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Rain didn’t bother me. Hunter did. My feelings for Hunter bothered me the most.

I didn’t end up crying, but I came pretty damn close. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d cried. I’d never been much of a crier, and after everything that had happened, it was like someone had shut off the valve in my tear ducts.

I wanted to punch him again. I wanted to break things and scream, so instead I kept walking. I walked until I’d made it from one end of campus to the other twice, and my shoes were soaked through. I hadn’t thought to wear my super-cute rain boots I’d bought only a few weeks ago. What a waste.

The ring weighed a million pounds by the time I had made it back to the apartment. I looked down at it one more time. Wow. Just wow.

They were having dinner when I walked in.

“He’s not here. He went to stay with Mase for the night, ” Renee said before I’d even closed the door. “What did he do to you? ”

“This, ” I said, holding up my hand. There was a shattering noise as Renee dropped her plate.

“It’s on her right hand, ” Darah pointed out.

“Oh, ” Renee said, leaning down to get the plate. “So I broke a plate for nothing.”

“It’s not exactly nothing, ” I said, shucking off my soaked sneakers and socks and laying my umbrella to dry beside the door.

“Lemme see, ” Renee said, grabbing for my hand.

“Shit. That is some rock. I’m pretty sure that was what sunk the Titanic.”

“It’s gorgeous, Tay, ” Darah said.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with it.”

“Duh, wear it and make the rest of the female population jealous. Hunter Zaccadelli doesn’t buy girls rings. That’s just not a thing that happens, ” Renee said.

“How would you know? ”

“No reason, ” she said, looking down at the ring again.

“What have you heard? ”

“Oh, just that he’s a playboy. One of the girls in my bio class had a friend that got a little burned by him. She was a little bitter.”

“I bet that’s an understatement.” I wondered if she was one of the girls whose numbers was still in his phone. Maybe it was Chastity.

“What was her name? ”

“Briana? Britney? Something that began with a B. Damn, that is some ring.”

It certainly was.

“Are you sure you don’t want him? Because I’d be happy to take him off your hands.”

“What about Paul? ” Darah said.

“What about Paul? ” Renee snapped.

“Don’t play dumb, Ne. I know he called you and you talked. We sleep in the same room.”

Yeah! The attention was on someone else for a change. I dove in, pestering Renee along with Darah until she spilled that Paul had called her and wanted to meet.

“I don’t know.”

“Why don’t you have him over for one of our potluck nights? Then there won’t be so much pressure, ” I said.

“I guess.”

“Do it, ” Darah said. “Right now.”

“Okay, okay. Hold your horses.” She got out her phone and sent the text. “There. Happy? ”

“Joyous, ” Darah said.

“So back to the ring, ” Renee said.

I sighed and showed it to them again.

*****

I didn’t see Hunter until the next night when he came back from classes. I was still wearing the ring. I’d gotten compliments on it all day, and more than one of my female classmates had asked if I was engaged. I had to swallow hard and tell them no.

Besides, Hunter had said he didn’t believe in marriage. I hadn’t seen that it was so great either. My parents were divorced, along with half of the married population. The idea that there was one perfect person destined for each of us sounded way too perfect. It was a fairytale, and not reality. Not that I didn’t like to indulge in the occasional delicious fairytale every now and then,. I just knew that I had to come back to reality.

“Should I assume that since you’re still wearing it that you like it and don’t want it to go away? ”

“Yes, I like it. It’s just unnecessary. I only asked for chocolate.”

“I had a lot of assery to make up for.”

“That is true, but I don’t think it was several thousand dollars worth.”

“You don’t know how much the ring cost.”

“No, but I’m not a moron. I can do Internet research as well as anyone else. I can figure out how much each of these stones is worth, generally speaking, and then figure out the setting and labor and so forth. What? You wouldn’t tell me.”

“You are one of the most curious girls I’ve ever met. You just have to know everything.”

“Curiosity isn’t a sin.”

“Too bad, ” he said. I fought the urge to sick my tongue out at him, because that was juvenile, and I was an adult. “Don’t forget, we have mediation tonight at seven.”

“Shit.” I had forgotten. This should be fun.

“We could make a pact to go and just sit there and say nothing like in Good Will Hunting.”

