Chapter twelve. It wasn't that she was really counting on Katherine keeping her word, but just in case, it'd be nice to spend the afternoon by the pool

It wasn't that she was really counting on Katherine keeping her word, but just in case, it'd be nice to spend the afternoon by the pool, being lazy. Then later, she'd grill them each a steak, perhaps have an early dinner.

Is that what she wanted? Early dinner. Early to bed. Time to be together, perhaps even make love like they used to. Is that what she wanted?

It's what she should want, she realized. In reality, she knew she was simply going through the motions. She doubted she and Katherine could actually spend two days together. She wasn't sure they still knew how to talk to one another. And what in the world would they talk about? Katherine could care less about Jay's business, seemingly on the verge of flourishing finally. She'd gotten a call from another builder yesterday evening, a builder that Randy Kline had recommended her to. But Katherine wouldn't care about that. Jay's business was nothing more than a hobby, something to keep her busy while Katherine brought home the real money.

So, they would end up talking about Katherine's busy schedule, her clients, her potential, and her future. All of which was so much more important than Jay's.

She stood on the patio watching the water shimmer, the ceiling fan blowing cool air on her. She hadn't realized how bitter she'd become in the last year. Hardened and bitter. She felt her shoulders sag, felt that unnamed weight settle again.

She wanted to be happy, she wanted to enjoy her life again. She wanted to be that carefree, easygoing girl she used to be. The one who'd left Lubbock on a Greyhound bus bound for Austin, not full of regret, but full of optimism. She'd hated her life in Lubbock, hated hiding from her family, hated being the outcast. In Austin, she'd be free, she could do want she wanted, be who she wanted to be.

And in the beginning, she was. She had enough money saved that she wasn't arriving destitute. And she wasn't afraid to work. She had enough design classes and enough natural talent that Wilkes and Bonner hired her full-time after only six months. She was happy. She had income. She had an apartment. And she'd met Audrey, whom she'd become fast friends with. How she and Katherine ended up dating was still a mystery. It wasn't like they had mutual friends. They met by chance at Zilker Park one day, literally running into each other on the hike and bike trail. A coffee date turned into lunch, which led to a dinner date. Jay remembered being fascinated by Katherine, loving her aspirations, her passion for her chosen profession. She'd fallen in love with her so quickly, she didn't have a chance to see beyond the hero worship she'd developed. She moved out of her apartment and into Katherine's house, an old but spacious home in Hyde Park. They'd lived there three years before Katherine built the mansion, as Audrey called it. Now, five years of living among the rich in Austin, Jay was no closer to accepting her life here than she was when they'd moved. She hated the house. Oh, of course she enjoyed the amenities, like the pool, like the cleaning service that came twice a week, the yard men, the lady who picked up their laundry three times a week. All of those things were nice. Not normal, certainly, but nice. Because every once in a while, she enjoyed running the vacuum, she enjoyed washing and folding her own clothes, and she enjoyed keeping up the house. Because no matter how hard Katherine tried to change her, Jay was still the middle child from a hard-working middle-class family living on the outskirts of Lubbock. She would never be the socialite that Katherine was. She didn't come from money and didn't know how to spend it freely. She still saved every penny she could—for a rainy day, as her grandmother used to say—and still frowned upon extravagant purchases.

And now here she was, staring out at the crystal clear pool, a pool that was tended to twice a week by three bronzed gym rats who enjoyed parading around in nothing but their Speedos as they cleaned pool after pool here in the hills of northwest Austin.

In a fit of defiance, Jay ripped her T-shirt over her head and dropped her shorts where she stood, diving naked into the pool. She didn't care that their neighbors, with their three-story home, could see into the backyard. She didn't care that it was nearly noon, a time when Katherine said she'd be home. And she didn't care, period. She swam the length of the pool, her arms moving powerfully through the water, then kicked the wall and swam back. It felt good, the cool water, the activity. She felt the blood flowing, felt some of her earlier bitterness fade. This was her life now, the life she'd chosen, a life with Katherine. And another of her grandmother's sayings came to mind... you made your bed, now lie in it.

She stood in the shallow end, a smile turning into a laugh. She slicked her hair back and looked around. No, this certainly wasn't the life she'd chosen, not this huge house and this gorgeous pool. She sighed, her smile fading. They'd both changed, no doubt, but the woman Katherine had evolved into was nowhere near the woman she'd fallen in love with all those years ago.

But she'd made her bed... and this was her life now.

" For better or worse, " she murmured, finally getting out of the pool and picking up her discarded clothes.

