Fit the word to the deed

Being aware of the vast power contained in metaphors includes knowing how to use them in an appropriate context. The challenge is that a lot of people have metaphors that help them in their professions, but create challenges at home. I know an attorney who found herself trying to apply

the same adversarial metaphors at home that served her so well at work. Her husband would start a perfectly innocent conversation with her, and the next thing he knew, he felt like he was up on the witness stand being cross-examined! That doesn't work too well in a personal relationship, does it? Or suppose someone is a totally dedicated police officer. If they can't let go of their work when they get home, do you think they might always be on the lookout for other people violating their standards?

One of the best examples of an inappropriate metaphor is a man who was so dissociated that his wife and children didn't feel any connection with him at all. They resented the way he never expressed his true feelings and the fact that he always seemed to be directing them. Do you know what his profession was? He was an air traffic controller! On the job he had to remain detached. Even if there was an emergency, he had to keep his voice absolutely calm so as not to alarm the pilots he was directing. That disassociated attitude worked well in the control tower, but it didn't work at home. Be careful not to carry the metaphors that are appropriate in one context, like the environment in which you work, into an incompatible context, like how you relate to your family or friends.

What are some of the metaphors people have for their personal relationships? Some people call the person they're in a relationship with " the old man" or " the old hag." Some call them " the dictator, " " the ball and chain, " " the warden." One woman actually called her husband " the Prince of Darkness"! What are some more empowering alternatives?

Many people call their mate their " lover, " their " better half, " their " partner in life, " their " teammate, " their " soul mate." By the way, even changing one slight nuance of a metaphor will change the way you perceive the relationship. You may not feel passionate for a " partner, " but you certainly would for your " lover." Do you think that the metaphors you use in representing your relationship to yourself as well as to others would affect the way you feel about it and how you relate to one another? You bet! One lady who came to a Date With Destiny seminar kept referring to her husband as " this jerk

I'm with, " and I had noticed that whenever he talked about her, he called her " the love" of his life or his " better halt" or his " gift from God." When I pointed this out to her, she was shocked, because she's a very loving woman who hadn't realized how toxic one casually adopted metaphor could be. Together we selected more appropriate metaphors for her relationship with her husband.