“I would pay good money to see you be silent for a whole hour. Just about as much as this ring is worth.”

“I don’t want the ring back. I’d lose that bet just so you wouldn’t give it back to me.”

“Why, Hunter? According to my research this ring is worth about as much as Sassy. If you couldn’t find housing, where the hell did you get the money? ”

“Well, Miss Caldwell, I prefer to discuss these issues at our mediation. I think that’s a more fitting environment, don’t you think? ” he said with a smirk. Oh, he was just infuriating.

“I’m going to take a shower. Be sure to take off the ring before you join me.”

“Never. It’s never going to happen, ” I yelled as he walked into our room.

Oh, but it could. It could be a thing that could happen, if I let it. I stared down at the ring. I didn’t know if it was my imagination that it seemed to get bigger the longer I wore it. Next week I was going to wake up and it would be the size of a football and all the bones in my finger would have been crushed by it. Then I’d have to get surgery and they’d probably never be able to get my finger back to normal and I’d have a funky finger for the rest of my life and a crazy story to tell.

I was thinking way too much about this.

Hunter was quiet during dinner, as if he was showing me that he could be silent. I wasn’t very impressed. If he could do it for an entire day, that would be something impressive.

Renee was off at another study session and Darah was out with Mase, so it was just the two of us.

“Hey, ” he said as we were finishing, “it looks great on you. I’m glad you like it.”

What wasn’t to like?

“Thank you, ” I said again. It seemed to be the only normal response I could think of in regards to the ring.

“You have to stop saying that.”

“Why? ” I asked

“Because it makes me feel weird.”

“Weird how? ”

He’d said we weren’t going to discuss the ring until our mediation, but here we were.

“It doesn’t seem like enough. Seeing your face when you opened it makes me want to buy you a million things just so I can see that look every single day.”

“I swear to God, if you buy me anything else, I will kill you.”

“And that. I love that you get pissed about it, but love it at the same time. It’s adorable.”

“Bite me.”

“Such a charming girl. Didn’t they teach you not to say things like that in finishing school? ”

“I missed kickboxing last week, and right now I’d really like to kick some boxes. I think you’d like to protect yours.”

“Is that what the kids are calling them these days? ” he said, taking our plates and going to the sink. It was Darah’s turn for dishes, which she would do as soon as she got back from her date. She stuck to the chore chart like it was her religion.

Hunter went in our room and grabbed his guitar.

“Got any requests? ”

“ Rhapsody in Blue, ” I said, sort of being sarcastic.

“I gave you a beautiful ring and some chocolate and now you want Rhapsody in Blue? You’re a demanding girl, Missy.”

“Fine. Play whatever you want.”

And then it happened. It was a simplified version, but it was Rhapsody in Blue nonetheless. He did Gershwin proud. Granted, it wasn’t the entire twenty-minute symphony, but it was decent. Hunter made the transitions from one section to the other flawlessly. He was a musical genius.

He ended the song and smirked at me.

“Next.”

“Why aren’t you a music major? ” I’d lost track of how many times I’d asked him that. He always made some comment about his uncle and having a good career and other stuff I could tell he was just spitting back to me. He sounded like a guidance counselor when he talked about it, which was why I knew it was total bullshit.

“I’d rather have a lucrative job as a lawyer instead of saying, ‘Do you want fries with that? ’ which is what I’d be doing as a music major.”

“What about music education? ” I’d seen him with Harper, trying to teach her a few chords. I’d also seen a pink guitar in her room that I had the suspicion he bought for her.

“Me with a roomful of kids? Are you serious? ”

“You’re great with Harper.”

“She’s one kid and she’s different.”

“How? ”

“She just is. She’s special.”

“I think you’d be good at it.”

He started strumming a random melody. Now who was deflecting?

“It’s time for our mediation, Miss Caldwell.”

“After you, Mr. Zaccadelli.”

We trooped downstairs to Chris, our resident director’s, room. Chris was about twenty-five and a grad student in some sort of engineering field I couldn’t begin to understand. He was nice, but awkward. You could tell he was only doing it for the free housing and the stipend they paid him.

“Hello, Hunter, Taylor. How are we doing? ”

“Fine, ” we both said at the same time. I glared at Hunter. He winked back.