Despite the heat, Jay couldn't stand being cooped up inside her tiny office. So she hauled her laptop, her design book, and her pile of swatches out to the covered patio, turned the ceiling fans on high, and sipped on a tall glass of iced tea as she worked.

And as the clock ticked nearer to two, she'd given up on Katherine. Noon had come and gone with no sign of her, and no phone call. She wasn't surprised. Katherine had no doubt forgotten all about their plans for the weekend.

That was why, a few minutes later, her head jerked up when she heard the garage door open.

My God, she's actually home.

But the backyard door to the garage didn't open, so Jay looked for her inside, watching her walk to the double doors, standing there gazing out. She was still striking, despite being only months away from forty. Her long blond hair was thick and shiny, her features as flawless as the day they'd met. It still surprised her that some thought of them as sisters, both being blond and blue-eyed. But Katherine was always much more attractive, carrying herself with a confidence born of money and prestige, something Jay knew nothing about.

Katherine paused at the door, looking at Jay through the clear panes. She finally pushed them open and Jay noticed the smile Katherine forced to her face. She realized she was doing the same.

" What in the world are you doing outside? You must be miserable."

Jay lifted up her shirt, revealing her swimsuit. " I take a dip to cool off, then sit under the fan. It's not bad. But you must be miserable. A suit? On a Saturday? "

Katherine shrugged. " Habit. Let me go change. Actually, a dip in the pool sounds pretty good. I think I'll join you."

Jay watched her go, her smile turning into a frown. It was the first time she'd seen Katherine outside in the daylight in weeks. She looked tired. Her eyes were nearly lifeless. Jay shook her head. No one could exist on four hours sleep a day indefinitely. Apparently, it had caught up with Katherine.

She set her laptop aside and followed Katherine into the house. " You want something to drink? " she called up the stairs. " I have a pitcher of tea."

" I'd prefer something stronger. Something cool for outside. How about a Tom Collins? "

" Sure." Gin? At this hour?

Jay went to the bar, finding the gin and Tom Collins mix. She sliced up a lime and stuck that on the side of the glass, then took a lime wedge and added it to her iced tea. She took both drinks outside and waited for Katherine to return.

And when she did, standing there in her swimsuit, Jay's eyebrows shot up.

" My God, how much weight have you lost? " she blurted out without thinking. Katherine looked nearly gaunt.

" I know. I haven't been eating. Stress."

" How much longer can you keep this up, Kath? You're killing yourself."

She flashed a charming smile. " Hardly killing myself. But it won't be much longer."

" Is making partner worth all this? "

" Partner? Oh, that's in the bag, sweetheart. Has been. But in another month, I will have brought in more clients and more money than anyone ever has in the history of the firm. Old man

Mills about has a coronary each week when he looks at the numbers. I love it."

With that, she dove into the pool, swimming underwater until she reached the other side, then floated on her back as she kicked her legs lazily.

" And after I've sucked all his clients from him, I'm going to start my own firm. Won't that be great? "

" Wonderful, " Jay said, trying to muster up some enthusiasm.

" Oh, I forgot to tell you who I ran into yesterday at lunch. Do you remember me telling you about that girl I met in law school? Jenna White? "

Jay nodded. " Your first, right? She ended up being straight? "

Katherine laughed. " She wanted to be straight, yes. Anyway, I saw her at Juan's yesterday during lunch. She's been back in town for five months already. I can't believe I haven't run into her before now."

" Really? " Lunch? She takes time for lunch? " What's she doing back? "

" She's divorced. Seems being straight didn't work out for her, " Katherine said with a laugh. " She's working at Bateman."

" What a coincidence."

" Yes, I thought so." Katherine swam closer. " We're going to hook up next week for lunch one day to catch up. I thought it'd be nice to maybe have her over for dinner one night. Would you mind cooking? "

" Of course not. But will you be joining us? "

" Very funny. Of course I'll be joining you. I'll just have to make it a point to leave work early."

Jay wasn't sure if her sudden burst of anger was based on jealously or not. But really, did Katherine even hear what she was saying? She meets her at lunch, yet can't ever break away when Jay suggests they meet for a quick bite. And dinner? When was the last time Katherine made it a point to get home early for dinner? No, she was just too busy to make time for Jay. But for an old girlfriend? Sure, no problem.

" It's funny, really, " Katherine said as she splashed around in the water. " In law school, she would have just died had anyone said she was gay. You should see her now. She's all out there, you know. She said being married opened her eyes. She couldn't stand having to answer to a man." Katherine laughed. " Now she's working for Bateman. Talk about a control freak. She won't last there the year."

