Time After Time 2 страница

“Is he nervous? ” Ted asked.

“A little, ” I replied. “He’ll be fine, though.”

“And you’re not jealous? ” he asked, giving me a suspicious look.

“Why the fuck would I be jealous? ” I asked. “Jealousy is for lesbians.”

Ted laughed. “That’s just like you. Your incredibly hot boyfriend is about to be leered at not only by everyone in this room, but people across the country, and you’re not even the slightest bit bothered.”

I shook my head and him. “Theodore, unlike you, I don’t restrict Justin or myself to a boring, pseudo-hetero monogamous lifestyle. So why the fuck should I care if he’s seen in some little swim trunks? ”

Ted shrugged. “I’ll never understand it, ” he replied. “After ten years of being apart, you’d think you’d be sick of tricking, and appreciate what you’ve got.”

I glanced away, tongue in cheek. Well. So maybe I hadn’t been tricking as often in the past few months. And so what if I’d only done it when Justin was there to share the trick with? He was hotter than anyone I could pick up at Babylon. It wasn’t being anything near monogamous. It was just having good taste. Fucking around didn’t mean anything. And if I wanted to, I could go do that. Just because I hadn’t fucked anyone but him unless he was with me fucking them, too, didn’t mean anything.

“Oh, there’s the other models, ” Ted said.

Three men walked into the room, each one more muscular and hot than the last. All three of them were dark skinned. One was Hispanic, one was black, and one that might have been Italian. All three of them were gorgeous, and couldn’t have been a day over 25.

“What the fuck is this? ” I asked, glancing at each one’s ass as they went into the changing rooms.

“Well, they’re for the gay shots, ” Ted clarified. “You said you wanted to do some normal ones, with just the main model, and some more erotic ones, for the gay ads.”

Had I said that? When did I say that? I didn’t remember saying that. “Oh, ” I mumbled. “Why are they all so…”

“So hot? ” Ted laughed and shrugged. “They wanted guys that could compliment how pale and petit Justin is. So we got them.”

Tongue in cheek, I watched as the lights were turned on and Justin came out of the dressing room. “Oh.” He was wearing blue swim trunks that hugged his ass perfectly. God, I wanted to take them off of him with my teeth.

“Alright, take your places, ” the photo director said loudly.

Justin walked onto the set and stood there nervously. “Uh, what exactly should I do? ”

Scheid waved an arm at him. “Relax! Don’t just stand there! Try to look hot! ”

Even from the back of the room I could see Justin blushing. He took a deep breath and slowly relaxed, and the cameras started to flash.

“Okay, now put your leg out… that’s right, just like that, ” Scheid said. He continued to direct Justin as they took more photos. Justin standing in place, hands on his hips; Justin holding a surf board; Justin sitting with his legs spread and that look on his face that he always gave me when he wanted me to fuck him particularlyhard.

Speaking of hard… I glanced down at my pants and shifted, trying to hide the large bulge that was already there. Damn. I glanced around the room at everyone else. They were staring, some of them were leering, but they were being professional. Of course they were, they worked for me. And this was no big deal. So he looked hot, so what? I didn’t care.

“Okay, now for round two, ” Scheid said. “Get the oil.”

“Oil? ” Justin asked, as one of the female assistants approached him with a bottle in her hands.

“These are going in the adult magazines, so we need you to look slick, ” Scheid explained, sounding exasperated. “Just let her put it on you.”

“Oh, um, okay, ” Justin mumbled, as the girl began rubbing the oil all over him.

My cock twitched in my pants. Fuck. I was glad it was a girl rubbing that shiny shit on his body. If it had been a guy –

Wait. If it had been a guy it would have been hotter. Of course. Just hotter.

“Okay, ” the girl said. “He’s covered.” She stepped out of the way of the cameras just in time for the other three models to come on set. Each of them was wearing red swim trunks. They didn’t look nearly as good in them as Justin did.

“Alright, boys, strike a pose, ” Scheid said, sounding bored. “At least try to look sexy.”

I stared as the three men approached Justin. At first he looked nervous, then he relaxed again, and they posed around him.

At first they just stood together. Then they were told to stand closer. That was okay. That was fine. It was hot. Justin’s body was all shiny and covered in that oil that they’d rubbed on him, and his nipples were hard, and his hair was in his face, and he was looking at the camera with that look again.

I was going to have to get copies of these for myself.

Then one of the men put a hand on Justin’s shoulder.