We seated ourselves on the couch, and Chris got his notebook out. Every now and then he’d make notes while we were talking, like he was a therapist or something. I was dying to know what he’d written about us, but all my attempts to steal said notebook had been futile. Maybe I could rope Hunter into helping me with a distraction.

“So let’s get started. How has this week gone? ”

“Fabulous, ” I said in a deadpan voice.

“It’s been great for me, ” Hunter said.

“Okay, ” Chris said, looking down at his notes. “Do you have any issues you feel we should discuss? ”

“How about that you won’t stop kissing me? ” Hunter said, turning toward me.

“How about the fact that you spent thousands of dollars on a custom-made ring and then just expect me to say thanks, and let’s be together and live happily ever after? How about that? How about the fact that you had some strange meeting with a man named Joe that you won’t tell me about? ”

“Uh, let’s, uh, stay on track, ” Chris said, floundering.

“How about the fact that you want me, I want you and for some reason, it’s impossible for us to be together, according to you?

“You still haven’t answered me about Joe.”

“You haven’t told me why we can’t be together.” We were in each other’s faces. His was getting redder, and I was pretty sure mine was as well.

“Because.”

“That’s not a fucking reason, Taylor.” He spat out my name.

“Language, ” Chris said. “Let’s cool off for a moment. Do I need to bring out the talking stick again? ”

“No, ” we both said at the same time.

At our first session he’d had us hold this stupid stick, which was really a baton, so we could practice talking turns talking. It had ended with me hitting Hunter with the talking stick and him laughing.

I really did want to hit him again, but I didn’t want to get in trouble. Chris had looked the other way on the first talking stick assault, but I didn’t think he’d be so forgiving for a second.

“I don’t want to be assaulted again.”

“I did not assault you.”

“Missy, I really don’t want to go through the legal definition of assault with you right now.”

“Why don’t we start with you, Hunter? What has been bothering you this week? ”

Hunter ignored Chris.

“You’re scared. You’re scared about this big, dark secret you carry around. It’s the reason you don’t trust people, the reason you put up this huge flashing sign that says, ‘Don’t come near me or I’ll kick you in the balls.’ It’s the reason you don’t want to give this a shot. I want to know what it is.”

“No.” He could yell and kiss me and do whatever he wanted, but I wasn’t discussing that with him. The only thing worse about him knowing and then running away would be him accepting it. What then? I’d have nothing left. No other reason to say no.

“See? This is what I have to put up with. She is content to try and root out my secret, but if anyone tries to get near hers, she’s got more walls up than a maximum security prison.”

“Taylor, why don’t you respond? ”

“It’s none of his business.”

“You are my business. I made you my business. I want you to be my business.”

“I don’t. That’s all. He wants me, and I don’t want to be with him and he can’t take it. That’s all.”

“Is that true, Hunter? ”

“Please, that’s bullshit.”

“Language.”

“I’ll talk how I like, thanks. It’s bull because she keeps kissing me and flirting with me and dancing with me. Either you get a sick kick out of messing with me, or you like me, but you’re scared. I’m going with the second.” He’d hit the nail on the head, but I wasn’t going to tell him that.

“I like messing with you, ” I said.

“Prove it.”

“Bite me.”

“Okay, let’s get more specific. Are there any things that Hunter does specifically that we can talk about to resolve? ” He clearly hadn’t been listening, or he was just reading from a script. Probably the second.

“He can stop trying to see me naked. That would be a start.”

“Hunter, do you have a response? ”

“If she would just have sex with me, then that problem would be solved. Also, it would get me to leave. Two birds, one stone, Missy.”

“Fuck you.”

“Please, let’s keep this civil.” Chris was trying to keep control, but he’d never had it in the first place. “Let’s try a communication game.” Not a game. I didn’t know where he’d gotten these things from, but he made us play one at each of our sessions and they were always lame.

This one involved one of us being blindfolded and the other leading us from one side of the room to the other. It was supposed to build trust, but all it did was make me want to direct Hunter so he’d bump into things. It offered Hunter a chance to make me look like a moron, walking around in a circle with him making me do a crazy dance back and forth.

“You’re an ass, ” I said as we walked back upstairs.

“Nothing I didn’t already know, Miss.”

“I hate you.”

“Nice try.”

