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How questions work






 

Questions accomplish three specific things:

1. Questions immediately change what we're focusing on and therefore how we feel. If you keep asking questions like " How come I'm so depressed? " or " Why doesn't anybody like me? " you will focus on, look for, and find references to back up the idea that there is a reason for you to feel depressed and unloved. As a result, you'll stay in those unresourceful states. If instead you ask, " How can I change my state so that I am feeling happy and am being more lovable?, " you'll focus on solutions. Even if your brain initially responds, " There's nothing I can do, " but like Stanislavsky Lech or W. Mitchell you persist with a sense of certainty and expectation in spite of it all, then eventually you will get the answers you need and deserve. You will come up with authentic reasons for feeling better, and as you focus on them, your emotional state will immediately follow suit.

There's a big difference between an affirmation and a question. When you say to yourself, " I'm happy; I'm happy; I'm happy, " this might cause you to feel happy if you produce enough emotional intensity, change your physiology and therefore your state. But in reality, you can make affirmations all day long and not really change how you feel. What will really change the way you feel is asking, " What am I happy about now? What could I be happy about if I wanted to be? How would that make me feel? "

If you keep asking questions like this, you'll come up with real references that will make you begin to focus on reasons that do in fact exist for you to feel happy. You'll feel certain that you're happy.

Instead of just " pumping you up, " questions provide you with actual reasons to feel the emotion. You and I can change how we feel in an instant, just by changing our focus. Most of us don't realize the power of memory management. Isn't it true that you have treasured moments in your life that if all you did was focus on them and think about them you'd immediately feel wonderful again in this moment now? Perhaps it was the birth of a child, your wedding day, or your first date. Questions are the guide to those moments. If you ask yourself questions like " What are my most treasured memories? " or " What's really great in my life right now? " and you can seriously consider the question, you'll start thinking of experiences that make you feel absolutely phenomenal. And in that phenomenal emotional state, you'll not only feel better, but you'll be able to contribute more to those around you.

The challenge, as you may have guessed, is that most of us are on automatic pilot. By failing to consciously control the habitual questions we ask, we severely limit our emotional range and thus our ability to utilize the resources at hand. The solution? As we covered in Chapter 6, the first step is to become aware of what you want and discover your old limiting pattern. Get leverage: ask yourself, " If I don't change this, what is the ultimate price? What will this cost me in the long run? " and " How will my whole life be transformed if I did this right now? "; interrupt the pattern (if you've ever felt pain, then been distracted and not felt it, you know how effective this is); create a new, empowering alternative with a set of better questions; and then condition them by rehearsing them until they become a consistent part of your life.

 

 






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