I felt my entire back tense. Why the fuck was I tensing? I didn’t care. I don’t care. It’s just a fucking photo shoot. I’d seen Justin fuck other guys, it didn’t matter to me.

And I kept telling myself that, as all three men crowded around Justin, putting their hands on him, pressing against him, giving him looks that were far too good to be faked. They wanted him. Who wouldn’t? Not that I cared. I didn’t care.

“What’s with the amateur hour? I want to see something more interesting, ” Scheid called out.

Then one of the men put his hand on Justin’s ass.

I jerked out of my seat and stood there, watching as another one tugged the swim shorts down just a little off Justin’s hip. He stared at the camera with a knowing look. And… fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Was he getting hard?! Those shorts didn’t leave much to the imagination. There was definitely a bulge in the front of them. He was getting hard.

Wait. Why was I standing? Why was I freaking out? It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter. Why should I care? I didn’t care. I didn’t.

Then I looked around the room.

Everyone – everyone – was staring. The room had gone silent as Justin posed with the other men, every time getting closer, every time exposing a little more skin. My gaze finally landed on Theodore.

Theodore, who was staring, open-mouthed at Justin. Theodore, who if I wasn’t mistaken, had a bulge of his own. What the FUCK.

FUCK. THIS.

“I think that’s enough, ” I said, walking quickly to Scheid.

He stared at me. “Mr. Kinney, we’ve only done the first set. We have to do this with at least two other types of suits.”

I forced myself to relax, to breathe, to not freak out. Why the fuck would I freak out? I didn’t care. Why should I care? I was just tired is all. I just wanted to send Justin home so I could get back to work.

Then I realized that everyone in the room was staring at me. Fuck.

“Fine, ” I replied. Every cell in my body screamed out for me to grab Justin and pull him away. I ignored it. It was an unfamiliar, fucked up feeling, and clearly I just needed to go jerk off and have some coffee and I’d be fine. I glanced at Justin, ignoring the way my cock twitched and something inside me roared to rip those bastards’ filthy hands off of MY Sunshine.

My? Mine?

Fuck. Maybe I was coming down with something.

“I’ll be in my office, ” I said to Justin.

He smiled and nodded.

Fuck.

I walked out of the room, stopping near the door to give Ted a threatening look.

He tore his gaze from Justin to me, and then swallowed hard and went back to his office. Fucking asshole.

I made it to my office and sat down to work. I had phone calls to make. I had important clients to see. I had to go to the art department and make sure they weren’t fucking up the boards for the presentations I had to give.

But all I could see was those hands on his body.

Maybe I really was getting sick. That was the only explanation. It was some kind of flu. Some kind of weird flu that makes your whole body tense, and your chest ache, and makes you want to punch those bastards in the face for touching MY Sunshine.

Fuck.

Time After Time-A sequel to Kondo-Chapter 4

Ok, so I would be lying if I said it wasn’t hot. That having those hot guys hands all over my greased up body didn’t make my dick instantly hard. I’m a man. And a gay man at that. So cut me some slack.

And I’d also be lying if I said I didn’t feel hot. I’ve been told my entire life, by everyone, that I was hot. By Brian, tricks, friends. Everyone. But this was different. I was hot enough to be a model? No way. But, maybe I was. I’m not getting a big head about it. I’m just surprised. And flattered. And it made me feel hot.

The hot lights, the hot clothes, the hot men, all made me feel more confident than I had in a long time. Coming home from New York, as much as I needed and wanted to do it, was one of the hardest thing I had ever done. To admit to myself, Brian and everyone else around me that I had failed. I know what they would all say. It wasn’t failure. In all honesty I had become the big fat fucking success they all thought I would become. Had my own gallery. Made money off my art. Made a name for myself there. And no one begrudged me when I came home. It’s like they all understood. But it didn’t make it less of a failure in my eyes.

The shoot took longer than expected. Scheid needed this one particular shot for “Heat” magazine, which was a 1 million dollar spread, to be perfect. And the perfect shot? One model behind me, his arms wrapped around my chest and the other at my feet arms wrapped around my leg. I was looking down at him, my blonde hair in my face with a look of utter lust. It’s not like I was acting. This was hot. They guys were hot and like I said, I felt hot.

So when I finally cleaned all the fucking oil off my body and got dressed it was past 4. Daphne had left a frantic message on my voicemail saying she was so sorry but she had an emergency at work and wouldn’t be able to meet up with me to give my birthday present. When I went to Brian’s office to let him know my plans with Daphne had fallen through I found he was gone.

