Seventeen

Ionce read an article called 'Make Things Go Your Way' which said if a day doesn't turn out as you intended, you should go back, charting the differences between your Goals and your Results, and this will help you learn from your mistakes.

OK. Let's just chart exactly how much this day has diverged from the original plan I had this morning.

Goal: Look like sexy and sophisticated woman in beautiful, flattering dress.

Result: Look like Heidi/Munchkin extra in lurid puffy nylon sleeves.

Goal: Make secret assignation with Jack.

Result: Make secret assignation with Jack then fail to turn up.

Goal: Have fantastic sex with Jack in romantic location.

Result: Have peanut-barbecued chicken drumstick on picnic rug.

Overall Goal: Euphoria.

Overall Result: Complete misery.

All I can do is stare dumbly down at my plate, telling myself this can't last for ever. Dad and Nev have made about a million jokes about Don't Mention Connor. Kerry has shown me her new Swiss watch which cost £ 4, 000 and boasted about how her company is expanding yet again. And now she's telling us how she played golf with the chief executive of British Airways last week and he tried to head-hunt her.

'They all try it on, ' she says, taking a huge bite of chicken drumstick. 'But I say to them, if I needed a job..." She tails off. 'Did you want something? '

'Hi there, ' comes a dry, familiar voice from above my head.

Very slowly I raise my head, blinking in the light.

It's Jack. Standing there against the blue sky in his cowboy outfit. He gives me a tiny, almost im­perceptible smile, and I feel my heart lift. He's come to get me. I should have known he would.

'Hi! ' I say, half-dazedly. 'Everyone, this is —'

'My name's Jack, ' he cuts across me pleasantly. 'I'm a friend of Emma's. Emma..." He looks at me, his face deliberately blank. 'I'm afraid you're needed.'

'Oh dear! ' I say with a whoosh of relief. 'Oh well, never mind, these things happen.'

'That's a shame! ' says Mum. 'Can't you at least stay for a quick drink? Jack, you're welcome to join us, have a chicken drumstick or some quiche.'

'We have to go, ' I say hurriedly. 'Don't we, Jack? '

'I'm afraid we do, ' he says, and holds out a hand to pull me up.

'Sorry, everyone, ' I say.

'We don't mind! ' says Kerry with the same sarky laugh. 'I'm sure you've some vital job to do, Emma. In fact, I expect the whole event would collapse without you! '

Jack stops. Very slowly, he turns round.

'Let me guess, ' he says pleasantly. 'You must be Kerry.'

'Yes! ' she says in surprise. 'That's right.'

'And Mum... Dad...' He surveys the faces. 'And you have to be... Nev? '

'Spot on! ' says Nev with a chortle.

'Very good! ' says Mum with a laugh. 'Emma must have told you a bit about us.'

'Oh... she has, ' agrees Jack, looking around the picnic rug again with a kind of odd fascination on his face. 'You know, there might be time for that drink after all.'

What? What did he say?

'Good, ' says Mum. 'It's always nice to meet friends of Emma's! '

I watch in total disbelief as Jack settles comfortably down on the rug. He was supposed to be rescuing me from all this. Not joining in. Slowly I sink down beside him.

'So, you work for this company, Jack? ' says Dad, pouring him a glass of wine.

'In a way, ' says Jack after a pause. 'You could say... I used to.'

'Are you between jobs? ' says Mum tactfully.

'You could put it like that, I guess.' His face crinkles in a little smile.

'Oh dear! ' says Mum sympathetically. 'What a shame. Still, I'm sure something will come up.'

Oh God. She has absolutely no idea who he is. None of my family has any idea who Jack is.

I'm really not at all sure I like this.

'I saw Danny Nussbaum the other day in the post office, Emma, ' adds Mum, briskly slicing some tomatoes. 'He asked after you.'

Out of the corner of my eye I can see Jack's eyes brightening.

'Gosh! ' I say, my cheeks growing hot. 'Danny Nussbaum! I haven't thought about him for ages.'

'Danny and Emma used to step out together, ' Mum explains to Jack with a fond smile. 'Such a nice boy. Very bookish. He and Emma used to study together in her bedroom, all afternoon.'

I cannot look at Jack. I cannot.

'You know... Ben Hur's a fine film, ' Jack suddenly says in thoughtful tones. 'A very fine film.' He smiles at Mum. 'Don't you think? '

I am going to kill him.

'Er... yes! ' says Mum, a bit confused. 'Yes, I've always liked Ben Hur.' She cuts Jack a huge chunk of quiche and adds a slice of tomato. 'So, Jack, ' she says sympathetically as she hands him a paper plate. 'Are you getting by financially? '

'I'm doing OK, ' Jack replies gravely.

