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A skill of power






 

Learning to ask empowering questions in moments of crisis is a critical skill that has pulled me through some of the toughest times in my life. I'll never forget the moment I discovered a former associate doing a seminar and claiming credit for material I had developed, word for word. My first impulse was to ask things like " How dare he! How could he have the nerve to do this?, " but I soon realized that getting involved in these kinds of unanswerable questions would only whip me into a frenzy, creating an endless loop out of which there seemed no escape.

The guy did what he did—I realized I should simply allow my attorneys to apply the pain-pleasure principle to straighten him out—so why should I have stayed in an angry state in the meantime? I decided to move on and enjoy my life, but as long as I kept asking, " How could he do this to me?, " I'd remain in this negative state. The fastest way to change my state would be to ask a series of new questions. So I asked myself, " What do I respect about this guy? " At first my brain screamed, " Nothing! " but then I asked, " What could I respect about him if I wanted to?, " and finally I came up with an answer: " Well, I've got to admit that he's not sitting around passively; at least he's using what I taught him! " This made me laugh and definitely broke my pattern, enabling me to change my state, reassess my options, and feel good about their pursuit. One of the ways that I've discovered to increase the quality of my life is to model the habitual questions of people I really respect. If you

find someone who's extremely happy, I can guarantee you that there is a reason. It is that this person focuses consistently on things that make them happy, and this means that they're asking questions about happiness. Find out their questions, use them, and you'll begin to feel the way they do.

Some questions we will simply not consider. Walt Disney, for instance, refused to entertain any questions about whether his organizations could succeed or not. But that doesn't mean that the creator of the Magic Kingdom did not use questions in more resourceful ways. My grandfather, Charles Shows, was a writer with Disney before he went on to work with Hanna-Barbera developing such cartoon characters as Yogi Bear and Huckleberry Hound. One of the things he shared with me was that anytime they were working on a new project or script, Disney had a unique way of requesting input. He designated a whole wall on which he would display the project, script, or idea, and everyone in the company would come by and write down the answers to the question: " How can we improve this? " They'd write solution after solution, covering the wall with suggestions. Then Disney would review everyone's answers to the question he'd asked. In this way, Walt Disney accessed the resources of every person in his company, and then produced results commensurate with that quality of input.

The answers we receive depend upon the questions we're willing to ask. For example, if you're feeling really angry, and somebody says, " What's great about this?, " you may not be willing to respond. But if you value learning highly, you might be willing to answer your own questions of, " What can I leam from this situation? How can I use this situation? "

Your desire for new distinctions will cause you to take the time to answer your questions, and in so doing, you'll change your focus, your state, and the results you're getting.

Ask yourself some empowering questions right now. What are you truly happy about in your life right now? What's really great in your life today? What are you truly grateful for? Take a moment to think about the answers and notice how good it feels to know that you have legitimate reasons for you to feel great now.

2. Questions change what we delete. Human beings are marvelous " deletion creatures." You and I have so many millions of things going on around us that we can focus on right now, from the blood flowing through our ears to the wind that may be brushing against our arms. However, we can consciously focus on only a small number of things simultaneously. Unconsciously, the mind can do all sorts of things, but consciously we're limited in terms of the number of things we can focus on simultaneously. So the brain spends a good deal of its time trying to prioritize what to pay attention to, and more importantly, what not to pay attention to, or what to " delete."

If you're feeling really sad, there is only one reason: it's because you're deleting all the reasons you could be feeling good. And it you're feeling good, it's because you're deleting all the bad things you could be focusing on. So when you ask someone a question, you change what they're focusing on and what they're deleting. If someone asks you, " Are you as frustrated as I am with this project?, " even if you weren't frustrated before, you may begin to focus on what you were deleting previously, and you may start to feel bad, too. If someone asks you, " What's really lousy in your life?, " then you may be compelled to answer, regardless of how ridiculous the question is. If you don't answer it consciously, then the question can stick in your mind unconsciously.

Conversely, if you're asked, " What's really great in your life?, " and you keep focusing on the answer, you might find yourself feeling excellent immediately. If someone says, " You know this project really is great.

Have you ever thought about the impact we're going to have because of what we've created here?, " you might become inspired by a project that seemed laborious. Questions are the laser of human consciousness.

They concentrate our focus and determine what we feel and do. Stop for a moment and as you look around the room, ask yourself a question: " What in this room is brown? " Look around and see it: brown, brown, brown. Now, look down at this page. Blocking off your peripheral vision, think of everything that's... green. If you're in a room you know very well, you can probably do this easily, but if you're in a strange room, chances are that you'll remember a lot more brown than green. So now look around and notice what's green: green, green, green. Do you see more green this time? Again, if you're in an unfamiliar environment, I'm sure your answer is yes. What does this teach us? Whatever we look for we'll find.

So, it you're angry, one of the best things you could ask yourself is, " How can I learn from this problem so that this never happens again? " This is an example of a quality question, in that it will lead you from your current challenge to finding resources that can keep you from having this pain in the future. Until you ask this question you're deleting the possibility that this problem is really an opportunity.

 

 






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