Chapter Twenty-Four

AS SOON AS Ridley and Laurie got to Laurie's house after work on Thursday, Ridley put her work bag down and made a decision. It had been two days since Dana had left for Chicago and Ridley was going insane not knowing what had happened. It was agony to wait and wonder and not know when Dana would return or if she would contact Ridley when she did. Even if Dana and Sarah were getting back together, Ridley wanted to know. " I'm going over to Café De Marco and see if I can talk to Tracy, " she told Laurie. " She had to have heard from Dana and I want to find out what she knows."

" You should go, " Laurie said. " Talking to her might make you feel better."

" I hope so. Maybe I can catch her before they open for dinner and she gets busy." Ridley put her work bag down by the door. " She might know what's going on with Dana and if there's no hope for me, I'd rather find out now."

" Let's hope that's not the case, but at least you'd know where you stand one way or the other." Laurie took her jacket off and hung it in the hall closet. " Will you be back for dinner? I hope so, because Karen has to work late tonight and I'd like your company. Besides, I'd like to hear what Tracy had to say."

" I'll be back in a couple of hours and I'll stay here again tonight if it's all right with you. But tomorrow I'm going back home after we get out of work. You've both been great, but I think I'm ready to tough it out on my own."

" Are you sure? "

" I'm sure."

RIDLEY RUSHED OVER to Café De Marco as fast as her legs would take her and walked around to the back. When she saw Tracy through one of the glass panels in the back door, she knocked and called out her name.

Tracy signaled for Ridley to come in.

" Hi, Tracy." Ridley saw Jimmy on the other side of the kitchen and greeted him as well. She closed the door behind her, entered the kitchen and walked over to Tracy. " Do you have time to talk to me, in private? "

" I thought I might hear from you at some point, " Tracy said. She washed her hands, untied her apron and draped it across one of the islands. " Jimmy, do you mind taking over for me while we go upstairs and talk for a little while. We won't be long."

" No problem. You girls take your time."

" So what's on your mind, as if I can't guess? " Tracy asked Ridley once they were seated in her living room. " Forgive me for being direct, but you don't look good. You came to talk to me about Dana, am I right? "

" Yeah, you're right. I'm a mess, Tracy. I'm head over heels in love with Dana and I've already lost her. I'm afraid I can't compete with this Sarah person, whoever she is."

" Yeah, you can, " Tracy said. " She's the one who can't compete with you, trust me on that one. Have you told Dana how you feel about her? "

" I told her how I felt about her when I was here for dinner the day before she left, but you probably already know that, don't you? " Ridley didn't wait for an answer. " I'm sure you also know that was when she told me she was going to Chicago to see her ex. She did tell you about all of this, didn't she? "

" She did, but I wasn't sure if it would upset you if I told you that." " No, that doesn't upset me in the least. We all need someone to talk to. I told Laurie and Karen all about what was going on and I figured that Dana had talked to you since you're her closest friend."

" We talked after we closed the restaurant, but she didn't tell me that much. It was late and she had to get ready to leave at the crack of dawn the next morning. I suspected something was going on when she dragged you through the kitchen the way she did. You looked as if the world had just come to an end."

" It felt like mine had. She means a lot to me, Tracy."

" I can understand how you feel. Dana's a very special person."

" She sure is." Ridley got right to the point. " What's the story with her and Sarah? "

" Didn't she tell you anything about it? "

" Not really--not that much. I know about the spa in Pennsylvania and I know they had a relationship and broke up, but that's about it. And I know she still loves her."

" I don't think that's true. She just thinks she does, " Tracy said.

" What do you mean? " For the first time, Ridley felt a spark of hope flicker inside. Did she dare to dream that Dana would come back to her after all?

" That was the first time Dana ever fell for anyone and she trusted Sarah completely. Why she fell for her or trusted her is anyone's guess. I hope you don't think I'm awful but I'm just telling it like it is. I've said all of this to Dana at one time or another."

" I don't think any such thing. Please go on."

" Well, love is blind as they say and her friends, including me, must not have warned her sufficiently about falling for straight women. Anyway, she didn't see the trouble ahead and when they broke up she never got over it. I'm convinced she wouldn't have been so enamored with Sarah if they'd stayed together longer."

" Why? Can you tell me more? " Ridley asked.

" Dana was crazy about Sarah from the start. God knows, Sarah did have a certain naughty girl sexiness about her and she was kind of cute. She could be charming and sweet when it suited her purposes, but she could also be needy and thoughtless. Dana never saw the bad things about her and she didn't want to hear it from anyone." Tracy paused as if remembering and whatever she thought about made her shake her head. " Sarah had a knack for upsetting Dana on a daily basis it seemed. Dana would call me all the time and tell me about the things she said and did. She was always up to something."

" Why did she stay with her if she was like that? " Ridley asked.