Mum looks at him for a moment. Then she rummages in the picnic basket and produces another Sainsbury's quiche, still in its box.

'Take this, ' she says, pressing it on him. 'And some tomatoes. They'll tide you over.'

'Oh no, ' says Jack at once. 'Really, I couldn't —'

'I won't take no for an answer. I insist! '

'Well, that's truly kind.' Jack gives her a warm smile.

'You want some free career advice, Jack? ' says Kerry, munching a piece of chicken.

My heart gives a nervous flip. Please, please don't try to get Jack to do the successful woman walk.

'Now, you want to listen to Kerry, ' puts in Dad proudly. 'She's our star! She has her own company.'

'Is that so? ' says Jack politely.

'My own travel agency, ' says Kerry with a compla­cent smile. 'Started from scratch. Now we have forty staff and a turnover of just over two million. And you know what my secret is? '

'I... have no idea, ' says Jack.

Kerry leans forward and fixes him with her blue eyes.

'Golf.'

'Golf! ' echoes Jack.

'Business is all about networking, ' says Kerry. 'It's all about contacts. I'm telling you, Jack, I've met most of the top businesspeople in the country on the golf course. Take any company. Take this company.' She spreads her arm around the scene. 'I know the top guy here. I could call him up tomorrow if I wanted to.'

I stare at her, frozen in horror.

'Really? ' says Jack, sounding riveted. 'Is that so? '

'Oh yes.' She leans forward confidentially. 'And I mean, the top guy.'

'The top guy, ' echoes Jack. 'I'm impressed.'

'Perhaps Kerry could put in a good word for you, Jack! ' exclaims Mum in sudden inspiration. 'You'd do that, wouldn't you, Kerry love? '

I would burst into hysterical laughter. If it wasn't so completely and utterly hideous.

'I guess I'll have to take up golf without delay, ' says Jack. 'Meet the right people.' He raises his eyebrows at me. 'What do you think, Emma? '

I can barely talk. I am beyond embarrassment. I just want to disappear into the rug and never be seen again.

'Mr Harper? ' A voice interrupts and I breathe in relief. We all look up to see Cyril bending awkwardly down to Jack.

'I'm extremely sorry to interrupt, sir, ' he says, glancing puzzledly around at my family as though trying to discern any reason at all why Jack Harper might be having a picnic with us. 'But Malcolm St John is here and would like a very brief word.'

'Of course, ' says Jack, and smiles politely at Mum. 'If you could just excuse me a moment.'

As he carefully balances his glass on his plate and gets to his feet, the whole family exchanges confused glances.

'Giving him a second chance, then! ' calls out Dad jocularly to Cyril.

'I'm sorry? ' says Cyril, taking a couple of steps towards us.

'That chap Jack, ' says Dad, gesturing to Jack, who's talking to a guy dressed in a navy blazer. 'You're thinking of taking him on again, are you? '

Cyril looks stiffly from Dad to me and back again.

'It's OK, Cyril! ' I call lightly. 'Dad, shut up, OK? ' I mutter. 'He owns the company.'

'What? ' Everyone stares at me.

'He owns the company, ' I say, my face hot. 'So just... don't make any jokes about him.'

'The man in the jester's suit owns the company? ' says Mum, looking in surprise at Cyril.

'No! Jack does! Or at least, some great big chunk of it.' They're all still looking completely blank. 'Jack's one of the founders of the Panther Corporation! ' I hiss in frustration. 'He was just trying to be modest.'

'Are you saying that guy is Jack Harper? ' says Nev in disbelief.

'Yes! '

There's a flabbergasted silence. As I look around, I see that a piece of chicken drumstick has fallen out of Kerry's mouth.

'Jack Harper - the multimillionaire, ' says Dad, just to make sure.

'Multimillionaire? ' Mum looks totally confused. 'So... does he still want the quiche? '

'Of course he doesn't want the quiche! ' says Dad testily. 'What would he want a quiche for? He can buy a million bloody quiches! '

Mum's eye starts flicking around the picnic rug in slight agitation.

'Quick! ' she says suddenly. 'Put the crisps into a bowl. There's one in the hamper —'

'They're fine as they are...' I begin helplessly.

'Millionaires don't eat crisps from the packet! ' she hisses. She plops the crisps in a plastic bowl and hastily starts straightening the rug. 'Brian! Crumbs on your beard! '

'So how the hell do you know Jack Harper? ' says Nev.

'I... I just know him, ' I colour slightly. 'We've worked together and stuff, and he's kind of become a... a friend. But listen, don't act any differently, ' I say quickly, as Jack shakes the hand of the blazer guy, and starts coming back towards the picnic rug. 'Just act the way you were before.

Oh God. Why am I even bothering? As Jack approaches, my entire family is sitting bolt upright, staring at him in awe-struck silence.

