturb her, but there had been no doubt that Sarah's hand was on Jason's fly, and that at any moment her hand would be inside his pants. While Sloan applauded their spontaneity, she had no desire to witness this degree of intimacy between her friends. She had hastily retreated.

" He was - ah - involved."

Michael gaped at her in astonishment, taking her meaning from her tone. " My god, what is it tonight? Something in the office air? "

" Apparently, " Sloan said ruefully. " Carpe diem, " she said to herself. She glanced at the computer. Yeah, right.

Close to ten o'clock, Sloan announced, " I think that might have it." She leaned back in her chair, stretching her cramped shoulders and back. " With any luck, you should be able to start work again tomorrow morning. There are still a few things Jason will probably need to finish."

" At this point, " Michael said from across the room, " I don't care if the whole goddamned system goes up in smoke. You need to take a break. Now."

Sloan nodded her agreement. She was tired, but exhilarated as well.

" Let me take you to dinner, " Michael said, sensing an opening. She had respected Sloan's wishes to let her work, but she hadn't forgotten what had happened earlier. Her body still throbbed. " You've earned it."

" I need to take a shower and change clothes, " Sloan amended. " Do you mind stopping at my place first? "

" Anything, " Michael said. " As long as it's away from here."

They drove across town in Sloan's car in companionable silence. Michael was surprised to discover that Sloan owned a building in a section of the city previously dominated by factories that had recently become the focus of highly publicized renovations into trendy restaurants and much sought-after loft apartments. Sloan's was on a small side street that retained much of its historic charm, with the original cobblestone streets, horse hitches, and hand-laid brick sidewalks still in evidence. A garage opened on the first floor with a rear staircase and an old freight elevator that gave access to the upper floors. Sloan's loft was on the top floor, and when she slid the double doors open and motioned Michael inside, Michael gasped in delighted pleasure.

" God, this is great, " she exclaimed. The huge space was high ceilinged and completely open, different functional areas simply delineated by the strategic placement of furniture and scattered area rugs. Across the room, floor-to-ceiling windows afforded a sweeping panoramic view of the waterfront and their sister city across the river. The flickering lights of sailboats and cabin cruisers glittered on the glass-like surface of the water.

" Thanks, " Sloan said. " I need to get a shower and change. There's beer, wine, and sparkling water in the kitchen. Just help yourself."

" Sloan, " Michael called impulsively. " How about if we order pizza and stay here? The view is so beautiful, and I'm not sure I want to face the crowds."

Michael looked so young, and so lovely standing there, that Sloan felt her throat tighten. Just that quickly, she was awash with desire again. She swallowed, backing up a few steps. " Sure. There are menus in the kitchen by the phone. Anything you like is fine with me."

Sloan practically fled around the partition that separated her bedroom and bathroom from the common space in the rest of the loft. Michael stared after her, wondering what had prompted that quick flash of fear in her expressive eyes. Whatever the cause, she was determined not to leave until she discovered the answer.