“Ted? ” I asked as I walked into his office.

He flushed slightly and cleared his throat. What was up with him?

“Yea, hey Justin.”

“Where’s Brian? ”

“Oh he left like an hour ago. Said he had some things to take care of.” Ted continued to work on his computer and not look at me. Why was he being so fucking weird?

“Oh. Did he tell you to tell me anything? ” I frowned slightly. Why didn’t he wait for me?

Ted shakes his head. “Nope. Just said he had things to do.”

I stand there for what seems like forever, tracing my fingers over the edge of Ted’s desk. I shouldn’t be surprised. I mean, he’s Brian. Of course he had things to do. He was CEO of Kinnetik and the owner of Babylon. His day never really ended. But…it was my birthday.

But Brian Kinney doesn’t do birthdays. I knew this. And I had accepted it. I had expected to come home around 6, make dinner myself like I always did, watch TV with Gus and then have him fuck me into the mattress until I passed out. Just like any other day. It was just another day. I was only 33. But I thought he would at least want to celebrate my big photo shoot. My big modeling debut. But he had things to do. Which was fine. I’m fine. It’s fine.

I leave Ted’s office in a fog. I am in such a fog in fact I don’t even notice Raul, one of the models coming right at me. We bump right into each other and he laughs as I almost fall to the ground.

“Hey! In your own world much? ” He asks.

“Oh sorry, just thinking.” I smile at him. Damn he was hot.

“Hey all of us are headed over to that Japanese Steak house for dinner. You wanna come? ”

I shake my head. “No, its ok thanks.”

“Oh, come on. I heard a rumor it’s your birthday.” He beams this smile at me. Did I mention how fucking hot he was?

“It is. That’s true.” I smile at him.

“Then come on! We’ll celebrate you’re big debut.” He raises an eye brow at me waiting for an answer.

Well it’s not like Brian expected me home anytime soon. He knew I was meeting Daphne. And I’m sure if he got hungry he could order something. If he was home at all. And Gus was fine by himself. It was my birthday anyways. My day. And Brian would never want me to pass up 3 hot guys.