" That's a very good question, but you'd have to ask Dana because I have no idea. I doubt that she'd even have an answer for you. Why do any of us do stupid things or get involved with the wrong people? "

" Why indeed. But we all do, don't we? "

" Unfortunately, " Tracy acknowledged. " You know what used to really bug me about Sarah? Whenever I saw them together, I got the impression that Sarah was ashamed to be in a lesbian relationship. More than once, I told Dana I didn't think Sarah was gay. I never saw her touch Dana in front of other people or show affection and if Dana tried to hold her hand or touch her in any way, she'd pull away. She..."

" That's awful, " Ridley interrupted. " Sorry. Go on."

" So, you know they moved to the mountains, but they had other plans. All this was supposed to be theirs someday." Tracy moved her finger around in a big circle. " This house, the restaurant, all of it. They were going to move here and do this."

" Go on. What happened? "

" Dana and Sarah sometimes worked different schedules and one day Sarah had the evening off and Dana didn't. During her break, Dana went back to their living quarters to surprise Sarah, but it was Dana who got surprised. She walked in on Sarah and one of the young men from the maintenance department having sex, in Dana and Sarah's bed no less. They must not have heard her come in because they were really going at it."

Ridley sucked in a short burst of air. " Are you kidding me? That's more like a shock than a surprise and it must have been awful for Dana."

" I'll say. And it got worse. Sarah told Dana that she'd been seeing him almost from the time they got there. On top of that, Sarah was two months pregnant."

" What? " Ridley lifted her eyebrows and opened her mouth.

" You heard me. And as if that wasn't bad enough, Sarah told Dana she'd never really loved her, not that way. She loved her but only as a friend. Of course, Dana refused to believe it."

" Ouch." Ridley cringed. She could only imagine how much that had hurt Dana. It had never happened to her, but she'd heard similar stories from other lesbians. Now she understood why Dana had put up walls to protect herself and why she'd been so reluctant to let herself care about anyone. She also understood that it didn't mean Dana cared for her. " Those words are every lesbian's worst nightmare and when your lover leaves you for a man, that's another. What did Dana do after that? "

" Well, Sarah ran off into the sunset with her man and Dana went back to Chicago. She stayed with her parents until she got over the initial blow of what Sarah had done and then she moved to Philadelphia. To make a long story short, she called me and asked me to come with her and work for her and I jumped at the chance."

" That explains a lot, " Ridley said.

" Maybe I shouldn't have told you any of this. I'm not sure Dana would have wanted me to, but I like you and I care about Dana and based on the situation it just seemed like the right thing to do. I hope it helps you in some way."

" It does, a little. At least it helps me understand her better and make some sense out of the things she's said and done. I feel for her...she's been hurt."

" And she's scared to death she'll be hurt again, " Tracy added.

" I can see that now, but I'm not sure all the understanding in the world will change a thing if she doesn't want me. Dana either loves me or she doesn't and if she doesn't, I'll have to get over it and move on." As optimistic as Ridley's words sounded, she couldn't wrap her heart around them, not when her wounds were still so fresh and open.

" I'm sorry." Tracy said. " I know she was upset about hurting you and I think she cares about you, but I wouldn't want to speculate any further at your expense. What she told me was that she wasn't sure how she felt about you and I think she was telling the truth. Seeing Sarah might help her figure that out. That's why I encouraged her to go."

" Have you heard anything from her? " Ridley asked.

" She called me when she got there. She's supposed to come home on Saturday morning and I'm picking her up at the airport. I really don't know if she'll call again or just wait to talk to me when she gets here. She'll be busy with her family and she knows I'm busy."

" So you don't know how it turned out with Sarah? "

" No, but I hope it's over for good. I'm not a fan of Sarah's. In, fact I never liked her and Dana knows that. I do like you, though, and I think you're the best thing that's ever happened to her. I'd give anything to see you two together."

" Thank you, but I don't think that's going to happen."

" You never know. She might see Sarah for who she really is and if she does, she might be able to get in touch with her true feelings for you."

" If only you were right. The thought of losing her is killing me. No one's ever meant this much to me. Sometimes, when we were together I thought..." Ridley didn't finish her sentence. Sometimes she thought she saw her love returned in Dana's eyes, but your eyes can play tricks on you, especially when you want something so much it hurts.

" Well? What did you think? " Tracy asked.

" Never mind. I must have seen things that weren't there."

" Try to be patient with my poor, confused friend." Tracy got up and waited by Ridley's chair. " I really have to get back downstairs and help Jimmy."

Ridley got up and followed Tracy to the door. " I appreciate you taking time out of your busy day to talk to me and I'm grateful you were so honest. You've been more than kind. I guess I have no choice but to wait until she gets back."

" Give her some time to work things out."

" Do you think she'll talk to me when she gets home? " Ridley asked, hoping the answer would be yes.

" I'm sure she will. She would never want to hurt you any more than she has." Tracy held the door open for Ridley. " Come on, I'll walk you downstairs."