“I love you? ” Worth a shot.

“Not yet. But you will.” I went to our room and shut the door in his face.

Nineteen

The next week was strangely quiet. Hunter stopped his verbal assault about my secret, for which I was grateful, but it only meant that he was using other means to try and get it out of me. Lull me into a false sense of security, or something like that. I knew he wasn’t giving up. I’d just have to get him out first. Or at least find out what his was.

Something that distracted me from Hunter was Renee. She had been really weird and secretive. She’d be gone for abnormally long amounts of time to the library and she’d come back with a goofy grin on her face. I asked her if she’d met a cute boy in the stacks, but she just smiled and said I’d understand someday.

Darah had even tried to get it out of her, but had gotten zilch. One night when Mase was over and we were having dinner while Renee was out again, we discussed the possibilities.

“It’s got to be Paul, ” Hunter said. I agreed, but I wasn’t going to admit it.

“She’s got to be hooking up with someone and not telling us about it, ” I said.

“Renee is terrible at keeping secrets. Why would she suddenly be good at it? ” Darah said.

I shrugged. “I don’t know, but the last thing she’d ever do is admit she’s been wrong. You know she hates that more than anything else.”

“True. But I saw Paul a couple of days ago and he didn’t say anything about it.”

“That’s weird, ” I said.

The mystery of Renee was solved that night when I heard a crash in the living room and then loud giggling.

“Hey, wake up and put your pants on, ” I hissed at Hunter, grabbing his boxers and throwing them at him.

“It’s got to be Renee, ” he said. “Sounds like her laugh.” Then we heard a male voice.

“Looks like we’re going to solve the mystery of her study dates.” I stood behind him as he went to open the door and see what was going on.

He counted to five under his breath before he did it.

“Oh my God, ” I said, averting my eyes. Renee and Paul were all tangled up on the couch, both of them half-clothed and on their way to fully naked.

“Oh, hello, ” Renee said, laughing when she saw us. Drunk. She was drunk. “This is Paul.”

“We’ve met, ” I said. Paul seemed to be a little more sober and at least had the sense to look mortified.

“Nice to, ah, meet you, Paul, ” Hunter said. “We’re just going to, um, go back to bed. You two… you have a nice night.”

We scurried back to our room as fast as we could.

“Oh my God, ” I said when we had closed the door.

“Well, I guess the mystery is solved.” He looked at me and we started laughing, resting our backs against the door. We heard one of them get up and bump against the coffee table and then Renee laughing like a nut.

“It’s a good thing Darah’s with Mase tonight.”

“Ugh, I really don’t want to think about what’s going to happen in the room right next door. I’m gonna need my earplugs tonight.”

“Why, does other people having sex make you uncomfortable? ”

“No, it’s just weird. Having them right over there, ” I said, pointing to the wall.

“That’s college for you.” He pushed off the door and got back into bed, flinging the boxers down on the floor and sighing.

I looked away and got back into my bed.

“You’re not jealous, are you? That you’re not the one getting lucky? ”

“She’s drunk. She probably won’t even remember it.”

“You are jealous. Well, Missy. I’ve told you we can fix these things.”

“Why does everything come down to sex with you? ”

“It’s not just about the sex, Missy. Although, that part is a lot of fun. It’s the other stuff. Waking up naked next to someone and knowing you’ve shared something. That you were connected, if only for a few minutes.”

“Is that what it’s like for you? ” I couldn’t imagine having that kind of connection with Chastity or whoever else he’d had sex with.

“It would be with you.”

“It isn’t with everyone? ”

“Well, do you connect with everyone you’ve been with? ” Oh shit. I hadn’t expected him to turn this around on me.

“No, ” I said too quickly. Goddamn.

“Jesus Christ, ” he said, sitting up and clutching the blanket so it wouldn’t fall and uncover him.

“What? ”

“You’re a virgin.”

“I am not, ” I said, sounding very much like someone who was lying.

“Shit. Oh, shit.” He was acting like he’d just run over a puppy with his car.

“I’m going to bed, ” I said, because I didn’t really have anything else to say.

“Is that it? Your big secret? ”

Oh, if only it was that.

I didn’t answer.

“I feel like I’ve defiled you now. Why didn’t you tell me? ”

“Why does it matter? Great, now you know I’m a freak. Congratulations.”