I agree to dinner and he gives me a seductive look as we exit Kinnetik. God he was hot.

~~~~

It was past 9 by the time I pulled my car into the driveway. I was humming as I entered the house and I found Gus standing in the foyer, arms folded and a smile spread from ear to ear.

“You are SO in trouble.” He tells me.

“What? “ I ask as I hang my jacket up.

He points toward the kitchen. I walk slowly giving him a weird look. I see Brian, dressed in his hottest most expensive suit he owned. What the hell….

“Brian? What’s going on? Gus said…”

“WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN??? ” He screams glass of beam in hand.

Oh fuck. He’s been drinking.

“Huh? ” I ask. I’m not really sure what is going on right now.

“I asked you WHERE the FUCK were you?? How fucking long does it take to get a present from Daphne?? The shoot was over at 4! It’s almost 9: 30!!! ” He’s pacing now.

“Well Daphne called and said she had an emergency at work and couldn’t meet me. So I went to dinner with the guys from the shoot.” I smirk. “And I got a present after all.”

Oh shit.

That did it.

His eyes widen and he clenches his hand around the glass so tight his knuckles get white.

“You went to dinner with the models? Well I hope you fucking enjoyed yourself while I was here waiting.” He says through gritted teeth.

“Waiting for what? ” I am seriously confused right now.

“You could have fucking called you know! ” He’s back to pacing now.

“Huh? Brian….since when….”

“Since when? ” He interrupts. “Since when? Since I’ve been waiting here since 5 o’clock for you to come home. Since I got dressed in the suit YOU love the most on me. Since I made sure your suit was pressed and ready. And since IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I WAS GOING TO TAKE YOU TO DINNER AT MARIO’S!!! ” The vein in his neck is straining. Fuck.

Mario’s was one of the most elite restaurants this side of West Virginia. They are always booked and you either need to know someone important or fuck someone important to even get a…..

“Do you know WHAT I had to DO to get this reservation!!!??? I’ve had it for WEEKS!! ”

Yup. That’s what I thought.

Oh shit. Oh fuck.

“Brian, how the hell was I supposed to know you wanted to take me to dinner? I got done with the shoot and you were GONE! ”

He is out of breath and he slams the glass down on the counter and leaves the kitchen. What. The. Fuck.

I follow him into the dining room and find him leaning against one of the chairs. I spot Gus leaning against the wall, watching with a smirk on his face.

Then I see them. Perfectly arranged in a huge oversized vase in the middle of the table.

Sunflowers.

I laugh. Please don’t ask me why I laughed. Because I honestly couldn’t tell you why.

“What the fuck are those? ” I ask.

He whirls around. “THEY WERE FOR YOU!! ”

Gus snorts and he shoots him a look of death. His eyes widen and he books it up the stairs.

I can’t move. I can’t breath. Brian bought me flowers. FLOWERS. BRIAN.

“You bought me flowers? Why? ”

“Are you fucking kidding me? NOW you don’t WANT flowers?? ” Oh he is pissed.

“No, I mean…” This wasn’t going well.

“Well just forget it. Forget dinner. Forget the flowers. Forget the night I had planned. I really hope you had fun sunshine. I hope he was an AWESOME fuck.”

Is he fucking serious?

“Brian, this is nuts. I mean I’m sorry I was late. I’m sorry I didn’t call…”

“Sorry’s bullshit.” He interrupts.

I sigh. “Brian....This is totally out of character for you. I mean your acting really weird. You just walked out of the shoot today. You left work and didn’t even tell me you were leaving. And now you’re freaking out because I was magically supposed to know you had this whole night planned.”

“It’s your FUCKING birthday Justin! Why the FUCK wouldn’t I do something for it!? ”

“Because! ” I throw my arms in the air. “Because it’s not what you do! Brian Kinney doesn’t celebrate birthdays. So how was I supposed to know you wanted me home? You should have just told me! You wouldn’t have had to tell me your plans or anything. You could have just said, ‘come home so I can fuck you senseless’ and I would have never gone.”

“Doesn’t matter now. You had your fun for your birthday.” He starts to undo his tie and walk away from me.

What the hell?

“Brian, what is with you? I mean you’re the LAST person I would think would want me to pass up on 3 hot guys. And you were acting totally weird today during the shoot. If I did something to make you mad…..”

“Mad? WHY THE FUCK WOULD I BE MAD?? ” He screams.

“I don’t know! But that’s they way you are acting! Your acting totally fucked right now and I have no idea why! Just tell me what the fuck is the matter! Why the hell your so…..”

“CAUSEIDON’TWANTANYONETOUCHINGYOU!!!!! ”

…”angry.”

Chapter 5

Everything happened so fast.

I remember standing there, having just blurted it out, and Justin was staring at me, and there was a long silence, and I didn’t know how to explain what I’d just said to him since I couldn’t explain it to myself.

Then the phone rang.

We ignored it. We stood there, staring at each other, me in my fucking suit and him looking freshly fucked, and those fucking flowers on the table, and I was just starting to decide what I was going to say to him, when Gus walked in the room.

He was pale. “It’s Uncle Ben, ” he said.

That was all he had to say. I took the phone from him, and Michael was on the other end, and he was crying.

“He’s in the hospital, ” Michael managed to say.