" Well, if you start your own firm, perhaps you can bring her on board, " Jay said lightly.

" I've already thought of that. Of course, just because she's an old friend won't hold much weight if she doesn't have the clients." Katherine flipped over to her back. " Why don't you come join me? "

Jay hesitated, wanting to decline. But really, when was the last time they'd had a Saturday afternoon together? " Sure."

" What do you have planned for dinner? "

Jay dove into the pool, surfacing several feet from Katherine. " I thought we'd grill steaks out here. It's been awhile."

" Sounds good. And I wouldn't mind an early dinner. I'm exhausted, really. This was a good idea to have a short weekend for once."

" Yes, it was. And forgive me for saying so, but Kath, you look terrible."

Katherine laughed. " Thanks, sweetheart."

" I mean it. You look like you could just collapse. I'm not sure you can go another month like this."

" I have to. And it won't be a problem. When they announce my new position, I'll be able to take some time off." She stood in the pool, wringing her long hair behind her. " I thought maybe we could get away somewhere." She looked over at Jay. " How about Hawaii? "

" Hawaii? "

" You've never been, have you? "

Jay just barely resisted rolling her eyes. Of course she'd never been. Katherine knew that. " No, I've not had the pleasure."

" Well, then maybe we'll think about doing that. My treat, of course." She walked out of the pool and plopped down in one of the lounge chairs in the shade. " You were right. It's quite pleasant out here after a swim."

" Yes, it is, " Jay replied before ducking under the water again and swimming to the far end. Hawaii? Good Lord, what had gotten into her?

Katherine covered her mouth as another yawn came over her. " I'm sorry. I guess I'm not used to down time."

" Maybe your body is trying, to tell you something."

Katherine sipped from her fourth Tom Collins of the afternoon. " It's telling me I'm starving. Those steaks smell wonderful."

" And they'll be ready in a second. Do you want to eat out here or inside? "

" Oh, we're still in our swimsuits. Let's stay out."

" Okay. Let me get the asparagus and potatoes, I'll be right back." Jay hurried inside, ignoring the table she'd already set for dinner. She stood on tiptoe, trying to reach the large serving platter and failing.

" Crap, " she muttered. She got the small step stool from the utility room, pulling down the stainless steel platter which they seldom used. On it, she placed two plates and utensils, cloth napkins, the bowl of potatoes and the steamed asparagus. She hurried back outside, kicking open the door with her foot, scowling at the smoke coming from the grill. " Kath, turn the steaks, " she said.

Katherine lifted the lid, ducking back from the smoke before flipping their rib eyes over. She looked at Jay over the rim of the gas grill. " Were we out of filet mignon? "

" Sorry. You'll have to settle for rib eye."

" You should make a note to stock up, " she said. " I much prefer them."

Jay bit her lip as she set the table outside. " Of course, Kath. But these are prime cut." She walked over to the grill. " And they're ready to come off." She took the tongs from Katherine. " Go sit. I'll bring them over."

Katherine took her drink and moved away. She stood looking out over the pool, finally turning back to Jay. " You're very good to me, you know."

" You think? "

" Yes. I haven't been very good to you this past year."

Jay hesitated, torn between agreeing with her and perhaps having that discussion Audrey had urged her to have... or simply ignoring the statement and having dinner. She met Katherine's eyes, still so lifeless. She chose to ignore it. " You've been very busy, Kath, I know that. And I've been busy with my business. It's starting to take off, I think."

Katherine nodded, but didn't comment.

" Sit. Make yourself a plate. Do you want another drink? "

" No, I think I've had enough." She sat down. " But where's my steak sauce? "

" Sorry. I forgot it. Be right back." Jay hurried back into the house, nearly exhausted herself, just from serving dinner. She stopped in the kitchen, taking a breath. Had it always been this way? Had she always been the caretaker? Had Katherine always been the queen?

Yes.

And without warning, that heavy weight settled around her again, making her shoulders ache, making her chest heavy. A feeling of confinement, of imprisonment, washed over her, making her breath hard to catch, her lungs tight. She leaned against the counter, eyes closed, trying to ward off the dizziness.

Anxiety attack?

But it passed as soon as it started, her head clearing, the ache leaving her shoulders. " Christ, " she murmured, rubbing the back of her neck.

" Jay? "

Jay turned, expecting Katherine to be standing there. But she was still on the patio. " Coming." She found Katherine's favorite steak sauce in the fridge and hurried back outside.

" The seasoning is great on these. I almost don't need the sauce."

Jay gritted her teeth and placed the steak sauce within Katherine's reach. " Well, just in case."