CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN. As soon as Jill walked into the cottage on Monday afternoon, she knew something was wrong

As soon as Jill walked into the cottage on Monday afternoon, she knew something was wrong. Carrie, who normally greeted her at the door, was at the pier, standing alone, staring out at the lake. Jill tossed her purse on the bar and made her way down the path, past the flower garden to the pier, her heels clicking on the wooden boards. Carrie turned at the sound, her eyes showing her surprise.

" Is it one already? "

" Yes." Jill tilted her head slightly, watching Carrie. " What's wrong? "

Carrie waved her hand dismissively. " Oh, nothing." She walked closer, wrapping her arms around Jill's waist and pulling her into a tight hug. " Saturday was fantastic and I missed you like crazy yesterday."

Jill smiled, pulling her head away to look at Carrie, then bending closer, lightly kissing her on the mouth. " Yesterday was endless, " Jill agreed. " In fact, this morning was endless." She pulled out of Carrie's embrace, watching her, trying to read her eyes. There was a wounded look there she'd never seen before. She took Carrie's hand and led her to their bench. " Now tell me what's wrong."

Carrie looked away. " Oh, it's nothing. Just a bad day yesterday."

" Then tell me about it. We've talked about everything. There aren't any secrets between us. Are there? "

" It's not that, " Carrie said. She clutched her hands together as she stared at the lake. " It's just, yesterday morning, James... he confessed that he's been having an affair, " she said quietly.

Jill's eyes widened. " Oh, God, I'm sorry." Then she frowned. " Is that the proper thing to say, given our circumstances? "

Carrie smiled slightly and shrugged. " I feel like an ass. I mean, here he was, so eaten up with guilt that he had to confess, and I just sat there, stunned."

" You didn't say anything? "

" We didn't have a screaming match, if that's what you mean. James and I have never been big fighters. It was all so calm and civilized. Of course, I don't know what my reaction would have been had I not been involved with you."

She stood, pacing, and Jill stayed quiet, waiting for Carrie to talk it out.

" She's the assistant manager at one of his stores, " she said finally. Again a quiet laugh. " She's thirty-one. And good God, she's married too. I mean, what was he thinking? "

" So what did you say to him? "

" I asked him how long it had been going on, " she said. " Since last fall." She turned and stared out over the lake. " Now I guess I know why he hasn't been concerned with our lack of a sex life." She turned back around. " God, that sounded just like the victimized wife, didn't it? "

" Well, it's a shock. I mean, you never suspected, did you? "

Carrie shook her head. " No. Of course I haven't really given anything a whole lot of thought lately." She sighed. " But that's not why I'm upset, Jill. I mean, how can I be upset with him for having an affair? No, I'm upset with myself. I had the perfect opportunity to tell him about you, about us. Yet I didn't." She walked back to the bench and sat down again. " And like a typical wife, I let him wallow in his guilt, let him beg for forgiveness, let him plead with me not to tell the boys. And all the while I'm thinking what an ass I am."

Jill linked arms with her. " But why did he tell you? Does he want to be with this woman? "

Carrie shook her head. " No. Like I said, she's married, has kids. It was just something that happened."

" And is still happening? "

" No. And I think that was why the guilt got to him." She sighed. " He said he thought maybe I was having my own affair and that was why I didn't miss him being around."

" Oh."

" I still couldn't tell him. If I'd told him, then everything would have focused on me and it would be like his little affair just went away, because mine is a bit bigger, seeing as how you're a woman and all, " she said with a hint of a laugh. Then she buried her head in her hands. " What a mess, " she muttered.

Jill leaned closer and bumped her shoulder. " Well, speaking of messes, Craig has officially moved into the spare room."

Carrie looked up. " It's gone that far? "

" And Angie confronted me. She has informed me that she hates me and if we get a divorce she wants to stay with Craig."

" Oh no."

Jill shrugged. " She's fourteen. She's supposed to hate her mother."

" And Craig? "

Jill sighed. " I don't know." She turned, looking at Carrie, falling into her eyes. " What are we going to do? "

" I won't lie, Jill. I've thought of us being together. How wonderful it would be to go to sleep with you at night, to hold each other, to wake together to greet a new day. How wonderful would that be? " She turned, her eyes moving across the water. " But this is so foreign to us both." She laughed. " We don't exactly have experience at being lesbians."

Jill laughed too, slipping her arm around Carrie's shoulders and following her gaze out over the water.

" But I worry about you, " Carrie continued. " You and Angie. If she left your life, if she could never forgive you, would you eventually grow to resent me, resent us}" she asked quietly. " And is what we have worth you losing a child? "

Jill nodded, her eyes slipping closed. " In other words, you don't know what we're going to do either."

Carrie turned, her eyes softening as she saw the love Jill didn't try to hide. She leaned closer, her kiss feather-light. " I don't have a clue, " she whispered.