Chapter Eighteen. “President Collins, are you all right?”

“President Collins, are you all right? ”

The question from one of the students caught her off guard. She looked at the pimple-faced freshman. “Of course. I’m sorry. What was your name again? ” It was the second week in September, freshman orientation day at Embers College, and three hundred eager, anonymous faces surrounded Elizabeth.

Most of her peers at other colleges didn’t bother to attend orientation, but she missed the one-on-one connection with the students and enjoyed helping them through this all-important first day. The girl repeated her name and Elizabeth knew she would eventually remember it, but not today. Shit, the way she was going she couldn’t remember where she was supposed to be this afternoon.

Since returning from Maui she had been restless, forgetful, distracted, and downright spacy. What was supposed to be relaxing and invigorating had ended up being just the opposite. She felt more drained now than before she left.

She knew what the problem was but didn’t admit it to anyone. She had put on a false bravado, talking about her vacation in glorious terms but never alluding to the heartbreak she endured. The only person she couldn’t fool was Diane, who had called her on it the minute the words were out of her mouth.

“You’re full of shit, Elizabeth.”

“I beg your pardon? ” They were having dinner at Rombasto’s, their favorite Italian restaurant, and the back-to-school crowd was noisy. Diane had been busy with her mother’s recovery, and this was their first opportunity to get together. Elizabeth was still in her work clothes, and her feet hurt from being cramped in heels all day. She had lost weight since Maui, but her skirt and suit jacket still felt confining. She ached for shorts and flip-flops.

“You heard me. Your sappy, happy stories may work on the people at school, but I see right through them. What really happened? And don’t tell me ‘nothing.’” Diane pointed her fork at her.

Elizabeth didn’t know where to begin. Diane knew about Colby, or at least what little Elizabeth had shared with her. She’d been evading the real discussion with Diane when they talked on the phone. But now she couldn’t, with her sitting across the table. How could she explain that she had fallen in love with the surgeon turned surf instructor?

The words sounded as ridiculous in her head as they would if she said them out loud. For crying out loud, she was single, on vacation in paradise, and she fell for a local beauty. How pathetic did that sound? Sure, she had been due for some physical connection and a vacation fling was perfect, but to end up in love with her? That was out of the realm of even what she would have expected.

Her heart, on the other hand, wasn’t listening. Night after night as she lay awake, remembering the feel of Colby’s body under her, the touch of her hand, the scent of her skin, she had tried to persuade herself to get on the first plane back to the island.

During dessert, Diane told her that if she was in love with Colby to go get her. She even told her to drag her back to Essington and damn the consequences. But in the harsh light of day Elizabeth realized just how stupid and careless that would be. Colby didn’t love her, couldn’t love her, wouldn’t allow herself to be loved.

The line in the security screening area snaked around the stanchions like the lines at Disneyland. Her patience wasn’t what it used to be and, with the speed of this line, she wouldn’t get to her gate for at least another thirty minutes. She had no luggage. Why wasn’t there a line for people who didn’t have any carry-on crap that needed to be scanned? All she had was her wallet, her ticket, and a prayer that this wouldn’t be a wasted trip.

Will she see me? Has she moved on? Hell, will she even open the door? The questions bounced around in her head as the line crawled forward. She showed her identification and boarding pass, then had to wait in the line behind a woman with twins trying to go through the metal detector. Because she had made her reservation last night and had checked no luggage, she was subject to an additional security check. The TSA officer was friendly but professional as she ran her hands over her body, searching for anything that shouldn’t be there. Finally, after what felt like forever, she was walking down the concourse to her departure gate.

The flight was long, made especially so by the delay on the tarmac in Houston where she had changed planes. According to the pilot they were fifteenth in line on the runway and hadn’t moved when he came on ten minutes later, again informing them that due to weather it would be another thirty minutes until they were cleared to take off.

The only thing that did go right was that there was no line at the taxi stand. She gave the address to the driver and sat back for the final leg of her journey. It had been a hard one. The last month had been filled with misery, doubt, and hours of reflection. Was she willing to completely change her life? What would her friends think? What would her family say?

Her hand was shaking and she hesitated before she knocked. Was she ready for this? Was she ready to be rejected again? Was she ready to be loved? Was she ready to make this commitment? She raised her hand, her knuckles connecting with the white door. A voice behind the door told her to hang on. She wasn’t sure how long she could. The door opened and she lost all breath. Shock filled the face looking right at her. She held her breath and the world stopped.

This was it. The most pivotal moment of her life up to this point. The most important seconds of the rest of her life.

“If you tell me to go away, I will.”

Elizabeth’s beaming smile told Colby all she needed to know.