“I’m leaving now, ” I replied.

I didn’t have to explain anything to Justin, the look on his face meant he already knew. I went upstairs and changed quickly, and we drove to the hospital. Gus insisted on coming. I didn’t have the energy to argue. It took a half an hour to get to the hospital. It should have taken at least forty-five minutes. No one complained about my speeding.

When we got there, Michael was sitting in the hall, outside Ben’s room. All I could do was hug him. Michael was pale and his eyes were red and when I held him he trembled. But all I could do was hug him. I couldn’t fix it.

“Is there any word? ” I asked.

He shook his head. “He just passed out, ” he said. ”First he had a fever, and then he just… passed out. There hasn’t been a change…” His voice was strained as he tried not to sob.

“Should we call anyone? ” Justin asked softly from behind me.

Michael shook his head and buried his face in my shoulder. “I already called Hunter. He’ll be here tomorrow night.”

Debbie would have been here. Debbie would have been here first thing, and held Mikey’s hand, and made sure that he wasn’t alone.

But Debbie was gone. Debbie was dead.

“What about the girls? ” Justin asked.

Michael lifted his head and stared at Justin over my shoulder. “I haven’t yet…”

“I’ll call them, ” Justin said.

“Fuck, ” Michael whispered, burying his face in my shoulder. “He was fine just this morning.”

I hugged him tighter. He didn’t need this. Fuck, but he didn’t need this. I wanted to tell him everything would be okay. I wanted to promise him Ben would be fine. I couldn’t. He might not be.

“I’ll stay with you, ” I said.

Michael sniffled and I realized distantly that he was probably getting snot all over my shirt. I didn’t care. “No, you have to work-“

“Fuck work, ” I replied. “I’m staying.” I pulled away from him enough to glance over my shoulder at Justin.

He just nodded.

“But… your birthday, ” Michael mumbled, forcing a grin.

Fuck. That’s right. It was still Justin’s birthday. I wondered what I should do.

But Justin quickly stepped over and put a hand on Michael’s shoulder. “It’s fine.” He looked at me. “I’ll take Gus home soon. But…”

I nodded. We needed to talk. I released Michael and glanced at Gus, who came over and hugged him instead. At times like this, Michael needed to be held.

And fuck, what about Gus? Ben was “Uncle Ben” to him, and “Dad” to Gus’ sister. Gus was probably freaking out, too.

I followed Justin down the hall and around the corner to get some privacy. I ran a hand through my hair and wished not for the first time that you could smoke in hospitals. “Justin-“ I started to say.

He held his hands up. “Don’t. This is more important. Ben is family, and he’s in there and he…” He winced and shook his head. “You need to stay. Michael needs you.”

There he went again, reminding me what a fucking strong, incredible, selfless person he was. I felt like an asshole. “About earlier, ” I started to say.

“It’s okay, ” he replied. “We’ll talk about it later.”

I nodded and put a hand on the back of his neck and pulled him into a kiss. I hoped that it could show him how I felt. How fucking scary it was that Ben was in there, and might be dying, and how fucking scary it was to see Michael like this, and how I’d been too close to death too many times in my fucking life.

I think he understood, because he put his arms around me and when the kiss broke, he told me he loved me.

“You too, ” I said. I couldn’t do more than that. If I said it, I’d break. I had to keep the walls up, keep strong, for Mikey.

Justin understood. He always did. He smiled and kissed me again. Then we all sat down outside Ben’s room. Justin was on one side of me, holding my hand, and Michael on the other, his head on my shoulder. Doctors kept entering and leaving Ben’s room, but they didn’t tell us anything useful.

It was pneumonia, they said. Fucking pneumonia. It was moving fast, and he was hooked up to machines just so he could breathe. He was unconscious, and showing no sign of waking up. Weren’t the drugs supposed to keep him from catching shit like pneumonia? I could hear Ben himself explaining it to Hunter. “The drugs don’t always work like they’re supposed to.”

At 1 AM, when there was still no change, Justin took Gus home. I hugged Gus, and kissed Justin, and they left.

Then I sat with Mikey, while the doctors went in and out of Ben’s room, all night long, waiting for a change.

***

At 7 AM I called Cynthia to let her know I wouldn’t be coming to work. She started to give me crap about missing meetings, until I told her why. Then she said she’d take care of it. I really should give her another raise.

Ted and Emmet showed up a little while after that. Cynthia had told Theodore, and he’d told Emmet, and here they were.

“Why didn’t you call us, sweetie? ” Emmet asked, hugging Michael.

“Sorry, I didn’t… I just…” Michael tried to say.

Ted put a hand on Michael’s back and gave me a worried look. “It’s fine, Michael. We’re here, now.”

“They don’t know if he’s going to make it, ” Michael choked out, trying not to cry. I didn’t know how he was managing. If it had been Justin –

Fuck. Justin.

Michael was occupied by Emmet and Thedore, so I stepped away and called Justin on my cel phone. He answered immediately.

Is there any change? ” he asked.

“No, ” I said. “Nothing.”

“Fuck, ” he said softly.

“Do you have time to bring me a change of clothes? ” I asked.

“You’re not coming home? ” He sounded upset. I winced.