“That’s not what I meant. Christ.”

I was mortified and I didn’t know why it bothered me so much. It wasn’t a secret I guarded that closely, but it ran very close to the one I did. This was why I hadn’t wanted Hunter to get close. Because of this moment.

“You should have said something. I would have stopped.”

“I’m not a child, Hunter.”

“I know, but I wouldn’t have said all those things if I had known.”

“Really? Really? ” I sat up, finally glaring at him.

“Maybe? I don’t know. You just seemed so confident.”

“You mean slutty.”

“No. I definitely didn’t mean that. You’re not that kind of girl. I just meant that you seemed like you had experience, that you knew what you were doing. I guess… Wow.”

He shook his head back and forth in disbelief.

“Are you really a virgin? ”

I took a deep breath before I answered.

“Yes.”

“But you’ve done other stuff? Like physically? ”

“If you’re asking if I’ve ever given or received oral sex or been fondled, the answer is no. I have been kissed, and my boob got grabbed once by a guy who I’m pretty sure will never have children after I was done with him.”

For the first time ever, Hunter was speechless. Point for me.

“I don’t know what to say, ” he said.

“Then here’s a thought, don’t say anything. Goodnight.”

“No, no, no. We are talking about this.”

I heard him reach for his boxers, and then a shirt. Hmm. A minute later, the end of my bed dipped.

“Hey, talk to me. I just… it just seems unfathomable that it hasn’t happened yet. If you were to yell out the window right now that you were a virgin, there would be at least a hundred guys lined up within five seconds.”

“Whatever.” I refused to turn over and look at him. I just wanted him to go to bed so I could continue to die inside in peace.

“No one’s ever even tried? ”

“No.” Sure, I’d been asked out, but I’d never gone. And anyone who tried anything usually wound up with a very sore crotch.

“Then there must be something in the water where you live that alters logic. You should probably alert someone about that, because that’s completely crazy.”

“They called me the Ice Queen, ” I mumbled.

“What? ”

“They called me the Ice Queen, ” I said, rolling over. Maybe if I satisfied his curiosity, he’d go away.

“They did not. You? ”

“I guess I was chillier when I was in high school. Maybe you thawed me.”

His hand touched my shoulder.

“I’m sorry about everything.”

“You don’t have to be sorry. Just think before you speak next time. You don’t want to go around insulting virgins. We can be fierce when we want to.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Goodnight.” He finally got up and went back to his bed. “Oh, and if you ever decide to turn in that V card, I’m here. Just so you know.”

“I’m well aware.”

“Good. Because we could be amazing. You and me.”

“Goodnight, ” I said for what felt like the millionth time.

“Goodnight, Missy.”

*****

Hunter was ridiculously nice to me for the next two weeks as we passed from the last gasps of summer into fall.

Fall was my favorite season. Not only because my birthday was in November, but because of Halloween and crunchy leaves and pumpkin-scented things and hats and cute scarves. What wasn’t to like about fall? I couldn’t think of anything.

I usually got the baking bug in the fall as well, and one night I made pumpkin cookies with cream cheese frosting that made Renee propose to me, on one knee and everything.

“Thanks, babe, ” Paul said as he reached for another. Since Renee had brought him home, Paul had become a fixture in our apartment. He and Hunter hit it off right away and had already had several extremely intense Halo tournaments and guitar jam sessions. Paul had a guitar as well, and wasn’t that bad. Renee would sit and watch, tapping her hand and bopping her head and yelling out requests.

I’d never seen her so happy. She was grinning from ear to ear most of the time, and she was always touching him and laughing with him and kissing him. He was sweet and fun and kind of a dork. I liked him even more than I did when they dated last time. He seemed more settled. More mellow.

Between Paul, Hunter and Mase, we had quite a male presence in our place. Add Sean and Dev and we had quite a posse. I got used to having a million people around, all climbing over one another. Dinners were a production, so we made sure we had something for everyone. Somehow, even though I was the youngest, I’d become sort of a mom to them all. When we had dinner no one remembered to grab a napkin, and they always needed something and I was usually the one to get up and get it.

