Chapter Fourteen. Cody dug her toes into the wet sand and gazed at the horizon

Cody dug her toes into the wet sand and gazed at the horizon. The beach was deserted, the sun too newly risen to have gathered strength. Wading along the water’s edge, she was lost in thought. A week. She and Annabel had been lovers for a week, and already Cody could not conceive of a future without her.

But what kind of future did they have? Since that uneasy conversation on the beach a few days ago, they had avoided the topic entirely. It was as if they had reached an unspoken accord to live only for the moment. They spent most of their time together and found that they had the oddest things in common. They both liked their eggs barely cooked and without salt, they had both broken their collarbones when they were eight, each had stamp collections they could not bear to part with.

Cody was often conscious of Annabel’s lavender eyes on her, a question in their depths—and something else. Sadness? She could not be sure. Cody felt confused, torn. When she was with Annabel she was gloriously happy, her flesh singing. When they made love she surrendered herself totally to the experience, feeling a powerful sense of belonging.

Sometimes she fancied irrationally that she had been waiting for Annabel all her life, that nothing mattered until now. In those moments she knew with startling clarity exactly what she wanted, marveled at the meaningless trivia of her life, hated herself for doubting the future, for all the fears that surfaced every time she was alone.

“I’m falling in love with her, ” she said to the ocean as a wave broke around her feet. “What shall I do? ”

She had lost count of the times she had framed a sentence, rehearsed her story, preparing to tell Annabel about the money. But somehow the moment never seemed quite right. There was always some reason to put it off. Some excuse, Cody corrected. Coward, she thought angrily. It was not that she didn’t trust Annabel—or was it?

When Margaret left, Cody had felt the trust seep out of her, leaving a hollowness deep inside and a compulsion to protect herself. Now she had spent the past week exposing herself physically with an abandonment that shocked her. Yet all the while she knew she was pushing Annabel away emotionally. She couldn’t carry on like that if she wanted their relationship to have a chance. It was time she stopped hiding behind the excuse of the money secret and started being honest.

Cody paused and stared into the blue horizon. In that moment she knew with absolute certainty what she must do.

“I need to come into Rarotonga with you today, ” Cody announced over coffee.

A flutter of apprehension stirred Annabel’s insides. “Fine, ” she said calmly.

She resisted the urge to ask Cody why. Having sex with a woman did not mean owning her, and at the moment sex seemed to be all she did have with Cody. A reticence surfaced in her every time Annabel attempted to come close, and she had learned that confronting her only exacerbated the situation. With unsteady fingers, she poured another aromatic cup of coffee and wondered what Cody planned to do in Rarotonga.

“I need to drop by home and pick up a few things before we leave.” Cody said, hastily draining her cup.

Annabel felt that familiar churning in the pit of her stomach as she watched Cody slip into her sandals. She was wearing outrageously short shorts and a clinging white T-shirt that emphasized her perfect torso and the deep tan she had acquired since coming to the island. Her limbs were smooth and muscular, and Annabel was suddenly flooded with images of her naked, of the two of them entwined in fierce passion, of her face saturated with sweat and Cody.

Don’t leave me, she implored wordlessly, then felt humiliated. Nothing had prepared her for this—she felt almost dependent. It was an unexpected development and one she did not welcome. Annabel wondered if it was some kind of sex addiction. It happened. And after all, she’d been celibate for almost a year before coming to the island and she was still withdrawing from the adrenalin highs of her job. She didn’t need to repeat that addictive pattern in her relationships. It was destructive and ultimately unsatisfying—short-term gratification, nothing more. Not that there was anything wrong with having sex for plain enjoyment, no strings attached.

But she had been there and done that. She wanted more this time. She wanted to be close to Cody. She wanted the intense intimacy they experienced in lovemaking to extend to other levels. Yet for that to be possible Cody had to trust her, and Annabel was beginning to despair of that ever happening. Sometimes she felt like grabbing her and shaking her, yelling that she wasn’t the only one who was scared. That she didn’t have the monopoly on baggage from past relationships, that nothing she was hiding could be any worse than some of Annabel’s less appetizing exploits.