“It’s either stay, or leave him in Emmet’s capable hands, ” I replied. Fuck. That was supposed to be funny. Only it didn’t sound it.

“You have to rest, ” he said softly.

“I’ll rest when Mikey can rest, ” I replied. “He needs me.”

There was a pause before Justin responded. “You’re a good friend.”

“He’s a better one, ” I replied.

“I’ll be there in a couple of hours. Do you need anything else? ” he asked.

I sighed. “Just to see you.”

I could tell that he was grinning just a little after that. “I miss you, too.”

I hung up and returned to Michael’s side, and listened as he told Ted and Emmet everything he knew, which wasn’t much.

“Do you need anything? ” Emmet asked.

Michael shook his head.

“I’ll go to the diner, get some lemon bars, ” Emmet said. “Those always help in a crisis.”

“Why don’t you go to my place and catch a nap? ” Ted asked Michael.

Mikey just shook his head.

Ted shrugged at me. “I’ll cover for you, ” he said.

I nodded. “Call me if anything comes up.”

“If you want to go to my place to take a nap, or get a shower, or anything, Michael has a key, ” he said.

“Thanks, Theodore, but I’ll be staying here, ” I said.

“I know, ” he replied. “But I have to offer.”

Ted and Emmet left, and Michael called the munchers. I sat and listened as he finally spoke to JR himself, and reassured her that dad was going to be okay, and not to cry anymore.

I hated that shit. Lying to kids like that is bullshit. What if Ben died? How would he explain that to a little girl? Then I realized that he wasn’t saying it for her. He was saying it for himself. So I kept my mouth shut.

The rest of the day was broken up by visitors. After Michael cried for an hour, Emmet brought lemon bars and meatloaf. After Michael held my hand so tightly it hurt, Justin brought me a change of clothes. After Michael drank another cup of coffee just to stay awake, Blake came by with Ted and brought us dinner. After Michael told me that he and Ben had been planning a vacation to the country next week, and I heard the pain in his voice, knowing that it wouldn’t happen now, and might not ever, Lindsay and Melanie called again, to check in. Every heart-wrenching, painful fucking moment blurred into the other, until the only way I could tell time was passing was by our visitors.

When Lindsay asked what I was going to do if Ben didn’t wake up tonight, or tomorrow, or the next day, I told her I’d do what Mikey did. If Mikey wanted to stay and sit here, I’d sit with him. She gave me some crap about needing rest and what about Kinnetik and Justin, and I reminded her that a long time ago, he’d sat with me. Then she shut up.

At 10 Mikey fell asleep, his head in my lap. I tried to stay awake, but I must have passed out, because a nurse woke us up four hours later.

“He’s not out of the woods yet, but he’s awake, ” she said. I called everyone and let them know, while they moved Ben to a new room in a less critical ward.

Ben wasn’t allowed visitors yet, besides Michael and Hunter, who arrived shortly after Ben was in his new room.

After a teary reunion, complete with medical masks to keep Ben from catching anything else, Michael hugged me and told me to go home to Justin and get some sleep. I promised him I’d be back the next day. Ben may have been awake, but his fight was just starting if he was going to survive.

When I got home, Gus was already in bed. Justin had told him the good news when I’d called, and he’d collapsed almost immediately. The poor kid had barely slept since the night before. I knew the feeling.

Justin helped me undress, and I kissed him, slow and deep. I wanted to fuck him. I wanted to kiss him, and suck him, and be inside him, and feel alive, but I was too fucking tired. I fell asleep the moment my head hit the pillow.

Time After Time-A sequel to Kondo-Chapter 6

It had been 6 days. 6 days since Ben had been admitted into the hospital. 6 days since my 33rd birthday. 6 days since I had spent more than 5 hours with Brian. And those 5 hours were spent sleeping next to him in our bed. He was next to me, warm and inviting. But I had never felt more alone.

I spent those 6 days taking Gus to and from school. Painting and going to classes. Doing homework in between laundry and making dinner. Helping Gus with his homework and putting the dishes in the dishwasher before heading to bed myself. Alone.

Brian had been spending all of his time when he wasn’t at Kinnetik, with Michael at the hospital. I understood. I really did. Michael was his best friend. His link to his past. In a lot of ways, Michael was more important to Brian than me. I had been to the hospital a few times. I hugged Michael and sat with Brian and held his hand. Made him eat because I knew he hadn’t in days. And it was always the same. Ben was out of his coma, but his fever was still 103 and he couldn’t breathe without a respirator. They weren’t sure he was going to make it. This might be it.

Michael cried all the time. Every time I had been there in those 6 days he was crying. And Brian was hugging him. I felt invisible. As selfish and twat-like as that sounds I did. I felt like how I used to feel 15 years ago. It was the Brian and Mikey show. And I was an outsider. I know it sounds ridiculous. In my head I’m screaming, “How could you be so insensitive? Ben is DYING! Michael is YOUR friend! ” But in my heart all I can feel is this unsettling ache. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. But leave it to a kid to make me realize.