Bridget

There’s yours!

ANNIE [Composing email]

ANNIE

I need a holiday!

We all need a holiday!

HECTOR

Where shall we go?

ANNIE [Composing email]

NICK

Now’s the chance to try my chat up lines on Spanish girls. Ha, ha!

NICK

And the girls! Ha-ha-hmm, I can’t wait!

NICK

They won’t be able to resist me!

NICK

OK, I see a pretty Spanish girl …

HECTOR

… Hmm.

NICK

… How do I say, “I’m English, can you give me directions – to your apartment? ” [Makes clucking noise]

HECTOR

Really?

NICK

Yeah.

HECTOR

OK. [Clears throat]

NICK

“Hola soy inglé s… …”

HECTOR

“… ¿ Me puedes dar … “

NICK

“… ¿ Me puedes dar …”

HECTOR

“… La direcció n de tu piso? ”

NICK

“… La direcció n de tu piso? ”

HECTOR

Good, but this one is better.

“Your eyes are like stars – they come out at night.”

NICK

Oh, I like it!

How do I say it in Spanish?

Laughter

HECTOR

[Clears throat]

“Tus ojos …”

NICK

“Tus ojos …”

HECTOR

“Tus ojos …”

NICK

That’s what I said.

HECTOR

OK!

“Tus ojos son como estrellas …”

NICK

“Tus ojos son como estrellas …”

HECTOR

“… Salen por la noche …”

NICK

“… Salen por la noche …”

NICK

Eh! Ha, ha!

Now, this one always works. “I know what you’re thinking. You want to kiss me, don’t you.”

HECTOR

No, I don’t.

NICK

Not you!

It’s the chat up line, stupid!

BRIDGET

Hector, are you there?

HECTOR

Yeah.

BRIDGET

Could you give me a hand with my luggage?

HECTOR

Sure.

Ay?!!

All of it?!!

BRIDGET

Yes, all of it, please, Hector.

BRIDGET

Over here, Hector, I must do a final check.

ANNIE

Gracious, Bridget, what have you got in there?

BRIDGET

Six tee shirts, three pairs of jeans, four pairs of trousers, ten bikinis, four sarongs, two skirts, two nightdresses, three pairs of trainers, two pairs of evening shoes, three toothbrushes, two toilet bags, five belts, two jackets, two cans of hair mousse and a ball gown.

ANNIE

But, we’re only going for three days.

BRIDGET

You never can be sure what event we’ll be asked to go to – parties, balls, the opera, theatre …

ANNIE

… Oh yeah – it won’t happen!

BRIDGET

When Bridget arrives in Spain, we’ll be invited everywhere. They just won’t be able to resist!

NICK

What won’t they be able to resist?

BRIDGET

What are you wearing?

NICK

I am a toreador!

HECTOR

Oh! Oh! Olé!!

NICK

Whose is this?!

ANNIE

Bridget’s.

NICK

You are taking all that?!

BRIDGET

Yeah, why?

NICK

Oh Bridget, Bridget, Bridget – all you need to travel is your passport, your tickets and your money, ha-ha!

Sound of car horn hooting in background

ANNIE

That will be the taxi!

NICK

Ha-ha!

HECTOR

Let’s go!

BRIDGET

Come on, boys, give me a hand with my luggage!

Sound of door being slammed

ANNIE

Gatwick airport please.