Annabel could not shake a sense of unease about Cody’s sudden decision to come to Rarotonga. It had to be something serious. She would not make that dreaded flight on a whim. Fearing that whatever potential their relationship had was about to be lost on some stupid technicality or false assumption, Annabel said, “Please tell me what this is about.”

Cody gazed at her blankly. “What do you mean? ”

“If there’s an errand you need to do, maybe I can help… you know, spare you the flight from hell.”

Cody shook her head. “No, thanks anyway. I need to do this myself.”

“I’m not stupid, Cody.” Annabel struggled to dampen down her frustration. “I know you have stuff to resolve, and I don’t expect you to discuss your personal affairs with me. But maybe there’s something I can do.”

“You can’t. Trust me.”

Was it all about pride? Annabel wondered. Was Cody stubborn about accepting help because she did not want to feel beholden? Sensitive to the disparity in their situations, Annabel had told Cody almost nothing about her true financial position. She knew Cody perceived her as having resources—a nice house, a profession—but nothing that could create an impasse between them. From their conversations she knew Cody saw a similar future for herself, only she would have to buy her house instead of inheriting it. She had teased Annabel about this, but it was light-hearted.

Yet if Cody had a financial problem, Annabel wanted her to know she could help. Taking a risk, she said, “If you need some money—”

“I don’t.” Cody flushed.

“I know things can be tough financially after a breakup, ” Annabel said. “I’m only saying I could lend you whatever you need.”

“Thanks. That’s really nice of you. But I’m fine.” Cody avoided looking directly at her. Dropping a quick hard kiss on Annabel’s mouth she said, “See you at the strip.”

Looking for distraction in the two hours she had to kill before the flight, Annabel decided to sort out once and for all why Aunt Annie had insisted that she come to Moon Island. She had allowed herself to become so absorbed by Cody over the past week, she had given the mystery little time. And, if she were completely honest with herself, she had been relieved to have an excuse to abandon those uncomfortable forays into her aunt’s private world. No matter how much she told herself that Aunt Annie wouldn’t have written that letter if she hadn’t wanted Annabel to do what she was doing, it still felt underhanded and voyeuristic.

With reluctant fingers, she opened the diary to where she had hurriedly closed it a week ago.

I am so fed up with this great big stomach and constant rushing to the bathroom. Rebecca is very patient with me, the dear angel. No matter how crotchety and unreasonable my demands, she is all tenderness. Sometimes I feel so frightened about having the baby and I hate the way my body is out of control. The doctor says I have only a week or so to endure this discomfort and I have certainly reached the stage where I shall sing and dance the day I feel my first pains. Rebecca has already engaged a nurse for the baby and we have chosen a list of names, all girls’!

Annabel slid a bookmark into the diary and dropped it heavily onto her knee. Her heart was racing. She felt dizzy, a little nauseated. Aunt Annie had had a baby. She couldn’t believe it. What had happened to the child? Was there a child?

Agitated, she began flicking through the pages to catch phrases, words.

… took so long...weak… The baby is so beautiful, the most beautiful baby in the world… Rebecca is besotted. We are calling her Lucy… leaving for Moon Island tomorrow...so tired but Lucy is a vision…

The entire diary was full of Lucy. Lucy’s first smile, sitting up, eating solids, first words, starting to walk. Annabel’s hands were shaking uncontrollably by the time she reached the final page. Her whole body felt slippery with perspiration.

Lucy! She had never heard anyone mention a cousin. They’d be the same age this year—thirty-three. Annabel felt momentary outrage, quickly followed by pain. She thought of her huge toy-filled bedroom, the inanimate playmates that had substituted for other children, the desperate loneliness of her growing up.

From the time she was a small child, she had been so painfully shy about her appearance that she had trouble making friends. People had never meant to be cruel. She came to realize that eventually. But their comments and stares had made her profoundly self-conscious. The sensitive child she had been was forced deep into a protective shell.