I was still wearing the ring. I only took it off to shower, and my hand felt cold and naked without it. Hunter hadn’t made further mention of the cost, and I had kind of let it go. Or so he thought. I was determined to find out where he got the cash. I knew he wasn’t selling drugs, or robbing banks or anything like that, but I knew it had something to do with Joe. It just had to.

The same night I made the pumpkin cookies I was cleaning up our bedroom, or at least my side of it, when I saw what looked like a crumpled up check. Puzzled, I unfolded it.

It was made out to Hunter in the amount of five thousand dollars.

“Holy shit, ” I said, dropping the check.

“What are you doing? ” a voice said behind me. A Hunter voice.

“Cleaning. And stop sneaking up on me.”

“What were you holy shitting? ”

“Nothing. Nothing.” I tried to push the check with my foot so it would go under a t-shirt I hadn’t picked up yet, but he caught me. Boy was too damn observant.

“Then why are you trying to hide it? ”

“Hide what? ”

“You’re not a moron and you can’t play one very well.” He reached for the check, but I got there first.

“Then why don’t you tell me what the hell this is? ” I held it in front of his face and watched as all the color drained. Impressive.

“Give it back.” He reached for it, but I’d been to kickboxing this week, and my reflexes were on.

“Tell me what it is.”

“Give. It. Back, ” he said through clenched teeth.

I stepped back, putting the check behind my back. He was going to get hold of it, because, let’s face it, he was taller and stronger. But at least I might be able to find out what this was all about.

“Tell me what it is. Where did you get this kind of money? ”

“Give. Me. The. Check.”

I’d never seen Hunter so angry. Never. His blue eyes blazed with it. For the first time, I was scared of him. Didn’t mean I was going to give it to him before I found out what the hell it was.

“Tell me, ” I said softly, backing up until my back hit my bed.

“I swear to God, if you don’t give that to me in the next five seconds, I’m going to take it from you and I’m not going to be very nice about it.”

I shook my head.

“Fine.”

He dived at me, knocking me back so we were on my bed. I fought, but he had weight and momentum on his side.

“Get off me! ”

“Not until you give it to me.”

“Tell me and I will.”

That only seemed to make him madder, and he grabbed my arm, wrenching it around as I fought.

“You’re hurting me.”

He didn’t answer.

We continued to struggle as he finally got hold of it.

“Thank you. Now get the fuck out, ” he said as he got up. I was panting, but he wasn’t. But at least we were both pissed now.

“What? ”

“Get the fuck out, ” he roared.

“Where am I supposed to go? ”

“That’s not my problem.”

“I’m not leaving, ” I said, crossing my arms.

“Then I’m going to have to remove you.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

With steel in his eyes, he reached for me. I thrashed, but he threw me over his shoulder and marched out the door, past Renee and Paul, who were having a tickle fight on the couch, and out to the hallway where he dumped me. I tried to get a good kick or punch in, but he was able to avoid them.

“Don’t touch my stuff. Ever.” He shut the door in my face and clicked the lock.

Twenty

I sat on the floor in the hallway for a few stunned seconds before I got up and banged on the door. Of course, I didn’t have my key, so I banged on it until Renee sheepishly opened it and let me in.

“Thanks for that, ” I snapped.

“I… I didn’t know what to do. I just… I’ve never seen him like that. He went in your room and locked the door and he won’t come out.”

Paul was in the process of banging on our bedroom door.

“Here, let me, ” I said, taking his place at the door. “I’m leaving, you douchebag. I just have one thing to say to you. I. Hate. You. If you don’t believe me, whatever. But I’m not moving out permanently. I was here first before you barged your way in. I don’t care where you go, but when I come back tomorrow, you’d better be gone. Screw you, Hunter Zaccadelli.”

I grabbed my purse and left, calling Megan to ask if she had a free couch for the night.

“Of course, what happened? ”

“I’ll tell you when I get there.”

Sassy roared to life, and I drove as fast as I could away from campus without getting busted by campus security for speeding.

I still wasn’t crying. Oh no. Tears were the last thing on my mind. I was pissed. Beyond pissed. I was livid.

Megan was waiting with a plate of chocolate cake and a sympathetic shoulder.

“Jake’s still at work, and his crusty friends aren’t coming over tonight, so the couch is all yours. I already made it up with fresh sheets. Do you need some clothes? ”