'Hi! ' I say, as naturally as possible, then quickly glare around at them.

'So... Jack! ' says Dad self-consciously. 'Have another drink! Is this wine all right for you? Because we can easily nip to the wine shop, get something with a proper vintage.'

'It's great, thanks, ' says Jack, looking a little baffled.

'Jack, what else can I get you to eat? ' says Mum, flustered. 'I've got some gourmet salmon rolls some­where. Emma, give Jack your plate! ' she snaps. 'He can't eat off paper.'

'So... Jack, ' says Nev in a matey voice. 'What does a guy like you drive, then? No, don't tell me.' He lifts his hand. 'A Porsche. Am I right? '

Jack meets my eye with a quizzical expression, and I stare back him beseechingly, trying to convey to him that I had no choice, that I'm really sorry, that basically I want to die...

'I take it my cover's been blown, ' he says with a grin.

'Jack! ' exclaims Kerry, who has regained her compo­sure. She gives him an ingratiating smile and thrusts out her hand. 'Good to meet you properly.'

'Absolutely! ' says Jack. 'Although... didn't we just meet? '

'As professionals, ' says Kerry smoothly. 'One business-owner to another. Here's my card, and if you ever need any help with travel arrangements of any sort, please give me a call. Or if you wanted to meet up socially... perhaps the four of us could go out some time! Play a round? Couldn't we, Emma? '

I stare at her blankly. Since when have Kerry and I ever socialized together?

'Emma and I are practically sisters, of course, ' she adds sweetly, putting her arm round me. 'I'm sure she's told you.'

'Oh, she told me a few things, ' says Jack, his expres­sion unreadable. He takes a bite of roast chicken and starts to chew it.

'We grew up together, we shared everything.' Kerry gives me a squeeze and I try to smile, but her perfume is nearly choking me.

'Isn't that nice! ' says Mum in pleasure. 'I wish I had a camera.'

Jack doesn't reply. He's just giving Kerry this long, appraising look.

'We couldn't be closer! ' Kerry's smile grows even more ingratiating. She's squeezing me so hard, her talons are digging into my flesh. 'Could we, Ems? '

'Er, no, ' I say at last. 'No, we couldn't.'

Jack's still chewing his chicken. He swallows it, then looks up.

'So, I guess that must have been a pretty tough decision for you when you had to turn Emma down, ' he says conversationally to Kerry. 'You two being so close, and all.'

'Turn her down? ' Kerry gives a tinkling laugh. 'I don't know what on earth you —'

'That time she applied for work experience in your firm and you turned her down, ' says Jack pleasantly, and takes another bite of chicken.

I can't quite move.

That was a secret. That was supposed to be a secret.

'What? ' says Dad, half laughing. 'Emma applied to Kerry? '

'I... I don't know what you're talking about! ' says Kerry, going a little pink.

'I think I have this right, ' says Jack, chewing. 'She offered to work for no money... but you still said no.' He looks perplexed for a moment. 'Interesting decision.'

Very slowly, Mum and Dad's expressions are changing.

'But of course, fortunate for us here at the Panther Corporation, ' Jack adds cheerfully. 'We're very glad Emma didn't make a career in the travel industry. So I guess I have to thank you, Kerry! As one business-owner to another.' He smiles at her. 'You did us a big favour.'

Kerry is completely puce.

'Kerry, is this true? ' says Mum sharply. 'You wouldn't help Emma when she asked? '

'You never told us about this, Emma.' Dad looks completely taken aback.

'I was embarrassed, OK? ' I say, my voice jumping a bit.

'Bit cheeky of Emma to ask, ' says Nev, taking a huge bite of pork pie. 'Using family connections. That's what you said, wasn't it, Kerry? '

'Cheeky? ' echoes Mum in disbelief. 'Kerry, if you remember, we lent you the money to start that company. You wouldn't have a company without this family.'

'It wasn't like that, ' says Kerry, darting an annoyed look at Nev. 'There's been a... a crossed wire. Some confusion! ' She pats her hair, and gives me another smile. 'Obviously I'd be delighted to help you with your career, Ems. You should have said before! Just call me at the office, I'll do anything I can...'

I gaze back at her, full of loathing. I cannot believe she is trying to wriggle out of this. She is the most two-faced cow in the entire world.

'There's no crossed wire, Kerry, ' I say, as calmly as I can. 'We both know exactly what happened. I asked you for help and you wouldn't give it to me. And fine, it's your company and it was your decision and you had every right to make it. But don't try and say it didn't happen, because it did.'

'Emma! ' says Kerry, with a little laugh, and tries to reach for my hand. 'Silly girl! I had no idea! If I'd known it was important...'

If she'd known it was important? How could she not know it was important?

