Thirty-One

ON THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL, GINA ACTUALLY GAVE me a compliment. “You know all that working out has turned you into a hunk.”

I smiled at her. “That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“So how are you going to celebrate the beginning of summer? ”

“I’m working tonight.”

She smiled. “So serious.”

“You and Susie going to a party? ”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t you get tired of parties? ”

“Don’t be stupid. I’m seventeen, you idiot. Of course I don’t get tired of parties. You know what, you’re an old man trapped in the body of a seventeen-year-old guy.”

“I won’t be seventeen until August.”

“It gets worse.”

We both laughed.

“You want to do me a favor? ” I said.

“What? ”

“If I go out to the desert and get plastered tonight, will you and Susie drive me back home? ” I didn’t even know I was going to say that.

She smiled. She had a great smile. A really great smile.

“Sure, ” she said.

“What about your party? ”

“Watching you loosen up, Ari. That’s a party. We’ll even score the beer for you, ” she said. “To celebrate the end of school.”

Gina and Susie were waiting for me on my front stepswhen I got home from work. They were talking to my mom and dad. Of course they were. I cursed myself for telling them to meet me at my house. What the hell was I thinking? And I didn’t even have an explanation. Yeah, Mom, we’re going out to the desert and I’m going to get shit faced.

Gina and Susie were cool, though. No hint of the beer they said they were going to score. They played good girls to my parents. Not that they weren’t good girls. That’s exactly what they were: good girls who wanted to pretend they were bad girls but who never would be bad girls because they were too decent.

When I drove up, my mom was ecstatic. Not that she behaved ecstatically. But I knew that look. Friends at last! You’re going to a party! Yeah, okay, I really did love my mom. My mom. My mom who knew Gina’s parents, who knew Susie’s parents, who knew everybody. Of course she did.

I remember changing clothes in my room and washing up. I remember staring at myself in the mirror. I remember whispering, “You are a beautiful boy.” I didn’t believe it—but I wanted to.

So the first people to enter into my truck other than Legs and my mother and father, were Gina Navarro and Susie Byrd. “You guys are breaking in my virgin truck, ” I said. They rolled their eyes—then just laughed their asses off.

We stopped at Gina’s cousin’s house and picked up an ice chest full of beer and Cokes. I let Gina drive to make sure she knew how to drive a stick shift. She was a pro. She drove better than I did. Not that I told her. It was a perfect night and there was still some coolness in the desert breeze, the heat of the summer was still a step away.

Me and Susie and Gina sat in the bed of my truck. I drank beer and looked up at all the stars. And I found myself whispering, “Do you think we’ll ever discover all the secrets of the universe? ”

I was surprised to hear Susie’s voice answering my question. “That would be a beautiful thing, wouldn’t it, Ari? ”

“Yeah.” I whispered, “Really beautiful.”

“Do you think, Ari, that love has anything to do with the secrets of the universe? ”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

Susie smiled. “Did you love Ileana? ”

“No. Maybe a little bit.”

“Did she break your heart? ”

“No. I didn’t even know her.”

“Have you ever been in love? ”

“Does my dog count? ”

“Well, counts for something.” We all laughed.

Susie was nursing a Coke as I drank beer after beer. “Are you drunk yet? ”

“Sort of.”

“So why do you want to get drunk? ”

“To feel something.”

“You’re an idiot, ” she said. “You’re a good guy, Ari, but you’re definitely an idiot.”

We all lay down on the back of the pickup, me and Gina and Susie, and just kept looking out at the night sky. I didn’t really get all that drunk. I just let myself mellow out. I listened to Gina and Susie talk and I thought it was nice that they knew how to talk and how to laugh and how to be in the world. But it maybe it was easier for girls.

“It’s good you brought a blanket, ” I said. “Good thinking.”

Gina laughed. “That’s what girls do, good thinking.”

I wondered what it would be like, to love a girl, to know how a girl thinks, to see the world through a girl’s eyes. Maybe they knew more than boys. Maybe they understood things that boys could never understand.

“Too bad we can’t lie out here forever.”

“Too bad, ” Susie said.

“Too bad, ” Gina said.

Too bad.