Chapter eighteen. You need to take a break, Michael said quietly

" YOU NEED TO take a break, " Michael said quietly. She came up behind the chair where Sloan sat working, glancing at the monitor and seeing nothing that made sense to her. Without thinking, she placed her hands gently on Sloan's shoulders, her thumbs resting against the back of Sloan's neck. Unconsciously, she softly kneaded the tense muscles under her fingers, enjoying the supple strength she found there.

Sloan leaned back with a groan, her head just touching Michael's abdomen. She closed her eyes, very aware of the heat of Michael's body so near. The touch of Michael’s hands was at once soothing and incredibly exciting. If she weren't careful, she'd have a hard time hiding her arousal. She knew her breathing had taken a quick leap into hyperdrive, and her hands trembled slightly where they lay on her thighs. She silently instructed herself to remember the job she needed to do, which helped, but her voice was husky as she murmured, " God, that feels criminally good. What time is it? "

" Just about noon. You haven't been out of that chair in almost nine hours." Michael looked down at Sloan's face, savoring the opportunity to study the other woman as she rested against her, eyes closed and unaware. God, her face is made for sculpting! Michael had an almost irresistible urge to run her fingers over the dark arch of her brow and along the strong angle of her jaw. Her fingers strayed to Sloan's neck, and she felt Sloan stiffen at the touch. Too much, she thought, you can't do this. She forced herself to step back, dropping her hands to her sides.

Sloan rubbed both hands vigorously over her face, straightening up, ignoring the sudden disappointment at the loss of their connection. She was getting used to the steady throb of unanswered desire whenever Michael was around. At least now she had something to distract her.

" This is that critical time when everything is about to come together, " said Sloan, weary but starting to feel the excitement that preceded a breakthrough. " It's not something you can get up and walk away from once you start tracking these things down. Another couple of hours and I think I'll have a real handle on it. Then I can take a break for a bit."

" What about something to eat? " Michael asked.

" Another cup of coffee would be good, " Sloan confessed.

Michael frowned. She didn't know what she thought would happen when Sloan showed up in the middle of the night. She had been too glad to see her, and too worried about her work and her deadlines. Now she was starting to worry about her.

" Sloan, " Michael began cautiously " if I miss the deadline, it's not the end of the world. I'll manage – "

Sloan swiveled around in the chair, staring up at her in astonishment. " Are you kidding? Another ten – twelve hours, and we'll have this system running better than ever. Once we flush the little bastard and start cleaning, I can finish the security changeovers, too."

Michael looked horrified. " Twelve hours! "

" She's good for a lot more than that, " a voice announced from across the room.

Both women turned at the sound.

" Heck, I've seen her go for days on caffeine and junk food. This is a walk in the park, " Sarah continued, grinning as she crossed the wide office, then stooping to kiss Sloan lightly on the mouth. " Hi, Michael, " she added as she fondly stroked Sloan's arm.

" And you are here how? " Sloan inquired with a grin of her own.

" Jason called me. Told me that our much-anticipated dinner and dancing date was off because you were in the midst of a crisis. I didn't want to miss the fun."

" Some fun, " Michael muttered, feeling as if she were slipping down the rabbit hole. These two actually seemed to find this all amusing.

" And, " Sarah added, " I brought bagels and cream cheese and assorted sinful chocolate things that are guaranteed to keep you awake."

Sloan groaned again. " Bring them here. I have to get back to this."

Sarah noted the return of Michael's worried frown, and pulled her away by the arm. Michael gave the back of Sloan's head one more concerned glance, then followed Sarah to the sitting area where Sarah had deposited several bags on the coffee table.

Sarah leaned close. " Give her another hour or so, and then we'll gang up on her and make her stop for a nap. I just coerced Jason into stretching out on the couch in that lounge down the hall. He looked like his eyeballs were going to fall out. How about you? Get any sleep? "

As she talked she fixed a plate for Sloan.

" Some, " Michael admitted. " I drifted off for a while in here on the sofa. I tried to work on some sketches earlier, but I couldn't concentrate. I feel so damn useless."

Sarah shrugged sympathetically. " I can imagine. But these two know what they're doing. They love this stuff. It'll be okay. Sloan's the best."

Michael watched Sarah as she carried the plate to Sloan, who acknowledged her with a mumble and then a blazing smile. The best? Michael thought. Yes, isn't she.

Sarah turned in time to catch the wistful expression on Michael's face as she stared at Sloan, and knew it for precisely what it was. She wondered if Sloan realized that Michael had fallen in love with her. And she wondered too if Sloan would have the good sense to accept it.

" I feel like such a traitor being outside while they're up there struggling, " Michael said as she took a deep breath of the crisp, clean air. It was mid-afternoon in early May with the temperatures peaking in the '60s, and everywhere that unique bright spring sun suffused the day in warm welcome.

" Don't worry. If it weren't for times like this, the two of them would be bored to tears. I think both of them miss the fast pace and high tension dramas of Washington."