I jerk my hand away and stare back at Kerry. I can feel all the old hurt and humiliation building up inside me, rising up like hot water inside a pipe, until suddenly the pressure is unbearable.

'Yes you did! ' I hear myself crying. 'You knew exactly what you were doing! You knew how desperate I was! Ever since you've arrived in this family you've tried to squash me down. You tease me about my crap career. You boast about yourself. I spend my entire life feeling small and stupid. Well, fine. You win, Kerry! You're the star and I'm not. You're the success and I'm the failure. But just don't pretend to be my best friend, OK? Because you're not, and you never will be! '

I finish, and look around the gobsmacked picnic rug, breathing hard. I have a horrible feeling I might burst into tears, any moment.

I meet Jack's eye and he gives me a tiny, way-to-go smile. Then I risk a brief glance at Mum and Dad. They're both looking paralysed, as if they don't know what on earth to do.

The thing is, our family just doesn't do loud, emotional outbursts.

In fact, I'm not entirely sure what to do next myself.

'So, um... I'll be going, then, ' I say, my voice shaking. I'll be off. Come on, Jack. We've got work to do.'

With wobbly legs, I turn on my heel and head off, stumbling slightly on the grass. Adrenalin is pumping round my body. I'm so wound up, I barely know what I'm doing.

That was fantastic, Emma, ' comes Jack's voice in my ear. 'You were great! Absolutely... logistical assessment, ' he adds more loudly as we pass Cyril.

'I've never spoken like that in my life, ' I say. 'I've never... operational management, ' I quickly add, as we pass a couple of people from Accounts.

'I guessed as much, ' he says, shaking his head. 'Jesus, that cousin of yours... valid assessment of the market.'

'She's a total - spreadsheet, ' I say quickly as we pass Connor. 'So... I'll get that typed up for you, Mr Harper.'

Somehow we make it into the house and up the stairs. Jack leads me along a corridor, produces a key and opens a door. And we're in a room. A large, light, cream-coloured room. With a big double bed in it. The door closes, and suddenly all my nerves flood back. This is it. Finally this is it. Jack and me. Alone in a room. With a bed.

Then I catch sight of myself in a gilded mirror, and gasp in dismay. I'd forgotten I was in the stupid Snow White costume. My face is red and blotchy, my eyes are welling up, hair is all over the place, and my bra strap is showing.

This is so not how I thought I was looking.

'Emma, I'm really sorry I waded in there.' Jack's looking at me ruefully. 'I was way out of line. I had no right to butt in like that. I just... that cousin of yours got under my skin—'

'No! ' I interrupt, turning to face him. 'It was good! I've never told Kerry what I thought of her before. Ever! It was... it was...' I tail off, breathing hard.

For a still moment there's silence. Jack's gazing at my flushed face. I'm staring back, my ribcage rising and falling, blood beating in my ears. Then suddenly he bends forward and kisses me.

His mouth is opening mine, and he's already tugging the elastic sleeves of my Snow White costume down off my shoulders, unhooking my bra. I'm fumbling for his shirt buttons. His mouth reaches my nipple and I'm starting to gasp with excitement when he pulls me down onto the sun-warmed carpet.

Oh my God, this is quick. He's ripping off my knickers. His hands are... his fingers are... I'm panting helplessly... We're going so fast I can barely register what's happening. This is nothing like Connor. This is nothing like I've ever - A minute ago I was standing at the door, fully clothed, and now I'm already - he's already -

'Wait, ' I manage to say. 'Wait, Jack. I just need to tell you something.'

'What? ' Jack looks at me with urgent, aroused eyes. 'What is it? '

'I don't know any tricks, ' I whisper, a little gruffly.

'You don't what? ' He pulls away slightly and stares at me.

'Tricks! I don't know any tricks, ' I say defensively. 'You know, you've probably had sex with zillions of supermodels and gymnasts and they know all sorts of amazing...' I tail off at his expression. 'Nevermind, ' I say quickly. 'It doesn't matter. Forget it.'

'I'm intrigued, ' says Jack. 'Which particular tricks did you have in mind? '

Why did I ever open my stupid mouth? Why?

'I didn't! ' I say, growing hot. 'That's the whole point, I don't know any tricks.'

'Neither do I, ' says Jack, totally deadpan. 'I don't know one trick.'

I feel a sudden giggle rise inside me.

'Yeah, right.'

'It's true. Not one.' He pauses thoughtfully, running a finger around my shoulder. 'Oh, OK. Maybe one.'

'What? ' I say at once.

'Well...' He looks at me for a long moment, then shakes his head. 'No.'

'Tell me! ' And now I can't help giggling out loud.

'Show, not tell, ' he murmurs against my ear, and pulls me towards him. 'Did nobody ever teach you that? '