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THE FAIR-PLAY RULE






But to be fair, there were plenty of more positive findings in our research on English workers as well, not least to

do with fairness. Although I often use the terms interchangeably, I have chosen the term ‘fair-play rule’ rather

than ‘fairness rule’ for the title of this section, as I feel that ‘fair play’ conveys a wider and somewhat less rigidly

egalitarian concept that more accurately reflects the English values I am trying to describe. ‘Fair play’, with its

sporting overtones, suggests that everyone should be given an equal chance, that no-one should have an unfair

advantage or handicap, and that people should conduct themselves honourably, observe the rules and not cheat

or shirk their responsibilities. At the same time, ‘fair play’ allows for differences in ability and accepts that there

will be winners and losers – while maintaining that playing well and fairly is more important than winning. Some

would claim that this last element is archaic and no longer applied, but my research has convinced me that it is

still a rule in the sense of an ideal standard to which the English aspire, even if it is not often achieved.

In some respects, the fair-play rule serves us well in the world of work and business. While we undoubtedly

have our share of rogues and cheats, and the rest of us are by no means saints, the English are generally still

regarded, with some justification, as relatively fair and straight in their conduct of business – and there is

certainly less blatant tolerance of bribery, corruption and cheating here than in most other countries. When we

hear of such incidents, most of us do not shrug in a knowing, worldly manner, as if to say ‘Well, yes, what do you

expect? ’ We are shocked, outraged, righteously indignant. This may be partly because the English take great

pleasure in being shocked and outraged, and righteous indignation is one of our favourite national pastimes, but

the feelings expressed are nonetheless genuine.

When asked to compare English working and business practices with those of other cultures, all of my foreign

and immigrant informants commented on the English sense of fair play, and specifically on our respect for the law

and our relative freedom from the corruption they felt was endemic and tacitly accepted (albeit in varying

degrees) in other parts of the world. Many felt that we were not sufficiently aware or appreciative of this fact.

‘You just take it for granted, ’ a Polish immigrant complained. ‘You assume that people will play fair, and you are

shocked and upset when they do not. In other countries there is not that assumption.’

So, we may be a bit dull and excessively moderate, but perhaps, without wishing to come over all patriotic,

this fair-play ideal is something we could still take a bit of pride in.

MOANING RULES

The rather less admirable English habit of constant moaning is another distinguishing feature of our workplace

behaviour, and of our attitude to work. The principal rule in this context is that work is, almost by definition,

something to be moaned about. There is a connection here with the Importance of Not Being Earnest rule, in that

if you do not indulge in the customary convivial moaning about work, there is a danger that you will be seen as

too keen and earnest, and labelled a ‘sad geek’, a sycophantic ‘suck’ or a self-important ‘pompous git’.

The Monday-morning Moan

English work-moaning is a highly predictable, regular, choreographed ritual. On Monday mornings, for example, in

every workplace in England, from factories and shops to offices and boardrooms, someone will be conducting a

Monday-morning moan. I can guarantee it. It is universally understood that everyone hates Mondays; that we all

had trouble dragging ourselves out of bed; that we really could have done with an extra day to get over the

weekend; that the traffic/tube/trains/buses just seem to be getting worse and worse; that we have far too

much to do this week, as per bloody usual; that we are already tired and our back/head/feet are hurting, and the

week’s only just started, for God’s sake; and, look, now the photocopier is on the blink again, just for a change,

huh, typical!

There are endless variations on this Monday-morning-moan, and no two such moans are ever exactly alike –

but, like the infinitely variable snowflake, 43 they are all nonetheless remarkably similar. Most of them start and

sometimes end with a bit of weather-speak: ‘Bloody cold, ’ or ‘Raining again, ’ we grumble, as we shed our coats

and scarves on arrival, which sets the tone and triggers another complaint, either about the weather or the

traffic, trains, etc. At the end of the first morning-moan ritual, someone may close the proceedings with ‘And it’s

still raining, ’ or ‘Well, ’ stoical sigh, ‘at least it’s stopped raining. ’ This is the cue for everyone to shift from their

habitual moan-position and start reluctantly getting on with the day’s work, muttering ‘ Right, well, s’pose we’d

better make a start, ’ or ‘Back to the grind, then, ’ or, if in a position of authority, ‘All right, c’mon, you lot, let’s

get some work done.’

Then we all work, moderately diligently, until the next moaning opportunity, usually the first tea- or coffeebreak,

when the Monday litany of complaint is revived with a new set of moans: ‘God, is it only eleven o’clock?

I’m so tired.’ ‘Well, it’s been a long week.’ ‘Eleven already? I’ve got so much to do and I’ve barely made a dent in

it.’ ‘That bloody coffee machine’s eaten my 50p again! Typical! ’ And so on. Followed by yet more congenial

moaning over lunch, at subsequent breaks, and at the end of the day, either on leaving work, or over after-work

drinks in a local pub or bar.






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