How different it would have been if she’d had a sister, a cousin, to grow up with—Lucy. Annabel bit her lip and located her aunt’s next diary. For a moment she sat just holding it, a curious heaviness settling on her chest. When she opened it, she could not put it down and read solidly until the sound of an engine intruded on her consciousness.

“Damn.” She got to her feet and peered out the window. The Dominie made a low pass over the Villa then out above Passion Bay, wheeling westward for the approach to the Marama Bay landing strip.

Annabel pictured Cody waiting at the strip and felt a flare of anger. Her taciturn behavior this morning had been downright hurtful, and Annabel was not in the mood to spend the next two hours sitting in silence with her. She could delay going into Rarotonga, she decided. There were plenty of supplies and she had more important things to do. If Cody didn’t like it, too bad. She hadn’t exactly welcomed Annabel’s attempts to treat her like she was more than a fling. In fact, she seemed to be going out of her way to ensure their relationship would never exist outside the bedroom.

Resolutely Annabel marched into the kitchen and lifted the hand-piece from her radio set.

“Annabel won’t be coming, ” Bevan Mitchell informed Cody as she tossed her bag into the cabin. “You’re invited to dinner with her when you get back.”

Cody raised her eyebrows. “Thanks, ” she said stiffly.

She could not help but glance across her shoulder in the direction of Annabel’s house. Was she all right? It was not like Annabel to skip her chores on Raro. Conscious of a curious pull, she was tempted to abandon her plans and head straight for Villa Luna. But common sense got the better of her. If Annabel wasn’t well or needed her, she would have said so. They weren’t joined at the hip. Telling herself to act maturely, Cody clambered aboard the Dominie.

“Business in Rarotonga? ” Bevan observed as he taxied the plane around to prepare for takeoff.

“A little.” She caught his quizzical look, but would not be drawn, instead making a show of reading her book.

She had no idea what it said on the page. All she could see was Annabel’s face, shadowed with misgiving. She should have answered her questions, Cody realized belatedly. She owed her some kind of an explanation, even if it left out crucial details. Every time Annabel tried to reach her, Cody was aware that she withdrew, keeping an artificial distance between them that denied her own emotional reality. This she justified in terms of keeping her secret safe. Yet she knew there was another reason.

The truth was she was afraid of making herself vulnerable, of Annabel somehow finding her wanting and rejecting her. They were from such different worlds. Cody was acutely conscious that she had almost nothing to offer a new relationship—Margaret had torn so much away from her, materially and emotionally. Gazing down at the watery infinity far below, she was gripped by a tugging sensation so intense it made her gasp. It was as if she were bound to Annabel by some mysterious force. The strain of parting wrenched at her gut, unleashing a flood of sense memories—of Annabel wetly astride her, of their bodies sated, entwined, yet still craving.

She slumped in her seat, the paperback sliding from her hands. She knew she had a choice—either she could run away, deluding herself that it was for the best, or she could take the chance Fate had thrown her way. A woman like Annabel happened once in a lifetime. Only a blithering idiot would slink off into the night, paralyzed by some temporary loss of self-confidence. She could not allow the past to impact so profoundly on her future, whatever it might hold.

When she got back to Moon Island later that day, she would speak to Annabel. Maybe she wouldn’t tell her absolutely everything. But she would be honest about her feelings and her fears. What did she have to lose?

Cody managed not to scream or otherwise make a fool of herself during the rest of the flight, however she did gulp a much needed breath as they touched down.

“There. Not so bad now, was it? ” Bevan pronounced with the confidence of a dentist extracting a tooth.

Cody grunted a response and refrained from kissing the ground.

“I’ll see you back here at four then, ” he said as she headed for the terminal.

It seemed to take forever to buy a return ticket to Auckland.

“For tomorrow? ” The agent seemed suspicious of her haste. Cody figured most people made their travel arrangements a little further in advance.

“It’s a family emergency, ” she said.

“The outbound flights are full. You’ll have to go on standby.”