They were walking across town to Sarah's apartment in what was affectionately known as Society Hill. It was an area ten blocks square replete with brownstone townhouses and historic buildings along narrow streets, many of which still retained their original cobblestones. Sarah had kindly offered to let Michael shower and borrow some of her clothes, since Michael had not been out of her office for over twenty-four hours.

Michael wanted to ask about Sloan's past because she was very aware that neither Sloan nor Sarah ever did more than allude to it. She wanted to know who JT Sloan was. She sensed Sloan's kindness and loyalty and strength, and those were the things that attracted her, but she wondered what had shaped her silences and forged the fleeting whisper of pain in her eyes. Those were the things that made her want to hold her, and more. But she could not ask, understanding it was only Sloan's secret to share. " I'm sorry about disrupting your weekend plans, " she said instead.

" Don't even give it a thought. With any luck, it won't be the last time something disrupts my plans with Jason. I only hope we get to that point someday."

Michael glanced at her in mild surprise. " You're really very serious about him are you? "

Sarah nodded. " I really am. It wasn't something I ever expected to happen again, but now that it has, it feels exactly right. We were going to spend the evening together, and I think we both sort of knew it would mean spending the night together. I have to say that if we don't do something pretty soon, I'm likely to implode."

" Well then, I'm doubly sorry, " Michael said with a soft laugh. " I don't think I've ever really appreciated that sensation before."

Sarah looked up sharply. " Before? "

Michael colored, suddenly realizing what she had said. Her first instinct was to dismiss it as a meaningless comment, but in the next instant she appreciated that for perhaps the first time in her life she actually had someone she trusted enough to confide in.

" I've never felt that way about anyone, I mean -- the way you feel about Jason. The attraction, and the – wanting, " she said finally, hoping her keen embarrassment wasn't obvious.

" Your husband? " Sarah asked gently.

Michael shook her head. " Jeremy was my friend first, and then he was my business partner, and somewhere along the way he became my husband. I didn't have any friends, really, because I was different than most of the people my age. It was a kind of salvation when he seemed to understand what was important to me and shared the things that I loved. But it wasn't a union of the senses; it was an intellectual connection. I was never really aware of -" she stopped, struggling for the words. " Sex."

" Sex, " Sarah laughed. " If there is anything more irrational and less explainable than that, I can't imagine what it is. There are a lot of reasons to stay in love, but why we fall in love remains a mystery to me. The best we can hope for is that we fall in love with someone we can continue to love." For a moment, she remembered her last relationship, and she continued sadly, " And sometimes there's nothing we can do except fall and wait for the crash."

" Are you frightened? " Michael asked quietly, suddenly needing very much to know.

Sarah heard the apprehension beneath the question and impulsively took Michael's hand. " A little bit. I try not to think too much about what might happen. It's hard not to, but since we can never really predict, I'm trying to enjoy how alive I feel when I look at him, and how incredibly exciting it is to imagine being with him."

They had come to the stone stairs of the townhouse, and as if prearranged, they'd both sat on a step and leaned back, faces turned to the sky. It was one of those gifted moments when the world seemed to recede, street sounds and sights growing muted, and all that was real was the seductive soothing heat of the sunshine. It was a moment made for confession.

" I'm having a bit of a problem with Sloan, " Michael stated, staring up at the soft white clouds in the blue, blue sky. " I can't stop thinking about her."

" Mmm, I noticed, " Sarah said, tilting her head back to catch the slanting light against her neck. " I'd be willing to bet she's having a bit of a problem with you, too."

Michael's voice was rough with disappointment. " No, she isn't. She's not interested."

Sarah turned her head, wondering why Michael seemed so certain. " What happened? "

Michael blushed, but continued determinedly. " Last weekend, in my hotel room, we -- well I guess – " She shrugged helplessly, pushing her left hand through her already tousled blond hair. " It sounds like it should be so simple when I say it. She kissed me, but then she made it clear it had been a mistake."

" Ah, " Sarah nodded, suddenly understanding. " Not surprising."

Michael turned to her, her eyes questioning. " I'm sorry? "

" Michael, there are things Sloan needs to tell you. Things you need to know to understand her better. She's my oldest friend, and I love her dearly. She's the strongest and most honest person I've ever met. But she's also the most stubborn and she’s been running from something for a long time, and until she stops, she's not going to be able to let anyone close."

Michael didn't understand exactly what Sarah was trying to tell her, but in some ways she thought she did. There had been times when she was with Sloan that she felt so connected, and then in the next instant Sloan would pull away. She didn't know why, but she wanted to.

" Does it bother you, that she's a woman? " Sarah asked quietly.

" I guess it's supposed to, " Michael said thoughtfully. She couldn't prevent an image of Sloan from entering her mind. She saw her, in her faded blue jeans and scuffed brown boots and tight white T-shirt, and something turned over deep in her belly. " I think she's gorgeous. In fact, " she said with a small tight laugh, very aware of exactly what that heavy pulsating sensation signaled, " if I don't stop thinking about her touching me, I'm going to implode."

Sarah burst out laughing, and after a few seconds, Michael joined her. They leaned close together, shoulders touching, each of them thinking how good it was to share the moment, and each of them hoping that dreams could come true.