“Fine.” Cody knew she sounded as doleful as she felt.

He took a long hard look at her, then said, “Just a minute, ” and vanished with her passport into a room behind the counter.

Cody’s stomach gurgled with nerves. Was this it? she wondered. Was she about to be handcuffed and read her rights? Did criminals have any rights here? She flicked a sweeping glance around the terminal, tempted to make a break for it. Bevan knew these islands. She could ask him to fly her somewhere she would never be found. Maybe she could pick fruit or dive for pearls or something.

“We found a cancellation and you’re booked, ” the clerk said keying in data. “Check in is at four p.m.” He asked all the usual questions, then handed back her passport and asked her to check the itinerary before he printed out the tickets. There was no sign of nervous agitation in his demeanor, no hint that he might be setting her up.

Feeling like she had just slipped through a dragnet, Cody paid her money and stuffed the tickets into her bag. With a polite thank you, she fled the terminal, heady with relief.

To her surprise, Bevan was already at the Dominie when she got there. He had said he would be in Avarua picking up their fruit order, but it looked like Smithy had already completed the chore. Puzzled, she watched him stacking cargo in the hangar instead of the plane.

“We won’t be going back today, ” he answered her unspoken question. “Fuel problems. Looks like there’s water in it, and God knows what else. Someone forgot to clean the barrel out. Happens all the time.”

“Can’t we get the fuel from somewhere else? ”

He rolled his eyes eloquently. “We could, but the problem is that we’ve already refueled. So the lines are contaminated. I just tested her and—” He slid a finger across his throat.

“But I have to get back today.” She didn’t add that her flight to New Zealand left the next morning.

“There’s no chance of that. I have to drain the fuel lines, filter the damned stuff, and test-run the motors for at least half an hour. We’ll be lucky if she’s airworthy before tomorrow lunchtime, and Smithy’s off shortly.”

Cody raised frantic eyes. “Can’t I help? I know something about motors.”

Bevan shook his head. “She’s not a car. I’ll book you in at The Rarotongan and give you a call tomorrow when we’re ready to roll.”

“Damn it! I don’t believe this.” Cody surveyed the little silver plane with disgust. “Does anyone else round here fly charter? ”

“Not to Moon, ” Bevan said. “And I already checked to see if I could get you something on spec.”

“Shit.” Cody wiped away the sweat that was gathering across her brow.

“Sorry, kid, ” Bevan said. “Even if we could get her going today we’d be flying at night and there’s no way we could land. You’ve seen the strip. There’s not a marking on it, much less lights.”

Cody pulled a deep shaky breath. “I know. It’s just that I’m leaving for New Zealand tomorrow morning, and I really need to speak to Annabel before I go.”

Bevan’s face was impassive. “There’s a short-wave transmitter here. We could try radioing her.”

Cody gripped his arm. “Thank you. Yes! The radio! ”

She hovered impatiently as Bevan signaled, “Moon. Moon Radio. This is Dominie two-one-eight-five. Come in please. Come in Moon. Do you read me… Repeat do you read me? Over.”

There was nothing, just an occasional pulse of static. He tried again.

“Looks like Moon is out of range today, ” he noted. “It depends on the weather. Why don’t you keep trying while I finish getting this stuff in the hangar? ”

He showed Cody how the radio worked and left her to it. After a fruitless hour, she flopped into a chair and stared listlessly out at the day.

“No luck? ” Bevan joined her, taking a couple of beers from a decrepit refrigerator and handing one to her.

“If they had decent phones out there I could call her, ” Cody muttered. “But no. That would be too simple. That island must be the only place on earth that still has those ancient crank handle things.”

“Miss Adams liked to keep things the way they were. The simpler life… you know.”

“Island madness, ” Cody said. “I always wondered what that term meant. Now I know—no phone, no TV, and no clue what’s going on in the rest of the world.”

Between sips of beer, Bevan radioed the island a few more times then said, “I’ll take you over to the hotel.”

Cody hesitated, then gave in. There didn’t seem to be any alternative.